I'm just looking for some advice or thoughts on my situation. I am a new grad nurse in month 4 of my first job as a nurse. I am a 40 year old male. I work in an ICU. I have about 35 days before I am allowed to work alone.
I had a 26 year old female nurse that was "covering" me as my preceptor she has worked on my ICU for 3 months and has about 2 years overall experience.
SHe is pretty good at her job, not perfect but she is definitely a bright nurse and has a big ego.
Just working beside her she finds ways to make snide backhanded comments to me, like did you do this, you probably don't know what I'm talking about do ya? Or she'll see me do something and make a comment about it and laugh in my face.
Just really mean type stuff. Of course, she has developed a pretty good bond with some of the other nurses already like they go to dinner and hang out. So she's pretty well liked by the core group of about 4-5 nurses that we work with.
Anyway, she was precepting me and I was off the floor for a class for 4 hours and I had a pt that needed a stroke work up while I was in class. So Lab came up and drew about 14 tubes of blood. When I came back there were 4 labs still to be collected so I asked a preceptor about them and he said that those labs were already drawn.
Well of course they indeed needed to drawn and she started being condescending and saying that failed to do my job (which I did ) but she started berating me like I was a four year old and stood over my shoulder and shouted at me while I was charting like "don't click there, what are you doing?, do you know what you are doing? How many times have you done this, my god!"
and I blew up and called her a smartass &*^*& and told her to get away from me. She told the director on me and has since started a bunch of gossip about me. Things like I'm a moron that doesn't understand the very basics. When I came to work they were all gossiping and they got quiet when I walked by.
I'm starting to be shunned by the core group. My boss called me in and said there was no excuse for me cursing her and she was right about the labs.
Oh and since this happened I have been messing up things left and right. I feel like the end is near for me at my job. Do you guys think I can salvage things or should I start looking for work?
You say you are a veteran and collecting a pension? Are you receiving disability for PTSD? I've worked with enough veterans to know sometimes you can only handle so much frustration before the genie comes out of the bottle and you lash out with verbal attack mode. I've seen it between co-workers, between staff and patients, and between veteran staff members and non-veteran staff members. While this behavior may have been OK in the military among someone of your own rank or lesser rank, we both know you would have never spoken to a higher rank or an NCO or officer this way who was commanding you. I am not scolding you. You know you were in the wrong. Your preceptor was definitely in the wrong too.
What I would do if it were me is I would ask for a meeting with HR, your preceptor, and the nurse manager for that unit. Sit down and apologize for the rude comment. Explain how you're feeling, what the issue was, and then if you have PTSD diagnosis explain that sometimes you do have anger issues. It's ok we are all human. I've lost my patience with staff and patients before too. It happens. What they will be looking for is;
1. Are you sorry for doing it?
2. What changes will you make to make sure it does not happen again? anger management class or some type of team building class through the hospital?
You might just not be a good fit for that department. That's ok too. You have 2 things against you. 1. You are older and new in the profession. Many folks take that as a way to belittle you and put you in your place because precepting someone older than they are makes them feel awkward and less intelligent. I've seen it go just the opposite there where I've precepted people older than me and they acted like I knew nothing because I was 15-20 years younger than them, even though they were a new grad in the field.
2. You are male. Unfortunately (and I am going to take heat for this, but I've seen it firsthand) many women in nursing do not like having a male on staff in their area. It breaks up clicks and men are stereotypically less prone to drama or gossip and you being ex military even more so. Perhaps find an area with more males in it or a better fit and ask for a transfer.
Yeah, I know....I just reacted....I pride myself on being a nice and professional person....I think that's why i'm having all these strange feelings of being upset and distracted at work...
There are 2 sides to every story and we only have your side and in my 50+ years of life I've discovered that when people tell a story they usually embellish it a bit so to attract more sympathy for themselves.
That being said, I wonder how much this has to do with you being a 40 year old male having to take direction from a 26 year old female.
Your point is salient and I totally concur. I wouldn't be surprised if the preceptor lied and said, "He made me feel threatened" after the OP attempted to reason with her.
Attempted to reason with her by calling her a name and telling her to stay away from him?
Right. We only have his side of the story-could there not be more to it? Just the fact that he mentions his age and gender and her age and gender makes me wonder what his attitude has been towards her and maybe, just maybe the halo he gives himself is not deserved.
Yes, I let her get away with about 10 different occasions where she smarted me off and I let those instances fester and build...... and number 11, 12, 13 were too much....
But, either way I get upset...If I ignore it and now that I acted this way
I regret it and feel horrible.....
"where she smarted you off"
That's the problem-your attitude. She is not your child-that's what you say to your child. If you have that type of attitude regarding people who you work with that are younger than you then you have a problem.
And one more thing. If you had done that to a superior officer that was younger than you in the military you would have demoted.
Lord, how did you ever make it through basic training.
Well maybe I was a little lazy and used a basic phase like smart me off, because it just came to mind, but what really happened is that she insulted me in various ways with her words and with her tone.
For all the people that have dwelled on the fact that I'm 40 and she's 26 or that I'm a man and she's a woman, I only put those elements in the story to paint the full picture and give all the dynamics. I certainly don't look down on women or those younger than me. I have been married to the same woman for 20 years and I have an 11 year old daughter that I have raised to be as strong as any man.
However, I will give you an update. I came to work last week and my unit supervisor basically sat with me through reports and watched me work. She wasn't mean, she was very matter of fact. Luckily I had just made a comprehensive list of every task that I am responsible for during the day. So if I got lost in a task, I could pull my list out, refocus and get back on track.
