Sad situation: need an ear or advice

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last week I found my friend/roommate dead in our apartment. It seems like he committed suicide. Either that or it was an accidental overdose. The police found a bottle of valium and a small vial of coke in his room. His family, friends and myself are devastated. We also found a journal he wrote in....and goodbye notes to family and friends inside without a date on them. I had no idea he was in such pain....and I lived with him!! I feel like there should of been a way for me to help him. I'm unable to stay at my apartment right now because I'm afraid of reliving the trauma of discovering his body. I don't think I have ever experienced this level of pain/grief before in my life and have no idea how to comfort his family/friends that are coming to town in a few days.

Please pray for him, his family and his friends. And if you are considering suicide, please get help!!

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. If anybody has ideas how to deal with this and move on, please let me know.

J. :crying2:

canoehead, BSN, RN

6,856 Posts

Specializes in ER.

I'm sorry this happened to you. If he had come to you, you could have helped. Unfortunately none of us can read minds, and he didn't want help. This is not your fault.

Liddle Noodnik

1 Article; 3,789 Posts

Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..

Please pray for him, his family and his friends. And if you are considering suicide, please get help!!

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. If anybody has ideas how to deal with this and move on, please let me know.

J. :crying2:

Jennifer God bless you! I can't imagine how hard this has to be for you! Wow. Well I would take some time to be with friends and/or family, before you jump right back into work. This IS big!

I am a chronically depressed person who did have a suicide attempt a long time ago. Let me tell you that where your roommate was at, he CHOSE to hide his symptoms from you. There is NO WAY you could have known or prevented it! I remember making darn sure no one could find out and stop me. Fortunately God stepped in and I wasn't successful.

If you need an ear PLEASE write me, I will be happy to help if I can! Take care!

UM Review RN, ASN, RN

7 Articles; 5,163 Posts

Specializes in Utilization Management.

Jennifer, I'm so sorry for you all. Please accept my sincere condolences.

Gompers, BSN, RN

2,691 Posts

Specializes in NICU.

If you haven't already, you should make an appointment to talk to a counselor about this. It's hard enough having someone in your life commit suicide...but to be the one who found them, and the one who lived with's totally normal to feel absolutely terrified and numb. You really need to talk to a professional grief counselor. You can find all kinds of counseling services in the phone book, or else you could try calling your own doctor and asking for a referral. You sound like you're suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome, and who the heck wouldn't be? I'm so sorry about your friend, and I hope you find someone you're able to talk to about this. We can help, but we're just people on a message board. It's different when you say this stuff out loud rather than type it. Good luck, and take care.

renerian, BSN, RN

5,693 Posts

Specializes in MS Home Health.

Jennifer in Cali,

I am very sorry this happened to you and feel worse for your friend and the family. My nephew committed suicide by driving down to a beautiful spot by the River by where we used to live. He put a hose from his car tailpike into his car. He took his dog with him. The dog lived, he died. I have not been down to that spot by the river ever since.

While we knew he had social problems we had no clue it was that bad. We all missed it...


renerian :crying2:


4,177 Posts

i can only imagine how much pain this has caused heart felt sympathy go to you and to his family

Home Health Columnist / Guide


11 Articles; 18,056 Posts

Specializes in Vents, Telemetry, Home Care, Home infusion.

Please read the many links I've previously posted about suicide.

May they provide some info to get you through the days ahead.

Please vent all you need here. Reaching out will help you through this difficult situation. A personal counselor will help too.

Specializes in PeriOp, ICU, PICU, NICU.

Jennifer, I am so sorry to hear that. I know anything I say cannot take the pain you are feeling at this moment. Bless his heart and pray for his soul. Give yourself time to grieve and only then you will be able to move on.

Tragically, people who commit suicide don't realize that they are going to hurt so many loved ones.

That is all I can say to you Jen. Take good care of yourself and pray.


I believe that guilt is common whenever a close one commits suicide. You may need to seek the advice of a professional. If nothing else good comes from this, you did learn how much a life (YOUR life) affects the lives of others. Consider volunteering somewhere in honor of your friend's life, not in memory of his death. I hope you are able to work through this.

I have no words for this except I am so sorry! Please get the help you may need. My prayers are with you, the deceased, and his family. :icon_hug:

Tweety, BSN, RN

33,512 Posts

Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.

My condolences. His choices are not your fault.

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