Stupid Nurse Tricks (Or How To Look Incredibly Stupid)

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.

It's been awhile since we had a stupid nurse tricks thread, so here goes: How to look Incredibly Stupid Without Really Trying:

Call in to work because it's snowed and it's "not worth your life to drive to work on those roads." Be in a bar down the street from the hospital when your best friend at work uses the "Find My Friends" app on her iPhone to check on when her replacement will get there in to relieve her. (Will you lose your job?)

You've got horrible abdominal pain, but you suck it up and come to work anyway. Yay, you! You collapse in your patient's room and are whisked off to the ER by your manager and an RT. You insist that you're infertile and couldn't possibly be pregnant as you're delivered of a full term baby girl. (OK, this one was a CNS and nursing student.)

Call in sick to work because you want to go to your manager's wedding and you didn't win the "get the weekend off" lottery. Catch the bouquet. (And lose your job.)

You're having palpitations, and you're a little lightheaded and slightly diaphoretic. Strangers at the mall are concerned and offer to call an ambulance. You decline, telling them you're fine. Then you think that you probably should go to the ER, but since you know from AN that you won't get a sandwich to eat, you sit down at Bertucci's and order a plate of ravioli. Then you drive yourself to the ER, park at the bottom of a hill and walk uphill to the entrance. You're surprised when the triage nurse takes you straight back. (Yes, that was me. I was fine.)

Tell everyone at work that you're young, you want to have fun, and you're going to a friend's Halloween party after work. Go to the party dressed as a sexy nurse, and be in lots of pictures. Post those pictures on Facebook. Now call in sick to work the next day at 06:50 for your 07:00 shift. You've friended everyone you work with on FaceBook. (And NOT lose your job. What are the odds?)

Steal money from your colleagues' bags in the breakroom. Get caught by a colleague with a black belt in tae kwon do. Be photographed with a 5 foot tall girl flipping you and then sitting on you until Security arrives. (Have your manliness questioned by everyone who sees the pictures.)

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Ummm see a viral news story online and tell everyone at work about the tragedy you saw online. Get home from work and re-read the news story and learn it's fake and a joke..... Think about how you told everyone a terrible tragic story that isn't even true....... Yes this was me tonight.

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"Forget" to renew your license for 4 years. Then complain when your BON "punishes" you with the need to obtain 35 CEUs. ~ coworker of mine.

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Specializes in Nurse Scientist-Research.

Attempt to assist the doc assessing the new admission by fetching the ophthalmoscope, decide you'll make sure the light works, blind yourself in full view of the doc and all your coworkers. Yep, me.

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Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.

Be an honors nursing student who quits under mysterious circumstances. Be seen by classmates in National Enquirer in an article about surrogate mothers, stating your dream is to "someday be a midwife." (One of my former classmates. I have a picture from a news article about our school of nursing's anniversary with the two of us dressed in uniforms from the early 1900s.)

ETA: Forgot to say that said nursing student was carrying a surrogate's baby, and was eeenormously pregnant in the picture in the Enquirer.

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Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.

:facepalm: + :roflmao: = my enjoyment.

Carry on. ;)

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Specializes in Emergency/Cath Lab.
Attempt to assist the doc assessing the new admission by fetching the ophthalmoscope, decide you'll make sure the light works, blind yourself in full view of the doc and all your coworkers. Yep, me.

Done that and also blinded the doc with an overhead light before they were suturing.

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Brand spanking new orientee in the OR--simple outpatient procedure. Proceed to go over the sterile field at least twice, and brush up against the MD's sterile gloves once. Decide that OR is akin to elephants in china shops and vow that this will NOT be your life goal or dreeeeaaaammmm specialty.....

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Specializes in Emergency.

Helping a handsome Cop with evidence collection helpfully move the overhead light in the trauma bay and smack Mr Handsome in the head with it. Still get his number. I make fun of you forever.

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Specializes in Psychiatry.

"How to look incredibly stupid?": Impulsively decide that at 5'3, 100 lb you can get in the middle of 2 angry male patients and break up a fight with your "Mom" voice. It worked, but only because I got punched and knocked to the floor from a swing intended for the other guy!

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Had a student call in sick for 2 clinical days, only to find out she went skiing in Colorado. Student broke her leg on the slopes. Had to be removed from nursing program for dishonesty. Student had the audacity to appeal to the readmission committee, saying her dismissal was unfair because she had a doctor's excuse!

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Specializes in NICU, ICU, PICU, Academia.

(1990s) Call in and say you're National Guard unit is not being 'allowed' to leave Germany after your two-week summer deployment. Caller ID indicates you are at home. (Yes, fired)

Blushing and modestly listening to 95-year old patient's family gush about what a great nurse you've been tonight. Fail to deflate the art-line pressure bag before removing the spike from said bag. (Of COURSE they were all still in the room!)

Decide to liberate a can of silicone spray from the maintenance man's cart to stop the squeaky break room door. Break nozzle off of said can and turn hallway into a skating rink. (This was 1992 and it's STILL slippery!)

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