I'm just looking for some advice or thoughts on my situation. I am a new grad nurse in month 4 of my first job as a nurse. I am a 40 year old male. I work in an ICU. I have about 35 days before I am allowed to work alone.
I had a 26 year old female nurse that was "covering" me as my preceptor she has worked on my ICU for 3 months and has about 2 years overall experience.
SHe is pretty good at her job, not perfect but she is definitely a bright nurse and has a big ego.
Just working beside her she finds ways to make snide backhanded comments to me, like did you do this, you probably don't know what I'm talking about do ya? Or she'll see me do something and make a comment about it and laugh in my face.
Just really mean type stuff. Of course, she has developed a pretty good bond with some of the other nurses already like they go to dinner and hang out. So she's pretty well liked by the core group of about 4-5 nurses that we work with.
Anyway, she was precepting me and I was off the floor for a class for 4 hours and I had a pt that needed a stroke work up while I was in class. So Lab came up and drew about 14 tubes of blood. When I came back there were 4 labs still to be collected so I asked a preceptor about them and he said that those labs were already drawn.
Well of course they indeed needed to drawn and she started being condescending and saying that failed to do my job (which I did ) but she started berating me like I was a four year old and stood over my shoulder and shouted at me while I was charting like "don't click there, what are you doing?, do you know what you are doing? How many times have you done this, my god!"
and I blew up and called her a smartass &*^*& and told her to get away from me. She told the director on me and has since started a bunch of gossip about me. Things like I'm a moron that doesn't understand the very basics. When I came to work they were all gossiping and they got quiet when I walked by.
I'm starting to be shunned by the core group. My boss called me in and said there was no excuse for me cursing her and she was right about the labs.
Oh and since this happened I have been messing up things left and right. I feel like the end is near for me at my job. Do you guys think I can salvage things or should I start looking for work?
I think this job is a lost cause, cut your losses and leave before you get a really bad write up.
You could choose to stay but the recovery phase of this kind of thing is long and tedious. I don't think you have the temperament for it. You are and will be in a subordinate position for several months to a year or more. You are a replaceable commodity and have disrupted unit cohesiveness no matter how dysfunctional it may be. It's their world and you will never be a part of it.
It is an ABSOLUTE no-no to seriously cuss someone out in the nursing work world. Being male you are already a little on the outside and can be intimidating by your size or tone of voice. Your boss has already given you the no excuse rhetoric so quit making them.
Yeah, it sucks that you got a nasty jab in the ribs in your first game. It is NOT all your fault but just not worth trying to crawl your way back into their good graces. I would get the heck outta Dodge while you can properly resign and look for a better fit.
Thank you for the advice....I have put at least work through the holidays....But, I think I'm going to leave, not immediately, maybe in the spring....I'd really need to get a year experience or I'm going to be put back on probation at wherever I get I hired...
Specializes in Med-Surg, OB, ICU, Public Health Nursing.
I know....I lost it
I think your response was a result of the ongoing cumulative treatment you received. All we can do is learn from our mistakes. In the future, if not being precepted in a professional, respectful way, then speak to NM immediately. Don't wait for the situation to deteriorate.
I think your response was a result of the ongoing cumulative treatment you received. All we can do is learn from our mistakes. In the future, if not being precepted in a professional, respectful way, then speak to NM immediately. Don't wait for the situation to deteriorate.
Yes, I let her get away with about 10 different occasions where she smarted me off and I let those instances fester and build...... and number 11, 12, 13 were too much....
But, either way I get upset...If I ignore it and now that I acted this way
Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.
You need to be looking for a new job. Your days there are numbered. You also need to learn some effective anger management in the mean time.
But also, be looking for a new job because this sounds like an extremely toxic environment. Someone who has been on the job three months has no business precepting. Look for a place with formal preceptor education, so that people doing the teaching know how to effectively educate without berating.
Can't "like" this one enough. Also, teach yourself to take a step backwards when other people's poorly-brought up children are pushing your buttons. When you get good at maintaining a serene, bemused expression she'll have to carry on her crap in a vacuum and then maybe she'll realize how stupid she looks.
