Screaming match with my preceptor

[jherd]

I'm just looking for some advice or thoughts on my situation. I am a new grad nurse in month 4 of my first job as a nurse. I am a 40 year old male. I work in an ICU. I have about 35 days before I am allowed to work alone.

I had a 26 year old female nurse that was "covering" me as my preceptor she has worked on my ICU for 3 months and has about 2 years overall experience.

SHe is pretty good at her job, not perfect but she is definitely a bright nurse and has a big ego.

Just working beside her she finds ways to make snide backhanded comments to me, like did you do this, you probably don't know what I'm talking about do ya? Or she'll see me do something and make a comment about it and laugh in my face.

Just really mean type stuff. Of course, she has developed a pretty good bond with some of the other nurses already like they go to dinner and hang out. So she's pretty well liked by the core group of about 4-5 nurses that we work with.

Anyway, she was precepting me and I was off the floor for a class for 4 hours and I had a pt that needed a stroke work up while I was in class. So Lab came up and drew about 14 tubes of blood. When I came back there were 4 labs still to be collected so I asked a preceptor about them and he said that those labs were already drawn.

Well of course they indeed needed to drawn and she started being condescending and saying that failed to do my job (which I did ) but she started berating me like I was a four year old and stood over my shoulder and shouted at me while I was charting like "don't click there, what are you doing?, do you know what you are doing? How many times have you done this, my god!"

and I blew up and called her a smartass &*^*& and told her to get away from me. She told the director on me and has since started a bunch of gossip about me. Things like I'm a moron that doesn't understand the very basics. When I came to work they were all gossiping and they got quiet when I walked by.

I'm starting to be shunned by the core group. My boss called me in and said there was no excuse for me cursing her and she was right about the labs.

Oh and since this happened I have been messing up things left and right. I feel like the end is near for me at my job. Do you guys think I can salvage things or should I start looking for work?

Thanks

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

I have found in my own experience, that talking to the boss about finding a new preceptor doesnt work.....esp at a small place....there often arent a lot of preceptors to choose from, plus it's unlikely that the manager is going to believe you over her. It all sucks but chalk it up to a learning experience. I'm sorry.

This. I'm constantly seeing the advice to "go ask your manager for a new preceptor." That won't usually work out well for the orientee because, as you note, there aren't a lot of preceptors to choose from. If they all have their own orientees and those preceptor/orientee relationships are working out, management is unlikely to break up a functional pair to accomodate a problem orientee. What is more likely is that someone who really should not be precepting will be thrown into the mix: the burned out preceptor who has been continually precepting for a decade and has begged for some time off, the nurse with a ton of bedside experience but poor teaching skills, the Type A for whom nothing anyone does will ever be up to his standards. Or the orientee will be constantly thrown from one "guest preceptor" to another. Plus the orientee is then watched to see how much of a problem they have getting along with others.

[AuDDoc]

PTSD is covered under ADA. If it is used against him then it is grounds to problems with the facility.

[AuDDoc]

And that's when I would have looked at her and said "you don't have to let me do anything. The ADA says you must."

[elkpark]

PTSD is covered under ADA. If it is used against him then it is grounds to problems with the facility.

Did I miss something? I just went back over all the OP's posts and I don't see anything about PTSD, just that he served in the military.

And while the ADA requires that employers make "reasonable" accommodations for individuals who are otherwise able to do a particular job, it's not any sort of blanket excuse for bad behavior at work.

[AuDDoc]

Did I miss something? I just went back over all the OP's posts and I don't see anything about PTSD, just that he served in the military.

And while the ADA requires that employers make "reasonable" accommodations for individuals who are otherwise able to do a particular job, it's not any sort of blanket excuse for bad behavior at work.[/quote}

He said he was receiving a pension from the military which could mean disability pension which for most involves some sort of PTSD rating. Is PTSD a blanket excuse for bad behavior? Nope never said it was, but it could explain part of the outburst of anger he had. Also the ADA would protect him from future attacks after he identified as having PTSD which someone said he should not report PTSD as it will be used against him, which is a direct violation of the ADA. Clearer now?

[elkpark]

He said he was receiving a pension from the military which could mean disability pension which for most involves some sort of PTSD rating. Is PTSD a blanket excuse for bad behavior? Nope never said it was, but it could explain part of the outburst of anger he had. Also the ADA would protect him from future attacks after he identified as having PTSD which someone said he should not report PTSD as it will be used against him, which is a direct violation of the ADA. Clearer now?

Not really. I think maybe you're thinking of another recent thread started by someone (else), asking if that person should disclose a dx of PTSD to her/his superiors. This OP hasn't said anything about having PTSD. He has mentioned having served "decades" in the military, which, to me, implies that he is retired from enough years active duty to have a military pension for that. Maybe the OP will come back and clarify.