I had two patients with 5 hourly checks /assessments that were required. I set my watch to countdown and alarm every 50 mins. when my alarm rang, I knew I had 10 mins to finish whatever I was doing and begin my hourly tasks. I made sure that I paid attention to everything I did and that I documented accurately and completely. I stayed my patients rooms the entire 12 hour shift and I was able to stay exactly on time and on task with everything for the entire shift. I made sure my patients were clean and their rooms were impeccably clean with everything put away or disposed of after use.
I have been working like this for 3 days. I don't have problem with it. As far as the woman that I had the argument with we have said hello to each other a few times and that is about it. I make sure that I try to use a friendly tone of voice with her.
I don't know what's going to happen, but I am just trying to hold up my end of the work relationship as a good employee and give excellent care to my patients.
I am going to try and work at least a year in critical care and then maybe look to work somewhere else, but I have always heard that all nursing is stressful and demanding. Does anybody have any ideas about a type of nursing that is not such a pressure cooker?
Honestly you just did what many nurses wish they could do. That nurse wanted to provoke you. Since you are new, you have to go through a boot camp style initiation. She wanted to get you to where she did. Why did she do it?, who knows and it doesn't matter. The point is, you have to sadly take the abuse because you are new. You can talk to them and tell them what you think, also explain to them to lower their voice but you can't control how people act, only you can control how you respond.I had to go through it at my job and trust me, I felt like cursing many nurses out but I didn't. I told myself I wouldn't let them win. Don't let anyone compromise your bread and butter. I know you aren't a crazy person, you are human and were dealing with inhumane things. It is a shame that we nurses put more emphasis in being nice to the patients but treat each other like crap. It is fake to be that way and I can't stand nurses that do this. You must go to work with armor on because you are operating in a battlefield of nurses dear, and some women like to take their men troubles out on the male nurses. Good luck but you must kiss that nurses butt a little and play friendly if you want to fix this. Act like she has the upper-hand a little bit, give great care to the patients and collect your check. One day you will know more and won't need as much help, you can be nice to that new nurse unlike this nasty nurse. The other thing is if you are a very manly type nurse you will be given a hard time. As I said, many women may see their husband they don't like in you. I know this sounds crazy but it is true.
The point is, you have to sadly take the abuse because you are new.
This is the apathetic nonsense that plagues our "profession". Why on Earth do you think a person should have to listen to rude remarks directed towards them and not be able to address them? While the OP went about it the wrong way, NO one should be expected to take verbal abuse from a coworker in a professional setting. This pervasive thinking only brings the profession down.
You need to find another job. If this has rattled you enough that you are messing up and cannot concentrate, for your own sanity and nursing license. But first, go to HR and explain your situation and ask for mediation. This is buy you some time to get into better graces and not have to find a job outside of the hospital. In the time being, ask for a transfer to another department or another shift. You need to get away now. Nurses are notorious for eating new nurses!
I've had terrible preceptors as well. The saying "nurses eat their young" is so true, I don't understand why they agree to precept if they don't want to do it. Cocky nurses make the worst preceptors, I had one preceptor tell me "I will not let you go pump!", my daughter was 3 months old and I was nursing. Nursing is a cruel environment. I second guess my career choice all the time.
Specializes in Case management, occupational health.
Sorry but I think you need to start looking for another job. What you did was unacceptable and I am actually surprised you were not let go when it happened. Her behavior was wrong and I am not defending her but cussing and name calling is very unprofessional and I am sure every nurse in the hospital knows by now.
One piece of advice I got early on was in nursing everyone knows everyone, never burn your bridges because you never know who you will need later on. I have found that to be very true.
Also nursing is a tough career, you will have other nurses, doctors, patients and families treat you worse than this preceptor did and it sounds like you are not ready to handle that yet
AuDDoc
102 Posts
Yes you screwed up. You know that.
You say you are a veteran and collecting a pension? Are you receiving disability for PTSD? I've worked with enough veterans to know sometimes you can only handle so much frustration before the genie comes out of the bottle and you lash out with verbal attack mode. I've seen it between co-workers, between staff and patients, and between veteran staff members and non-veteran staff members. While this behavior may have been OK in the military among someone of your own rank or lesser rank, we both know you would have never spoken to a higher rank or an NCO or officer this way who was commanding you. I am not scolding you. You know you were in the wrong. Your preceptor was definitely in the wrong too.
What I would do if it were me is I would ask for a meeting with HR, your preceptor, and the nurse manager for that unit. Sit down and apologize for the rude comment. Explain how you're feeling, what the issue was, and then if you have PTSD diagnosis explain that sometimes you do have anger issues. It's ok we are all human. I've lost my patience with staff and patients before too. It happens. What they will be looking for is;
1. Are you sorry for doing it?
2. What changes will you make to make sure it does not happen again? anger management class or some type of team building class through the hospital?
You might just not be a good fit for that department. That's ok too. You have 2 things against you. 1. You are older and new in the profession. Many folks take that as a way to belittle you and put you in your place because precepting someone older than they are makes them feel awkward and less intelligent. I've seen it go just the opposite there where I've precepted people older than me and they acted like I knew nothing because I was 15-20 years younger than them, even though they were a new grad in the field.
2. You are male. Unfortunately (and I am going to take heat for this, but I've seen it firsthand) many women in nursing do not like having a male on staff in their area. It breaks up clicks and men are stereotypically less prone to drama or gossip and you being ex military even more so. Perhaps find an area with more males in it or a better fit and ask for a transfer.
Good luck!