I'm just looking for some advice or thoughts on my situation. I am a new grad nurse in month 4 of my first job as a nurse. I am a 40 year old male. I work in an ICU. I have about 35 days before I am allowed to work alone.
I had a 26 year old female nurse that was "covering" me as my preceptor she has worked on my ICU for 3 months and has about 2 years overall experience.
SHe is pretty good at her job, not perfect but she is definitely a bright nurse and has a big ego.
Just working beside her she finds ways to make snide backhanded comments to me, like did you do this, you probably don't know what I'm talking about do ya? Or she'll see me do something and make a comment about it and laugh in my face.
Just really mean type stuff. Of course, she has developed a pretty good bond with some of the other nurses already like they go to dinner and hang out. So she's pretty well liked by the core group of about 4-5 nurses that we work with.
Anyway, she was precepting me and I was off the floor for a class for 4 hours and I had a pt that needed a stroke work up while I was in class. So Lab came up and drew about 14 tubes of blood. When I came back there were 4 labs still to be collected so I asked a preceptor about them and he said that those labs were already drawn.
Well of course they indeed needed to drawn and she started being condescending and saying that failed to do my job (which I did ) but she started berating me like I was a four year old and stood over my shoulder and shouted at me while I was charting like "don't click there, what are you doing?, do you know what you are doing? How many times have you done this, my god!"
and I blew up and called her a smartass &*^*& and told her to get away from me. She told the director on me and has since started a bunch of gossip about me. Things like I'm a moron that doesn't understand the very basics. When I came to work they were all gossiping and they got quiet when I walked by.
I'm starting to be shunned by the core group. My boss called me in and said there was no excuse for me cursing her and she was right about the labs.
Oh and since this happened I have been messing up things left and right. I feel like the end is near for me at my job. Do you guys think I can salvage things or should I start looking for work?
Specializes in Medical Surgical/Addiction/Mental Health.
Are you kidding me? I would not salvage anything with a person who acted like that. It amazes me the type of childish behaviors that occur between nurses. If you are not part of the in†crowd, you will more than likely have some negative experiences. I would start looking for another job. I flat out told one manager that she was creating a hostile work environment and that I wanted to consult with HR. Should have seen how she changed how she treated me. I still looked for a new job and luckily started a new position after completing my two-week notice.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
I've had terrible preceptors as well. The saying "nurses eat their young" is so true, I don't understand why they agree to precept if they don't want to do it. Cocky nurses make the worst preceptors, I had one preceptor tell me "I will not let you go pump!", my daughter was 3 months old and I was nursing. Nursing is a cruel environment. I second guess my career choice all the time.
And your terrible preceptors may have concluded that you were taking far too many breaks, or taking breaks at inappropriate times. In bedside nursing, you cannot just go pump whenever you feel like it. It's not about your leaky breasts or your daughter; it's about the patient's you're being paid to look after. If something is going on with your patients NOW, you need to take care of it NOW and you can pump later.
Preceptors usually are not given a choice about whether or not they precept it. If you don't like it, too bad. If you've been continuously precepting for the past decade and want a break from it, so sad. Therefore there are a lot of preceptors out there who don't enjoy it and may not be good at it. Make up your mind to learn from them anyway.
I totally disagree with the other comments suggesting to run or quit. That is the wrong message to send that nurse bullying is tolerated. I felt that same way , I had a coworker who was jealous due to my hiring on staff and him being agency for a few years without an offer. He made my orientation on the unit unbearable and made rude comments to push me out the unit. I reported it to the unit manager who intervened and had a meeting , since then I do my job and this person does theirs without any interference. Do not give up your position for anyone , you worked hard to get there and no one can push you out but you. Have a meeting with the unit and discuss the situation and apologize for cursing, acknowledge her strengths and just thank her for trying to help you. At the end she probably wasn't thrilled about precepting ontop
of having her own patients to deal with. Discuss a possible transfer to another unit if the situation can't be fixed, but don't leave your position until you get some experience under your belt .
You know I feel really bad for you actually. I became an RN at a late age and my first preceptor was such a bully and nasty person that I considered leaving nursing before I even got started. I did quit after two months and continued my orientation at another hospital. There I had the best preceptor ever and a great learning experience. It sounds like where you are now does not foster a mutually respectful learning environment. I can understand how frustrated you were, but next time (hopefully there won't be a next time) keep your anger inside and walk away and speak up when you have time to think. But honestly I might have done the same thing. It's not easy being a male nurse amongst all the female nurses, some of which are a tough bunch. Good luck to you...I think you should move on to somewhere where they are happy to teach new nurses. It's for everyone's benefit!
Actually this is a great response. But it doesn't sound like where he works is the type of unit you were on. Something is wrong that a new nurse isn't really nurtured properly...bullying runs so rampant unfortunately....sometimes you just can't stay...
