Student blatently sexually harrassed me...

[Thedreamer]

There is this male in the term ahead of us that for the past three terms has been trying to be very nice to me. Well at first I thought he was just trying to be friendly. Then one day as I was getting in my car he stood in front of the door so I couldn't close it and was asking me out to dinner with him. I told him no, that I had a partner and I wasn't interested. Since then he still is consistently trying to sit next to me or stand very close to me and I usually just get up and leave the table or conversation to avoid him.

Now people in class have pointed out that they think the behavior is borderline becoming stalkerish because he is calling girls in my term to ask me if they are hanging out with me and where we will be and such.

Well last week while leaving the cafeteria with some of my friends he walked up to me and grabbed my hand hard so that I couldn't let go and asked me out to the movies. I was so mortified that I just flatly told him "NO" and walked away. He then proceeded to walk over to my friends and telling them that I must be busy or something because how could he have asked me out and been rejected.

I went to my instructor about it and at first she just laughed. Then she said, well you're gay and hes gay so whats the problem? I was like, Whats the problem?! I had to explain to her that just because I was gay didn't mean that I wanted to openly flaunt it, or that just because I was gay I was accepting of sexual advances made to me in pubic by other men!

Sigh what would you guys do? Its very very awkward!

[MQ Edna]

oooooooooo you're both gay. Work it out! LOL!!!

So I must reiterate:

"Also it kinda pisses me off that your sup was like (well you're both gay so what's the problem)... I think that's kind of offensive because even though I'm not sure if she meant it in this way, I took that to be as a "gay men are premiscuous" jab."

:angryfire:angryfire:angryfire

[Satori77, ADN]

Stalking is not a joke. It doesn't matter that you are a man, or that you are gay. This doesn't sound like one person liking another. He sounds delusional and nothing you say to him will matter, because he won't hear it. I am a woman and was harrassed by a man. We had mutual friends (this was in college) and hung out a lot together. But he made me uncomfortable with his sexual comments and advancements. He didn't care that I was seeing someone either. He tried to get alone with me ever chance he could. I talked to friends and they laughed it off, saying he just liked me. I talked to campus security, and they couldn't be bothered. This went on for several months, until the day he raped me. No one took it seriously until then. Don't let this slide. If teachers or security won't listen to you, then go to the police. Document everything. This guy could turn from creepy to very dangerous in a blink. And while your at it, report the teacher to the dean as well. Her flippant attitude is disgusting and ignorant. Good luck.

[Anubis]

I do not know if I would call it sexual harassment since he has no power or authority over you at this time.

Doesn't matter...sexual harassment doesn't only come from people who have power/authority over you, it can come from co-workers of equal stature. Go to your supervisor, or up the chain to someone who can and will interject on your behalf. If you can't find one, the police may be your next step.

Or, if you don't want to go to all that trouble....once I had a guy keep asking me out who just would NOT take no for an answer. I lied and told him I had an infectious case of anal warts that gave me sporadic bouts of explosive diarrhea. He went off me for some reason.

NOTE: I'm not trying to minimize or ridicule what you're going through at all, harassment is wrong regardless of gender or sexual orientation. But sometimes I find that it's easier to deal with some things yourself, especially if you think you're not going to be treated fairly because of the potential for prejudice from others. Good luck!

[Transgender_n_TN]

To top it off I never told this person I was gay! And I was just so taken aback when my instructor fluffed it off.

How old are you dear? I guess you've never believed in the convenience of "gay-dar". lol

People don't realize it, but gay men are very observant people. They pick up on minutiae such as body language, non verbal communications, speech patterns, public persona everything that a decent psychologist would easily recognize and discern. And the most interesting thing about it, is that most gay men don't even realize that they are doing it! It's an instinctual reaction, mostly developed from years of observing things from the sideline or to protect themselves. They are basically giving you a psychological profiling while they observe you. "Gay-dar" is nothing more than a well developed ability to analyze people based on extremely rapid observations.

You forget too, that women pick up on minutiae even more easily. You say alot in what you don't say or do.

As everyone has already said to you....documentation, documentation, documentation. Your instructors reaction was very unprofessional. Go to the Director of your program and report all these incidents. And as another person told you, report it to the police if it escalates.

[EnigmaNZ]

This subject gave me a reason to join the site :) First of all, if this guy is a fellow student nurse, and he is this persistent, what is he going to be like around young male patients under his care. If he can't control his sexual desires, he shouldn't really be nursing perhaps. This guy may be a potential rapist, of you, another male nurse, or a patient. One reason to take this further until you are listened to, remind those you talk to that if something happens after you have warned them, they may be in a percarious legal position.

Secondly, I am gay and older and I fell head over heels for this young guy that started in our organisation. Looking back on it I became obscessed with him. I made contact finally and he reported it, I was admonished, and it did me no harm. It broke the obscession, and I was rather embarrassed by the way I had behaved. I really couldn't stop myself. So don't think reporting him is necessarily bad for him, it may be what he needs to be more objective. Good luck.

[William Long]

You have the right to go to school and be safe from unwanted sexual advances. To me a "No" is NO!

Nursing school is hard enough without the added pressure of worrying about a jerk who will not step off!

I think that you need the paper trail as suggested, and to escalate to the next level if the instructor brushes you off again.

Peace

[chickapea]

That's lame that your instructor just laughed. I'd go above her. You need to be comfortable at school in order to do well. No one deserves to be harassed like this. The instructors should be advocates for their students in situations like these. I hope that guy learns some boundries before he becomes a nurse... yikes! I hope this gets resolved quickly for you. :redpinkhe