There is this male in the term ahead of us that for the past three terms has been trying to be very nice to me. Well at first I thought he was just trying to be friendly. Then one day as I was getting in my car he stood in front of the door so I couldn't close it and was asking me out to dinner with him. I told him no, that I had a partner and I wasn't interested. Since then he still is consistently trying to sit next to me or stand very close to me and I usually just get up and leave the table or conversation to avoid him.
Now people in class have pointed out that they think the behavior is borderline becoming stalkerish because he is calling girls in my term to ask me if they are hanging out with me and where we will be and such.
Well last week while leaving the cafeteria with some of my friends he walked up to me and grabbed my hand hard so that I couldn't let go and asked me out to the movies. I was so mortified that I just flatly told him "NO" and walked away. He then proceeded to walk over to my friends and telling them that I must be busy or something because how could he have asked me out and been rejected.
I went to my instructor about it and at first she just laughed. Then she said, well you're gay and hes gay so whats the problem? I was like, Whats the problem?! I had to explain to her that just because I was gay didn't mean that I wanted to openly flaunt it, or that just because I was gay I was accepting of sexual advances made to me in pubic by other men!
Sigh what would you guys do? Its very very awkward!
Would you believe that creepy guy is following me again and even sat down next to me TWICE today. He waited till I was alone to do it both times.. Now I am worried and going to just be going everywhere with friends Should I tell my instructor?
Would you believe that creepy guy is following me again and even sat down next to me TWICE today. He waited till I was alone to do it both times.. Now I am worried and going to just be going everywhere with friends Should I tell my instructor?
Hey thedreamer..was this the same guy who was asking about you to your classmates before?
If any of this is happening at school, notify campus security. If it continues off-campus, call the police non-emergency number and ask what your options are.
Campus security is less likely to be affected by the political concerns that the nursing school might be tempted to consider. The nursing dept. might feel like they don't want to get involved in something that would require them to choose sides between two of their own. Not right, but it happens.
Campus security is usually more concerned with safety and the legal aspects. Besides which, you can hint that you hope they will be able to handle the situation or you may be forced to call local law enforcement. Most campus cops would prefer to deal with problems themselves. If they can help, great. If not, don't hesitate to contact the police.
One of my daughters was harrassed by a person substantially older than she was when she worked at a campus bookstore. They didn't mess around. Her boss called the local cops. They "spoke with" the person in question and escorted my daughter to her car for several nights. The stalker quit bothering her, knowing that his unwanted attention could get him in trouble.
Write a letter to the department head addressing the inappropriate advances if you think that this will compromise this person's ability to be a good nurse. But don't rely on administration to do a job that really belongs to law enforcement. The two entities have distinctly different agendas.
One other note: don't get caught up in conversation with this guy. Don't explain anything. Don't try to reason with him. Just say, "Leave me alone, or I will call the police." No matter what kind of snare he throws your way, repeat your message. "Go away, or I will call the police." If he persists, pull your cell phone out, or head for the nearest pay phone (if you can find one). It's important that you be absolutely clear that you do not want his attention. Conversing, even to try to extricate yourself, gives a mixed message. You can't pussyfoot around with someone who is infatuated/obsessed with you.
It's probably a good idea to pre-program your phone with campus police and local police numbers so that you are ready. If he should catch you off guard, just dial another number and pretend you are calling the police.
Be consistent and clear that you do not want his attention. Period. Don't bring up having a partner or anything else. Those things are irrelevant. And there are nutcases out there who would then focus on the partner, thinking that if the partner were not around, then you would be available. The main point is that you want him to go away. End of story.
When you pre program your cell phone with the number of the local police, make sure you use the 10 digit number, not 911. Don't hesitate to follow through with calling the police. You never know how nutty this guy might get. You don't want to become an injured or dead statistic if you can prevent it. Good luck.
I was just so creeped out. I wrote a letter to the head nurse at our school. Now I am going to program my phone and tell him next time he talks to me I am going to call the police. Youd think he woulda taken the hint by now? and this guy is going to be a NURSE!
Today I was outside waiting for the instructor to open the door to our class, talking to three girls I know. I am facing them all. Im in the middle of talking when all of a sudden all their expressions turn to wide eyed mouth opened ones.. I was like what the heck- and then I felt a arm wrap around my mid section.
It was that guy again! I went straight to campus security pointed him out and they kinda just gave me a look and asked if I was pointing to the "Man over there." I said yes. They kinda chuckled and told me they'd look into it.. I was angry when I went back to class that I couldn't focus on the lecture
My friends told me that he had stood there for a good 30 seconds while I was talking, looking me up and down licking his lips and smiling. And I haven't heard back about the letter I gave in to the Head nurse of our program. AND the campus security didn't take me seriously. So my family are police officers and when my brother gets home I am going to talk to him about what my options are.
Ask your cop relatives if you can use the offensive behavior and him placing his hands on your body (in front of witnesses) as grounds for a restraining order. If you have the money, you might want to see a lawyer and proceed. Since the school is not taking you seriously so far, perhaps a letter from your lawyer concerning your plans to take action for sexual harassment, naming the school, would make them wake up and smell the coffee. It might make your school life hell, but it sounds to me like it already is. Sooner or later, you have to stand up for yourself. Good luck.
I just talked to my brother. He said all I need is his name, and school and some basic info and then I can go to the courthouse and get a restraining order.
Im gonna look into that tom marrow and notify the school of what I am doing and make it clear that I tried the chain of command before taking this step.
Wow! The professor thought it was okay because both of you were gay? That blows me away. She must have some hidden stereotypes about gay men that allow blatent harassment to be laughed off as "normal behavior". I wonder if she would have reacted the same had a female student come to her being harassed by a male.
Specializes in Peds Cardiology,Peds Neuro,Pedi ER,PICU, IV Jedi.
Good thing you have a relative whom you can depend on. Get a restraining order. I'm just sorry that the people you trust with your safety (campus security) and others (the head nurse of your program) are as ignorant to your problem as they seem. Makes me wonder what would happen if the security guard's daughter was being harassed??
It doesn't matter whether you're gay or not, harassment is harassment and it needs to be dealt with. Keep us posted. I hope your environment changes soon.
Should I tell my instructor?
and this guy is going to be a NURSE!
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Thedreamer
384 Posts
Would you believe that creepy guy is following me again and even sat down next to me TWICE today. He waited till I was alone to do it both times.. Now I am worried and going to just be going everywhere with friends
Should I tell my instructor?