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

Maybe didn't handle it text book but no way I let another person degrade me like that. You HAVE to defend yourself in a situation like that. I feel bad for your situation, it really sucks getting paired with someone like that. I have been lucky at my job, all my preceptors were incredibly cool.

You need to use your chain of command and sit down and tell them what is going on and how you feel about the situation.

As well as if in the future something like this occurs, calmly state "one moment please" to the patient, leave the room with the offender, and calmly and quietly state that you can not have the patient be exposed to such unprofessional behavior.

And that would be what I would state to the NM. The nurse in question was rudely "correcting" your technique IN FRONT OF THE PATIENT.

You may need some anger management techniques, but obviously the other nurse needs some lessons in professionalism.

Decades in the military would mean to me that pension is for retirement. Not PTSD. I would also venture to guess that decades in the military would tell me that the OP also was in charge of a LOT of younger people in their career. You can't turn that off too easy. Seems to me that the statement was instinctive. (Doesn't make it right, just instinct).

You asked about less stressful nursing gigs, OP. Home health. Urgent care. Hospice care. Become an instructor for EMS. Teach LPN's at a local vocational school.

And honestly, if you were in a class, came back to find that the care of your assigned patient was not complete, other nurse set you up as if it was your issue to begin with, so in doing the correct thing in drawing more labs she starts taking her oversight off on you....and yes, it was her oversight you were correcting--how is that conducive to getting the labs drawn? That is the question I would have looked her straight in the eye and asked. And you mention screaming "match"---a match takes 2 people....

[24gaDalek]

I had a similar situation with a preceptor. I didn't curse at her, but after she embarrassed me by berating me multiple times in front of our colleagues for weeks I had had enough and I made a very snarky remark to her face. After what I said left my lips, I immediately regretted it. I finished the shift and was off for a couple of days. When I came back, the first thing I did was apologize profusely to her. She said everything was cool. At the end of the shift I was bombarded by her and a Nurse Manager stating how inappropriate my behavior was and how I could not respond appropriately to "constructive criticism." I was devastated. I stuck it out and explained to the Nurse Manager, after the preceptor left, that I was reacting to weeks of belittling, etc.

Unfortunately, this woman made my life a living hell for the next few months. She spread rumors about me, turned her friends against me, and generally made me feel like the scum of the earth. Being a new nurse and dealing with the emotional fatigue and stress of just trying to find my way was hard enough, but add to that the feeling that at any minute you could be left twisting in the wind by your colleagues and it was enough to almost kill me. I put my mind to working hard and being the kind person that I normally am, but I was fighting an uphill battle. After about 6 months of constant stress I finally made a friend at work and she kind of took me under her wing. If it hadn't been for her vouching for me I probably would have quit. Things got better, but everything was tainted by that first impression. After two years, I left.

What I realize now is that any unit that would have a preceptor who treats orientees in that manner is a broken unit. Something in that unit is not right. Either there is no one appropriate who will orient, which is a problem, or there are managers that turn a blind eye to poor treatment of their employees, which is an even bigger problem. Run as fast as you can away from this place. Yeah, you screwed up cussing your preceptor out. But it never should have gotten to that point to begin with. If shoddy treatment of new employees is going unreported or unnoticed by management how can you trust them to ever have your back?

If they give you another chance prepare yourself for butt-kissing and groveling for months. Humble yourself. Stroke their egos by acknowledging their superior knowledge and experience as often as you can but as genuinely as you can. Your life is going to suck while doing this. Mine did. You may never get their respect but they may leave you alone. If you are okay with that. I wasn't.

Good luck to you.

[FlyingButterfly]

and your terrible preceptors may have concluded that you were taking far too many breaks, or taking breaks at inappropriate times. In bedside nursing, you cannot just go pump whenever you feel like it. It's not about your leaky breasts or your daughter; it's about the patient's you're being paid to look after. If something is going on with your patients now, you need to take care of it now and you can pump later.

Preceptors usually are not given a choice about whether or not they precept it. If you don't like it, too bad. If you've been continuously precepting for the past decade and want a break from it, so sad. Therefore there are a lot of preceptors out there who don't enjoy it and may not be good at it. Make up your mind to learn from them anyway.

the whole post is screaming buuuullllyyyy.

[TheGooch]

I was wondering how things are going for the OP.

[morningland]

The correct response to this scenario was to resign. If you weren't fired already for yelling at your preceptor, consider yourself lucky and take that change to get out intact by resigning. Then at your next job interview, "it just wasn't a good fit for me as a nurse"

Having said all that, your preceptor sounded like a vile bully who, in a perfect world, should be repremanded for treating you in such a belittling and cruel manner. However, if the real world of nursing some floors just attract evil people and you have to either learn to deal with them or leave for a more healthy work enviornment.