First of all, I want to start by saying that your "preceptor" doesn't seem to know how to precept. I can see how you could lose your cool. BUT that does not make it right. You may very well have gotten yourself into a losing situation. I am a nurse manager, so I speak from lots of experience. It may very well be time to look for another job. HOWEVER, I would start by sitting down with your supervisor or even the supervisor over her. I would discuss how your "training" has gone so far and ask for guidance. You may also want to sit down with your "preceptor" and ask her why she dislikes you so much. If I had been your manager I would have put you with someone who matched your personality; not some young kid.
You may be able to salvage your job at the hospital by asking for assistance with this situation. Acknowledge that you could have handled it better, but also be clear what has lead you to this place.
I like so much your comment of how you would have taken the time to match up as best you could preceptor and new nurse. A good preceptor is what a new nurse needs so badly....I know how it is. Unfortunately not everyone is lucky to have a mgr like you.
Go. Go as fast as you can. Get a new job as fast as you can in a completely different system. One where you might have some intelligent life surrounding you. Nurses eat their young--you are on the menu, my friend. (And no matter what the rest of you say, you know it is true.) You allowed yourself to be pushed to the point of losing it at one of your co-workers. You will not survive in this type of toxic environment. Oh, and as an aside...you were set up. If you were in a class, then your oh-so-superior preceptor was tasked to cover & take care of any assignment you might have missed. She could have coached you after the fact. Take a note from Taylor Swift...Shake it off & move on. Best wishes to you.
You kinda sealed your fate by letting this get to the point you blew up. You should have asked for a different preceptor before you blew up, or found some other way to manage the bad friction between you two. This is in no way a defense of her behavior, she sounds really unprofessional herself.
I can relate. I had a similar preceptor as a new grad, brilliant medical mind, zero social skills, worst 'teacher' on earth. I thought about asking for a new preceptor, but realized if I could just bite my tongue she had a lot to teach me if I looked in the right places. (They usually were not the things she thought I needed to learn lol). All in all I think it made me a better nurse, even if it did take the "core group" a few weeks to realize I wasn't the idiot she painted me out to be. 2 years later, I get along with everyone fantastically, and I even still ask my annoying preceptors advice on things.
I think you, like me, probably hate having someone younger with less life experience than you treating you like an idiot. Kicks ya in the pride. I get it. But you will have to get over it, because age being what it is, you're still a new grad. And chances are the 20something has a lot to teach you.
Hi - yes the posts above are correct , there is never an acceptable reason for blowing up like that . The reasoning being that if you can get out of control that much with a colleague , how can you be trusted not to do so with patients . however we are all human - what I would suggest is, ask for a HR facilitated meeting with your preceptor and line manager. Apologise , say you've never done anything like that before and never would again. Recognise your action has impacted on the bigger group you work with and apologise to them to. Explain that you felt unfairly criticised by your preceptor and say why. Ask for the opportunity to repair your relationship with her and try and think if times she has been supportive to you ( if you can't think of any then make one up!) explain how important your job in ITU is to you , and how you want to continue to gain the skills to care for patients in that environment. IF you do that then you may get away with it ! It's not good to be seen as running away or to be sacked from your first job ( and recruiters are very good at reading between the lines if CV,s ) on a personal level you need to reflect on just why this happened - as an older male do you find ur difficult being directed by younger females etc - in order for it not to happen again. This kind if event can wreck a career so needs to be dealt with. I'm writing from the UK so things may be different in the U.S. - Good luck !
As a previous Nurse Manager.. yes you do need to look for other work so that you can get the best nursing experience you possibly can... The backlash to this will not stop but at the same time dont allow your paranoia to get the best of you... although it may be true that some unspoken words are being said... the good news is you have not formally lost your position as of yet and there is some room for redemption... but it entails becoming the best nurse you can be... I stated that because you didnt encounter that trip to HR which means the director is still willing to give you a chance but the rest you will have to earn... as you stated you are in fact making mistakes.... clean up those mistakes and move forward.. that choice is certainly yours to make... I've never encountered your particular experience because during my stance some 20 years ago in my location nurses really embraced their own... although I can say if I had experienced this... It would be over like yesterdays news... my heart goes out to all the new nurses because you havent experienced the true profession of nursing that I once encountered... which is why I gave up management and went back to the ICU although I do charge... thats about as much management as I can tolerate at this juncture of my life... yes I have thick skin but the cut throat attitude even from a management perspective... I have very little tolerance for.... I wish you the best...
ParkerBC,MSN,RN, PhD, RN
886 Posts
Are you kidding me? I would not salvage anything with a person who acted like that. It amazes me the type of childish behaviors that occur between nurses. If you are not part of the in†crowd, you will more than likely have some negative experiences. I would start looking for another job. I flat out told one manager that she was creating a hostile work environment and that I wanted to consult with HR. Should have seen how she changed how she treated me. I still looked for a new job and luckily started a new position after completing my two-week notice.
Good luck.