Student blatently sexually harrassed me...

Published

Specializes in PCU/Hospice/Oncology.

There is this male in the term ahead of us that for the past three terms has been trying to be very nice to me. Well at first I thought he was just trying to be friendly. Then one day as I was getting in my car he stood in front of the door so I couldn't close it and was asking me out to dinner with him. I told him no, that I had a partner and I wasn't interested. Since then he still is consistently trying to sit next to me or stand very close to me and I usually just get up and leave the table or conversation to avoid him.

Now people in class have pointed out that they think the behavior is borderline becoming stalkerish because he is calling girls in my term to ask me if they are hanging out with me and where we will be and such.

Well last week while leaving the cafeteria with some of my friends he walked up to me and grabbed my hand hard so that I couldn't let go and asked me out to the movies. I was so mortified that I just flatly told him "NO" and walked away. He then proceeded to walk over to my friends and telling them that I must be busy or something because how could he have asked me out and been rejected.

I went to my instructor about it and at first she just laughed. Then she said, well you're gay and hes gay so whats the problem? I was like, Whats the problem?! I had to explain to her that just because I was gay didn't mean that I wanted to openly flaunt it, or that just because I was gay I was accepting of sexual advances made to me in pubic by other men!

Sigh what would you guys do? Its very very awkward!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
or that just because I was gay I was accepting of sexual advances made to me in pubic by other men!

In pubic? ;)

Seriously, this happens to women all the time. "So he thinks you're attractive. That's nice. What's the problem?"

I don't know what to advise, but I feel for you.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ED.

Wow pal that really bites. REPORT is butt, maybe to someone above your professor. If it gets to scary for you, as a last resort could always cowboy up and just tell him to STEP OFF. I feel for you sorry to hear it.

D

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Cardiac Care.

Sexual harrassment is sexual harrassment. Gender doesn't matter. Everyone is entitled to freedom from harrassment.

I would make a formal complaint of the harrassment to the Director of your program. Further, I would describe the inadequate response you received from your instructor.

Good luck to you.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Adult and Pediatric Vascular Access, Paramedic.

Oh the drama!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I would just keep a little journal of events in a spirit of healthy paranoia.

I hope you do not have to go through any more of this mistreatment, but be prepared to draw the line with this person, telling him directly that you won't tolerate any more advances, hopefully in front of a reliable witness or three. Document that, too. Report *anything* after that to someone in authority. It frightens me when people don't realize or respect boundaries or social norms. It's just creepy and makes you wonder what they're capable of.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med/Surg.

Definately report it it to the Director of your program. Also, keep a paper trail of who you reported to, the date, time, etc. Also document any other instances involving him. If your director does nothing, the next step would be to report this to the police. I know, nobody ever thinks it's "serious enough" to go to the police with until he is showing up at your door step at crazy hours. However, by having a police report filed, they can approach him and tell him to back off. Maybe that will do it. If not, you already have a paper trail with the police if he is truly crazy and turns violent. And since he has already grabbed a hold of you in public with a grip strong enough that you couldn't pull away, I would say he is well on his way.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in PCU/Hospice/Oncology.

Hmm thank you guys for the advice! I never thought of writting a letter! Im going to notify the head of the department. I just felt so humiliated in front of my classmates for so many reasons. To top it off I never told this person I was gay! And I was just so taken aback when my instructor fluffed it off.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ED, ICU, MS/MT, PCU, CM, House Sup, Frontline mgr.
There is this male in the term ahead of us that for the past three terms has been trying to be very nice to me. Well at first I thought he was just trying to be friendly. Then one day as I was getting in my car he stood in front of the door so I couldn't close it and was asking me out to dinner with him. I told him no, that I had a partner and I wasn't interested. Since then he still is consistently trying to sit next to me or stand very close to me and I usually just get up and leave the table or conversation to avoid him.

Now people in class have pointed out that they think the behavior is borderline becoming stalkerish because he is calling girls in my term to ask me if they are hanging out with me and where we will be and such.

Sigh what would you guys do? Its very very awkward!

I do not know if I would call it sexual harassment since he has no power or authority over you at this time. On the other hand, I agree with your friends' assessment that he is a bit "stalkerish" because not only does he not take the answer "NO" because he also has NO CLUE why you would reject him, he continues to pursue and make physical advances.

If I were in your situation I would discuss this with the police to get this on record. IF I do not feel in danger, I would warn him a head of time to stop the behavior before filing a report.

By the way, to the others who stated that women go through this all the time so what is the big deal? Trust me, WE DO NOT LIKE UNWANTED ATTENTION!! "No" means "No". The word "No" does not mean "Catch me at a better time and while you are at it, talk to my friends and pop up when I least expect to see you and ask me out or touch me again." :twocents:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med-Surg.

How about just sitting down with him and tell him you are not interested. Then, if he continues go through the chain of command.

Make sure you document all of this..

Ray

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I would ignore it unless he does anything threatening. I've experienced unrequited love myself, so I'm usually pretty tolerant of this sort of thing unless I'm obviously being pressured. Just keep smiling and saying no. I wouldn't considering this being stalked or harrassed, yet.

Personally, I prefer to suffer through unwanted advances to keep open the possibility of wanted ones.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Oncology/Haemetology/HIV.
How about just sitting down with him and tell him you are not interested. Then, if he continues go through the chain of command.

Make sure you document all of this..

The grabbing of your hand and not letting you go, along with a repeated attempt at going out.....bothers me. As a female, I find it an attempt to intimidate me....especially if this individual was already told that I was partnered and not interested.

You are going into nursing.

Assess the situation.

Explain in no uncertain terms that you are partnered, and that you are not attracted to him and do not want any more romantic attention from him....if possible in front of a neutral witness.

And Document...Document....Document.

(If it isn't documented...it isn't done).

And I am utterly appalled with your instructor's attitude.

Yes, unwanted behavior happens to women all the time, but it shouldn't.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion