There is this male in the term ahead of us that for the past three terms has been trying to be very nice to me. Well at first I thought he was just trying to be friendly. Then one day as I was getting in my car he stood in front of the door so I couldn't close it and was asking me out to dinner with him. I told him no, that I had a partner and I wasn't interested. Since then he still is consistently trying to sit next to me or stand very close to me and I usually just get up and leave the table or conversation to avoid him.
Now people in class have pointed out that they think the behavior is borderline becoming stalkerish because he is calling girls in my term to ask me if they are hanging out with me and where we will be and such.
Well last week while leaving the cafeteria with some of my friends he walked up to me and grabbed my hand hard so that I couldn't let go and asked me out to the movies. I was so mortified that I just flatly told him "NO" and walked away. He then proceeded to walk over to my friends and telling them that I must be busy or something because how could he have asked me out and been rejected.
I went to my instructor about it and at first she just laughed. Then she said, well you're gay and hes gay so whats the problem? I was like, Whats the problem?! I had to explain to her that just because I was gay didn't mean that I wanted to openly flaunt it, or that just because I was gay I was accepting of sexual advances made to me in pubic by other men!
Sigh what would you guys do? Its very very awkward!
There is this male in the term ahead of us that for the past three terms has been trying to be very nice to me. Well at first I thought he was just trying to be friendly. Then one day as I was getting in my car he stood in front of the door so I couldn't close it and was asking me out to dinner with him. I told him no, that I had a partner and I wasn't interested. Since then he still is consistently trying to sit next to me or stand very close to me and I usually just get up and leave the table or conversation to avoid him.
Now people in class have pointed out that they think the behavior is borderline becoming stalkerish because he is calling girls in my term to ask me if they are hanging out with me and where we will be and such.
Well last week while leaving the cafeteria with some of my friends he walked up to me and grabbed my hand hard so that I couldn't let go and asked me out to the movies. I was so mortified that I just flatly told him "NO" and walked away. He then proceeded to walk over to my friends and telling them that I must be busy or something because how could he have asked me out and been rejected.
I went to my instructor about it and at first she just laughed. Then she said, well you're gay and hes gay so whats the problem? I was like, Whats the problem?! I had to explain to her that just because I was gay didn't mean that I wanted to openly flaunt it, or that just because I was gay I was accepting of sexual advances made to me in pubic by other men!
Sigh what would you guys do? Its very very awkward!
I had something similar to this when I was a CNA. I'm straight as an arrow, but was hit on by someone when I was working in their home. He told me how he was getting on the "adult sites" last night, and when I asked if I could use his restroom he said "you can use anything in this apt, including me haha". When I told my bosses about it they laughed it off, until I made the statement "If I were a woman, would you still think it was no big deal?" That opened their eyes and they proceeded to take me out of his house. Sometimes you just have to turn the tables and let them see that it really does bother you, and that if it were someone else in the same role it would bother them as well.
Sexual harrassment has nothing to do with rank. Harrassment is harrassment regardless of what position you hold.
With that being said. If someone is making you feel uncomfortable you need to speak up. If the instructor ignores your concern/complaint, then take it to the next level.
:)
Cardigan2
I do not know if I would call it sexual harassment since he has no power or authority over you at this time. On the other hand, I agree with your friends' assessment that he is a bit "stalkerish" because not only does he not take the answer "NO" because he also has NO CLUE why you would reject him, he continues to pursue and make physical advances.
If I were in your situation I would discuss this with the police to get this on record. IF I do not feel in danger, I would warn him a head of time to stop the behavior before filing a report.
By the way, to the others who stated that women go through this all the time so what is the big deal? Trust me, WE DO NOT LIKE UNWANTED ATTENTION!! "No" means "No". The word "No" does not mean "Catch me at a better time and while you are at it, talk to my friends and pop up when I least expect to see you and ask me out or touch me again."
Specializes in ED, Cardiac-step down, tele, med surg.
Sounds to me like the instructor needs to be reported too b/c of her characterization of gay men. I would be very offended by what your instructor did and would definitely report both the student who is harassing you and the instructor that laughed at the situation an made an ignorant comment. Hope things work out,
Sexual harrassment is sexual harrassment. Gender doesn't matter. Everyone is entitled to freedom from harrassment.
I would make a formal complaint of the harrassment to the Director of your program. Further, I would describe the inadequate response you received from your instructor.
Damn right.
If he approachs you again make a scene, and make it clear to him and everyone around you that he is unwelcome and this is ongoing harassment. Make it very clear. Then get that restraining order, and make a police report.
He is giving me the creeps from miles away, don't let it slide.
Go for discrimination on the part of the instructor while you're at it. That's a bunch of bull that the instructor said that. I could never ever say that to someone who is gay nevertheless my student. That's just downright rude, inappropriate, and wrong.
write him a letter and state your position. Make sure you have witnesses when you're handing him that letter. Keep a copy to urself. If he persists, report him and show proof that he's been warned.
I think you have on your hands a gay guy that probably has insecurity issues. He's the type that are good natured at heart but they take the word "love" way too loosely. He's the type that just because he found another gay guy he thinks it was "meant to be". I think he has a lot of growing up to do (how old are you two anyways). If it continues I'd report his butt in a second, especially if you are already in a relatioinship. Also it kinda pisses me off that your sup was like (well you're both gay so what's the problem)... I think that's kind of offensive because even though I'm not sure if she meant it in this way, I took that to be as a "gay men are premiscuous" jab. It's frustrating to me because I have been in that situation before and I know how we can be very catty and when these types of drama-queens don't get their way they can be very vindictive. God... I'm having high school flasbacks just thinking about this. I wouldn't even have suggested to him that I was gay... unless your obviously so... haha (no offense, but I don't know if you're more femme or whatever).
Yeah... I'm ranting now, but I feel your pain. Have no mercy. People like him need to know that "no" means "no". Chances are he's just trying to get into your pants... and is probably the type that would invite your bf to the party.
Be safe out there,
gay guy to gay guy.
PS
I think there are a lot of stereotypes out there about the gay community that the gay community sometimes doesn't really help to absolve... if you're glbt or glbt friendly please set the example and be a roll model for the younger generations... like the ones... oh yeah... we didn't have any besides the stereotypes we saw on TV... hmm... I think I may be on to something here.
Specializes in L&D, High Risk OB, OR, Med-Surg, PHN.
]Dreamer, all I can think of is SCARY watch out for yourself because in this day and age stuff can change and get violent in a blink of an eye. Protect yourself if need arises and notify police if needed just because you are gay doesn't mean you should be treated different. Good Luck.
treysdaddy08
190 Posts
I had something similar to this when I was a CNA. I'm straight as an arrow, but was hit on by someone when I was working in their home. He told me how he was getting on the "adult sites" last night, and when I asked if I could use his restroom he said "you can use anything in this apt, including me haha". When I told my bosses about it they laughed it off, until I made the statement "If I were a woman, would you still think it was no big deal?" That opened their eyes and they proceeded to take me out of his house. Sometimes you just have to turn the tables and let them see that it really does bother you, and that if it were someone else in the same role it would bother them as well.