I'm just looking for some advice or thoughts on my situation. I am a new grad nurse in month 4 of my first job as a nurse. I am a 40 year old male. I work in an ICU. I have about 35 days before I am allowed to work alone.
I had a 26 year old female nurse that was "covering" me as my preceptor she has worked on my ICU for 3 months and has about 2 years overall experience.
SHe is pretty good at her job, not perfect but she is definitely a bright nurse and has a big ego.
Just working beside her she finds ways to make snide backhanded comments to me, like did you do this, you probably don't know what I'm talking about do ya? Or she'll see me do something and make a comment about it and laugh in my face.
Just really mean type stuff. Of course, she has developed a pretty good bond with some of the other nurses already like they go to dinner and hang out. So she's pretty well liked by the core group of about 4-5 nurses that we work with.
Anyway, she was precepting me and I was off the floor for a class for 4 hours and I had a pt that needed a stroke work up while I was in class. So Lab came up and drew about 14 tubes of blood. When I came back there were 4 labs still to be collected so I asked a preceptor about them and he said that those labs were already drawn.
Well of course they indeed needed to drawn and she started being condescending and saying that failed to do my job (which I did ) but she started berating me like I was a four year old and stood over my shoulder and shouted at me while I was charting like "don't click there, what are you doing?, do you know what you are doing? How many times have you done this, my god!"
and I blew up and called her a smartass &*^*& and told her to get away from me. She told the director on me and has since started a bunch of gossip about me. Things like I'm a moron that doesn't understand the very basics. When I came to work they were all gossiping and they got quiet when I walked by.
I'm starting to be shunned by the core group. My boss called me in and said there was no excuse for me cursing her and she was right about the labs.
Oh and since this happened I have been messing up things left and right. I feel like the end is near for me at my job. Do you guys think I can salvage things or should I start looking for work?
Ugh! That completely sucks! It is so hard to be the new person in such a small unit. I've been in situations like that myself. Here's the thing... All these posts about being low-man on the pole... So what?! You're still a person who is entitled to some basic courtesy. You let her get the best of you and popped off... I've done that myself.... and you're right that the cliquishness gets under your confidence and we all know that when our confidence is shaken, we tend to make more mistakes.
IMHO, (and we all have them), having been in similar situations, I think you should start by going to your supervisor and asking if you could schedule a meeting with the supervisor, your preceptor and yourself. Then sincerely apologize for your outburst and have a respectful but honest discussion about the way she had been belittling you and just explain that you shouldn't have kept it in and let it build up to the point where you blew up. It is very important that you make "I" statements and not accuse. Even if she was in the wrong (and it sounds to me like she was), you're not in a position where accusations will be tolerated by your boss. Follow up with a statement to the effect of explaining how stressed you've been and you enjoy working in icu and that you'd like to collaborate and find a solution. Be sure to truly listen to what both parties have to say. Give it some time after the meeting and if things still don't change, you may want to consider moving on but I would leave that as an absolute last resort. Keep your head down and focus on your work. Be professionally friendly with coworkers and be willing to help but don't get too chummy too quick. It could be seen as butt kissing and will most likely be used against you... I.e. Someone will gain your trust and get you to open up about the situation then twist your words and backstab you.
Id like to add that I think it's crap that YOU were held responsible for labs that didn't get drawn when you weren't on the floor and weren't caring for that patient. Who was covering for you? Ultimately it's on them.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
Actually this is a great response. But it doesn't sound like where he works is the type of unit you were on. Something is wrong that a new nurse isn't really nurtured properly...bullying runs so rampant unfortunately....sometimes you just can't stay...
Please use the quote function so we know with whom you are agreeing.
That said, I can only offer that while the preceptor was out of line, the true bully seems to be the orientee who was screaming and cursing at her.
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
This nurse made a point of saying he is male and 40. He should have known better, being ostensibly more "mature'. He messed up bigtime. You don't take a coworker in a private location and cuss them out. That's not how it's done. He messed up. Bigtime. She can say ANYTHING about what went on in there and he has no one to back up what is true or not. She can say he threatened her, she felt unsafe. He has nothing to prove otherwise.
He should have known better at 40 how to resolve conflict.
The onus is on him to figure this out.
This does not excuse her rude treatment of him. He should have gone to management about his problems, not involved her in a self-described "screaming match".
HE is the new guy here and everyone else is likely to back HER, not him.
He is in no position to defend what he did. It was stupid.
He won't likely be able to come back from it.