Meanwhile, look for the exit if you're not already shown it. You deserve professional grown-up preceptors. An ICU isn't a daycare.
Maybe didn't handle it text book but no way I let another person degrade me like that. You HAVE to defend yourself in a situation like that. I feel bad for your situation, it really sucks getting paired with someone like that. I have been lucky at my job, all my preceptors were incredibly cool.
You need to use your chain of command and sit down and tell them what is going on and how you feel about the situation.
I would strongly suggest (in the interest of all involved) that you suck it up and pull the preceptor aside and apologize for losing your temper on her. Then go on to calmly explain that you felt she was frequently condescending to you and it was not conducive to your learning or to patient care. I believe there is still something to be salvaged. In my experience, and not just in nursing, these kinds of things blow over quickly. You may never be best friends with the little girl's clique, but they'll find something else to gossip about very shortly.
The least you can do is make right the situation as best you can and be the better person. Regardless of her mistakes, you made one too by blowing up on her.
So sorry this happened to you. Unfortunately I have see this before. I have worked in units where the preceptors sat at the desk and let the new person flounder saying, "ha ha, they'll either sink or swim, ha, ha" Personally I cherish the preceptor role because it is my chance to leave a lasting impression on how to do patient care in what I feel is a safe and good way. I have worked in many, many environments. Some are horrible and some are awesome. I am currently in awesome and hope to stay there till death do us part.
That said I suggest that you turn this situation into a valuable learning experience. You have to learn that no matter how mean they are, you have to stay cool. If you can't stay cool than you won't do well in nursing. You think it's bad having a fellow nurse do this to you. What happens when a doc does it. Or worse when a patient or their family does it.
In the long run you will never lose by being silent. In the long run you will find that everyday there is someone that is out of control and you have to be the control.
You aren't going to be able to stay there, so I would like to suggest that you use this situation for some practice. Go to your manager and tell them you are sorry. Go to the nurse and tell her you are sorry. Tell her what you did not like about the way she was treating you.
Go to your fellow nurses and tell them you are sorry. This will be painful but educational. I have learned the hard way that the only way to deal with bullies is to calmly look at them and say, "Your behavior is not acceptable and I will sit here calmly until you are able to change it."
They are always so shocked that you called them on it and you have now shown you are more mature. They will be embarrassed in front of their fellow nurses, but in a way that you don't get in trouble. And in two situations I did see the person stop their bully antics and improve. Do this and then put in your notice.
There is a very slim chance that after you have done all of this they might let you stay, but I wouldn't count on it. However, having done this you will leave your manager with the impression that you can admit to your mistakes, take responsibility for them and grow in maturity. They might even not make you a "do not rehire".
Sorry, I don't blame you. I would have done the same thing. Maybe next time she'll learn how to treat others. We've all been new nurses at some point in our career and it's not fair that other nurses sometimes forget that. I bet that cuss out was a jolt to her memory. You have a BSN-RN, JOBS are plentiful! You do not have to take verbal abuse from anyone. Take your license and degree somewhere else where the learning environment is much more nurturing for a new nurse. After all, your learning environment is vital to patient health and you deserve to be well precepted and the patients deserve good treatment based on the acquired knowledge you gain from a great preceptor.
Mavrick, BSN, RN
1,578 Posts
I think this job is a lost cause, cut your losses and leave before you get a really bad write up.
You could choose to stay but the recovery phase of this kind of thing is long and tedious. I don't think you have the temperament for it. You are and will be in a subordinate position for several months to a year or more. You are a replaceable commodity and have disrupted unit cohesiveness no matter how dysfunctional it may be. It's their world and you will never be a part of it.
It is an ABSOLUTE no-no to seriously cuss someone out in the nursing work world. Being male you are already a little on the outside and can be intimidating by your size or tone of voice. Your boss has already given you the no excuse rhetoric so quit making them.
Yeah, it sucks that you got a nasty jab in the ribs in your first game. It is NOT all your fault but just not worth trying to crawl your way back into their good graces. I would get the heck outta Dodge while you can properly resign and look for a better fit.