Telling Patients/Residents You Love Them?

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I recently started working in a LTC memory care/dementia/alzheimer's unit and last week we had an inservice on caring for patients/residents and during that inservice we were told that our facility encourages you to say the patient/residents' name regularly and also tell them that you love them every day because it brings them joy. Would you feel comfortable telling a resident/patient you love them? I am just trying to get other opinions because others I work with said it sounds odd. (I should add: I am one of three people who work full-time on my unit, everyone else is part-time or PRN so I am usually on the unit 5-6 days a week and have very strong bonds with my residents, so telling them I love them isn't really an issue for me).

Specializes in Clinical Documentation Specialist, LTC.

I can count on one hand in my 20 years of working in LTC how many residents I told I loved them, because I truly did. I had formed a bond with those particular residents and was, in most cases, the only "family" they had. I was like a daughter/granddaughter to them.

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It sounds so uncomfortable to me. Almost like toeing the line of a legal/ethical issue. If you are speaking in a broad sense, like "Yes, I love all of my patients!" then that's a little better. There's a patient/caregiver relationship that needs to be maintained and telling your patient you love them is...well it would be like if your teacher went around telling you that they loved you in a direct manner every day in class.

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Specializes in NICU.

I didn't think anything could top the enforced "I have the time!" scripting. I was wrong.

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Specializes in Private Duty Pediatrics.

I work private duty with children in their homes, and sometimes I am with the child most of the his waking hours. The last thing I want to do is to compete with the parents. Occasionally, a child will slip and call me, "Mom". I always quickly and gently correct that.

No, I do not tell them that I love them, but I do tell them often that I like them.

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I don't have a problem with this as long as it is just a suggestion and not a requirement. I understand the objections voiced in this thread by most of the other posters. However, I have worked in a memory care unit before and believe that this type of emotional validation goes a long way with residents severely affected by dementia. Many of them live in a perpetual state of anxiety and confusion due to their disease. Trying to re-orient them to reality is usually impossible and sometimes even harmful.

This happens to me less often as a nurse now, but when I was a CNA it wasn't unusual for one of these residents to say "I love you" to me as I was assisting them into bed at night. They had no idea who I was. In their mind I was just someone who had cared for their personal needs and shown them kindness. I could have been a friend, relative or complete stranger. They just couldn't remember but believed that I must care about them in order to be providing them with such personal care.

When they said "I love you", I could have tried to side step the issue or remind them that I was just their nurse or CNA but why? It would have served no real purpose. They still wouldn't have remembered who I was and I would have missed an opportunity to quell their insecurities and reassure them that someone in their world does indeed care about them.

I admit that I'm not completely comfortable saying to "I love you" to residents since I would normally reserve such a statement for family members. However, I believe that a moment of awkwardness or discomfort is a small price to pay for another person's sense of peace and happiness.

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Specializes in Short Term/Skilled.

If a confused patient thinks I am her daughter and tells me she loves me as I'm leaving her room, I am damn sure going to say it back. I don't initiate "I love you's", but I do reply to them when it's appropriate for the situation.

LTC is a completely different animal than acute care. I've had numerous patients who I really did love like family members.

There have also been times where I've replied with "Thanks" or "That's so sweet", It just depends on the patient, how long I've had them as a patient and the situation.

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Specializes in Oncology (OCN).
I don't have a problem with this as long as it is just a suggestion and not a requirement. I understand the objections voiced in this thread by most of the other posters. However, I have worked in a memory care unit before and believe that this type of emotional validation goes a long way with residents severely affected by dementia. Many of them live in a perpetual state of anxiety and confusion due to their disease. Trying to re-orient them to reality is usually impossible and sometimes even harmful.

This happens to me less often as a nurse now, but when I was a CNA it wasn't unusual for one of these residents to say "I love you" to me as I was assisting them into bed at night. They had no idea who I was. In their mind I was just someone who had cared for their personal needs and shown them kindness. I could have been a friend, relative or complete stranger. They just couldn't remember but believed that I must care about them in order to be providing them with such personal care.

When they said "I love you", I could have tried to side step the issue or remind them that I was just their nurse or CNA but why? It would have served no real purpose. They still wouldn't have remembered who I was and I would have missed an opportunity to quell their insecurities and reassure them that someone in their world does indeed care about them.

I admit that I'm not completely comfortable saying to "I love you" to residents since I would normally reserve such a statement for family members. However, I believe that a moment of awkwardness or discomfort is a small price to pay for another person's sense of peace and happiness.

Point well taken. Sometimes I get tunnel vision and only see the nursing world from my narrow view which is limited to inpatient oncology. I've never worked LTC or on a memory care unit. I never considered trying to re-orient someone to be harmful but can see that if a patient was already in a perpetual state of anxiety and confusion that this could easy escalate causing more anxiety and confusion or even panic. Thank you for your response.

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The residents that I care for on a daily basis on my unit that I respond with, "I love you too" when they say they love me are those residents with which I have formed a bond, sat and listened to them tell me stories about their life and celebrated their accomplishments, even if it was only for a fleeting moment (as it tends to be in the dementia setting).

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
I recently started working in a LTC memory care/dementia/alzheimer's unit and last week we had an inservice on caring for patients/residents and during that inservice we were told that our facility encourages you to say the patient/residents' name regularly and also tell them that you love them every day because it brings them joy. Would you feel comfortable telling a resident/patient you love them? I am just trying to get other opinions because others I work with said it sounds odd. (I should add: I am one of three people who work full-time on my unit, everyone else is part-time or PRN so I am usually on the unit 5-6 days a week and have very strong bonds with my residents, so telling them I love them isn't really an issue for me).

I've never worked in memory care, and I would never want to. Trying to take care of my mother at home was an exercise in frustration -- I was so grateful for the memory care unit that took such good care of her.

Mom's caregivers frequently gave her hugs and told her they loved her. She would brighten up every single time. It made her stay in "an institution" brighter. To me, it seemed absolutely false and strange -- bordering on inappropriate. But Mom loved it, and that's what matters.

That said, I don't think I could do it myself.

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I work private duty with children in their homes, and sometimes I am with the child most of the his waking hours. The last thing I want to do is to compete with the parents. Occasionally, a child will slip and call me, "Mom". I always quickly and gently correct that.

No, I do not tell them that I love them, but I do tell them often that I like them.

Yes! I work with young children in private settings while I'm in school. They're not sick, this is just child care. I can't imagine being on the other side of the fence as a parent who has to work all week, leaving my baby with a nanny, and then that nanny tells them that they love them all day long. It seems almost malicious and competitive, although I would never intend it to be. Still, I don't say it, I wasn't invited to say it, and have chosen to tell my kids that I like them instead.

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Specializes in Wound Care / Foot Care / Case Management.

Seems sort of weird for that to be a requirement of employees; however, I have had elderly patients tell me "Love you" and I say it back without even thinking. This usually come from patients who have gotten to know me and vice versa. But once again, I would not want to be "forced" by the higher ups to say it.

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Specializes in Med/Surge, Psych, LTC, Home Health.

I don't have a problem with the suggestion of it... I too have worked with persons affected with severe dementia... they often have no clue who you are, they think you are their daughter, granddaughter, and to hear you say "I love you" can be immensely comforting. Still, it should not be a requirement of staff to do so. I can see how some people would still be quite uncomfortable. Furthermore, some residents of memory care units are not yet fully into that advanced dementia. Still others may partake in inappropriate, maybe sexual, behavior, making "I love you" even more uncomfortable!

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