Therefore, starting fresh somewhere else likely will be in his best interests.
In all my years of nursing and military service, as mad as people made me---- angry as hell, enough to spit tacks, I NEVER EVER engaged in a "screaming" match with ANY of them. I considered it unprofessional. Also if he will yell at a colleague like this, will he be able to control himself around patients? Who can say?
We must have professional boundaries. He better learn them or his career as a nurse will be over before it begins.
If the OP hasn't already, I would suggest he go to the HR department and file a report about the incident. He is going to need it if he does end up getting fired. It sounds like he was placed in a hostile work situation with his preceptor and it came to a head in a most unfortunate manner.
I doubt he will be outright fired, but will most likely have to go through a disciplinary process. The other nurses on his floor can make it miserable for him. Document, document, document EVERYTHING. Every snide comment, every slight, every time they refuse to help. Ask for another, more experienced preceptor. If need be, ask for a transfer to another department. Life is too short to be miserable at work.
BTW...no matter what your age, we have ALL dreamed of snapping back at that one miserable, witchy co-worker. Don't try to deny it.
Specializes in OR, Nursing Professional Development.
If the OP hasn't already, I would suggest he go to the HR department and file a report about the incident. He is going to need it if he does end up getting fired. It sounds like he was placed in a hostile work situation with his preceptor and it came to a head in a most unfortunate manner.
I wouldn't be surprised if the nurse he screamed and cursed at hasn't already presented her side of the story. Two wrongs don't make a right. Part of being professional is knowing when to step away and let emotions cool off before addressing a conflict.
BTW...no matter what your age, we have ALL dreamed of snapping back at that one miserable, witchy co-worker. Don't try to deny it.
Huge difference between dreaming about it and actually doing it. Dreaming about it won't result in negative consequences. Doing it certainly can result in repercussions.
Specializes in Psychiatric nursing; Medical-Surgrical.
I'm just looking for some advice or thoughts on my situation. I am a new grad nurse in month 4 of my first job as a nurse. I am a 40 year old male. I work in an ICU. I have about 35 days before I am allowed to work alone.
I had a 26 year old female nurse that was "covering" me as my preceptor she has worked on my ICU for 3 months and has about 2 years overall experience.
SHe is pretty good at her job, not perfect but she is definitely a bright nurse and has a big ego.
Just working beside her she finds ways to make snide backhanded comments to me, like did you do this, you probably don't know what I'm talking about do ya? Or she'll see me do something and make a comment about it and laugh in my face.
Just really mean type stuff. Of course, she has developed a pretty good bond with some of the other nurses already like they go to dinner and hang out. So she's pretty well liked by the core group of about 4-5 nurses that we work with.
Anyway, she was precepting me and I was off the floor for a class for 4 hours and I had a pt that needed a stroke work up while I was in class. So Lab came up and drew about 14 tubes of blood. When I came back there were 4 labs still to be collected so I asked a preceptor about them and he said that those labs were already drawn.
Well of course they indeed needed to drawn and she started being condescending and saying that failed to do my job (which I did ) but she started berating me like I was a four year old and stood over my shoulder and shouted at me while I was charting like "don't click there, what are you doing?, do you know what you are doing? How many times have you done this, my Marriage is hard: we're prideful
Have you ever seen the sappy Ryan O'Neal/Ali MacGraw movie romance entitled "Love Story"? MacGraw played a character who was dying, and at her bedside O'Neal, choking and tearful, said he was sorry. MacGraw then unloaded a line that has done a lot of damage to relationships and marriages everywhere: Love means never having to say you're sorry.â€
Apologizing is hard work. Apologizing and changing your behaviors is even harder, and what makes it so hard is pride. Dating and marriage always to some degree involve each person's struggling for control. When your behaviors are driven by pride, you want to win every argument, always be right, see difficulties as your partner's fault, bring up your partner's admitted failures of the past, and explain away or deny your own sins and weaknesses.
and I blew up and called her a smartass &*^*& and told her to get away from me. She told the director on me and has since started a bunch of gossip about me. Things like I'm a moron that doesn't understand the very basics. When I came to work they were all gossiping and they got quiet when I walked by.
Thanks
Oh boy you know sometimes silence is best answer. I would have gone to the director and voiced my concerns instead. Sigh I feel for you[emoji53]
I started nursing on a floor that had 2 nurses who made everyone's shift awful. We could not keep nurses on that shift, and it took a long time before management became aware of the problem. It was a HUGE relief when they both took other positions. They behaved pretty much the same as you described your preceptor. It put everybody under pressure, and made work so unpleasant.
Unforunately once you blew up and swore at your preceptor then you became the one in the wrong, and in a big way. I would really try to find another job if I were you. It is sad to me that a person like your preceptor is popular at work. If the long-term employees would call her on her behavior then it would most likely stop.
I know there are already a lot of responses, but if the OP is still reading this, all of my friends that work in OR's say they love the sense of camaraderie in their workplaces (granted this is only the opinion of a few people I am sure there are OR's out there that are different). You mentioned case management, the ones I work with / have worked with are always really stressed out.
As for your screaming match.. Its not something I would have done but I can understand. Hopefully your manager gives you time to rebound from it, and it sounds like the person you had the altercation with isn't too affected by it either. A lot of people seem shocked by hearing your story but I think it depends on what kind of unit you work on because shouting between staff happens pretty regularly where I work (I have never participated but I have had to listen to it plenty). The unit I work on is very short staffed and a lot of the more senior staff (and by senior I mean more than 1 year on the unit) know they can get away with A LOT.
It seems like you have already learned your lesson, but keep a level head and good luck if you stick it out there.
Two wrongs most certainly do not make a right; the professional way to rectify this in my opinion, is to ask for a meeting with your manager and the nurse you had an issue with. You do owe her an apology for cussing at her and your unprofessional behavior; there will be a lot of other stressful issues that come up for you to deal with in your career especially in the ICU so you do need to grow a thicker skin. With that being said, I don't agree with her 'teaching' methods. Honesty goes a long way; you could simply say in your meeting that we obviously got off on the wrong foot and while we may not mesh personality wise, we do have to work together and be professional then ask to be assigned to another preceptor so that you can put this situation to rest and move on to being the successful nurse you know you can be.
Boy, I feel for you, but you just committed "social suicide" at your new job and I dont see it working out. I'd get a year in, IF you think they wont keep you from getting a fair reference, and then get out. If you think you are going to get pushed out sooner, then start looking now. You're going to have to come up with something nice to say for future employers because you cant say "I couldnt get along with my coworkers" even if your coworkers are horrendous. That's another topic. It's not going to be a fun year, but you need experience if it's your first job so you may just have to suck it up.
Have you heard of the book "Ending Nurse to Nurse Hostility: Why Nurses Eat Their Young"? I read it years ago. Small but powerful book. This story reminds of things from the book. I read the book after having "survived" a couple of really awful ongoing bullying episodes.....which each ultimately resulted in me leaving jobs. The "episodes" were years ago, but the kind of thing that was life-altering. There's never a valid reason to say and do certain things to people, but it made me a better preceptor and person having gone through those things. I think I could've "survived" those episodes now that I'm middle-aged and have more life experience, but they totally blind-sided me in my 20s.
Before you take a new job, pls think at length about how "losing it" & screaming at your preceptor harmed you. Was she a good/appropriate preceptor? Not from what you said. Does she probably have too much ego despite not having that much experience? I think so....but....you didnt recognize how some coworkers can be, nor the "pecking order." I am a woman. I have worked with men, have several brothers and no sisters, and I think working with mostly women can be harder. Some women (and men) dont learn how to be assertive and can instead be quite passive-aggressive, especially ones without a healthy home life, and especially in times of stress. We all know nursing is a very stressful job. Sometimes it brings out the worst in people.
When you start a new job you have to, 99% of the time, be VERY careful and put up with a lot....esp. if you work at a small place where "core acceptance" is key and you rely on each other more. This isnt PC, but I've learned this the hard way. Watch. Observe. Figure out who has the power, who has respect, they may not be the same people. You have to learn to bite your tongue most of the time, especially in the beginning, and at the same time cover your own a$$ by asking the right questions, covering your bases patient-wise, and being open to learning. Later - months/years later - after you've gained their respect (IF that's possible with this group) then you can say more. However, I dont think staying in work environments like this is always worth it anyway. I'm not saying "be a door mat" ....not at all.....I'm saying you have to learn how to stick up for yourself very carefully, esp. as a newbie.
I have found in my own experience, that talking to the boss about finding a new preceptor doesnt work.....esp at a small place....there often arent a lot of preceptors to choose from, plus it's unlikely that the manager is going to believe you over her. It all sucks but chalk it up to a learning experience. I'm sorry.
I noticed this thread because I am currently in the same position in a new job. Have only a bit of orientation left, which is good, because I'm biting my tongue so hard it's bleeding. Wow, what a difference the right preceptor makes! Despite what was planned, I have had constant new preceptors - at least 7 so far in just a few weeks. People call in or switch their schedules, or staffing needs change, so I'm put with whoever at the last minute. That seems to be the culture here. I'm more experienced than some preceptors...but still dont know how to use their machines, do their protocols, etc so I do need to learn, a lot. It's very humbling. The hardest part? Getting micromanaged about little things that dont matter from some preceptors who I find are just too type A for their own good - so I MUST do it their way - or insecure because they lack experience and were "thrown into" precepting me, unfortunately. Or micromanaged from people who have only worked there so dont realize there really is more than one way to do something. I'm not talking about big things, I'm talking about stuff like "you must change the diaper like this, not like this. Your pen needs to go in the drawer here, not here." etc Find myself saying a lot, "how do you want me to do ____ here?" and then shutting up and not c/o. Luckily, I like all of the coworkers I've met so far - even the micromanagers I can see past - and can tell that I will really like it here. ICU nurses tend to have certain personalities. A couple of my preceptors have been absolute gems and fantastic nurses. There are a few on the opposite shift who I can tell immediately are the "queen bees" and I know from experience, that I need to stay away from and be extra careful around. Good luck!
Document, document, document EVERYTHING. Every snide comment, every slight, every time they refuse to help. Ask for another, more experienced preceptor. If need be, ask for a transfer to another department. Life is too short to be miserable at work.
BTW...no matter what your age, we have ALL dreamed of snapping back at that one miserable, witchy co-worker. Don't try to deny it.
Of course we've all dreamed of doing it. Most of us know better than to actually do it, however.
Document everything? "Snide comments" and "slights," people not being helpful enough?? Are you seriously suggesting that the OP go to his boss or HR and c/o not liking his coworkers' tone of voice, and expect them to do something about it? Do what, exactly? Tell them to be nicer to him? This isn't kindergarten. What would that possibly accomplish, other than painting a larger target on his back than he's already got?
If I were you, I would probably start looking elsewhere but there's a couple of things to do while you search: first, talk to the preceptor and apologize (in my opinion she should apologize to you, but you can be the one to take the high road), then talk to the manager/supervisor and explain that you have apologized but really lay out what's been going on. At least this way you can know that you did the right thing even if it doesn't do anything to resolve the issue.
Asking for another preceptor works in some places, but I don't think that will help in this instance.
That girl should not have been placed as a preceptor after only 3 months of being there even if she had 15years of ICU experience, she shouldn't be precepting at a new position...that doesn't seem like a great place to work, I would be afraid to have a family member be in that ICU...poor management choices, nurses that sabotage each other to the detriment of patients!! That's scary and incredibly unethical.
Go somewhere else, but speak up sooner if you have problems with the preceptor. Don't allow yourself to get to that point again.
RNikkiF
145 Posts
Ugh! That completely sucks! It is so hard to be the new person in such a small unit. I've been in situations like that myself. Here's the thing... All these posts about being low-man on the pole... So what?! You're still a person who is entitled to some basic courtesy. You let her get the best of you and popped off... I've done that myself.... and you're right that the cliquishness gets under your confidence and we all know that when our confidence is shaken, we tend to make more mistakes.
IMHO, (and we all have them), having been in similar situations, I think you should start by going to your supervisor and asking if you could schedule a meeting with the supervisor, your preceptor and yourself. Then sincerely apologize for your outburst and have a respectful but honest discussion about the way she had been belittling you and just explain that you shouldn't have kept it in and let it build up to the point where you blew up. It is very important that you make "I" statements and not accuse. Even if she was in the wrong (and it sounds to me like she was), you're not in a position where accusations will be tolerated by your boss. Follow up with a statement to the effect of explaining how stressed you've been and you enjoy working in icu and that you'd like to collaborate and find a solution. Be sure to truly listen to what both parties have to say. Give it some time after the meeting and if things still don't change, you may want to consider moving on but I would leave that as an absolute last resort. Keep your head down and focus on your work. Be professionally friendly with coworkers and be willing to help but don't get too chummy too quick. It could be seen as butt kissing and will most likely be used against you... I.e. Someone will gain your trust and get you to open up about the situation then twist your words and backstab you.
Id like to add that I think it's crap that YOU were held responsible for labs that didn't get drawn when you weren't on the floor and weren't caring for that patient. Who was covering for you? Ultimately it's on them.