Recently a co worker committed sucide. In the note that she left she stated that she was tired of being told how stupid nurses are and how a "monkey" could do a nurses job. This nurse Was one of the best, unfotunatley the political side of nursing got the best of her. None of us saw it coming.
She was one of the few that stood up for the patient, she would stand nose to toes with a DR when she thought he was wrong. There is always someone that
will find a persons weak spot and hammer away until they distroy the person's self estem. Unfortunately these people delight in destroying another person by lying and setting them up to take the fall for their own incompetence. This is what happened to my friend. The hurt for some of us is so deep that we are ready to quit. A few already have, I am seriously thinking about it. We have been to grief counceling as a group and separtely. I beg anyone that is having problems please get help, find another job, just do something, Nursing is not worth losing your life over. Think of your family and friends.
And to the corporations that do nothing to stop these people that lie, cheat and manupliate others, you are just as guilty as the others. You may as well shot her yourself.
The "suicide demons" are usually thick this time of year. I know that this year I have been fighting them to the best of my ability. I work in vet. med. so I get to see euthanasia in action. Animal comes in sick, in pain and suffering. After a simple IV injection, the animal's pain and suffering is gone. I even see relief in the pet owner's eyes because the pain is finally gone. I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like your co-worker and friend was an awesome person. I can tell that you miss her.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Please accept my sincere condolences.
For those of you who are considering suicide, please call a hotline and talk to someone. There is help available. If it means you have to quit your job or stop doing nursing for awhile to save your sanity, by all means do so.
There was a time in my life that I had to go work at Burger King for awhile, and believe me, the comparably "no-responsibility" BK job made it a very healing environment for me. I was at the point that I really was OK with working two low-paying jobs to support myself, and it really helped me take a much-needed break from healthcare and get my ducks in a row emotionally.
I learned that nothing--believe me, NOTHING--is worth the price of your sanity.
that's all it's about. you are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. it doesn't even mean that you really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. if i start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if i add enough weights... no matter how much you want to remain standing. willpower has nothing to do with it. of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could.
don't accept it if someone tells you, "that's not enough to be suicidal about." there are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. what might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. the point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain.
when pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. it is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.
you can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. both are possible....
there are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. they will simply care for you. find one of them. now. use your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone what's going on with you. it is okay to ask for help. try:
teenagers, call covenant house nineline, 1-800-999-9999
look in the front of your phone book for a crisis line
call a psychotherapist
carefully choose a friend or a minister or rabbi, someone who is likely to listen
but don't give yourself the additional burden of trying to deal with this alone. just talking about how you got to where you are, releases an awful lot of the pressure, and it might be just the additional coping resource you need to regain your balance.
how serious is our condition? ..."he only took 15 pills, he wasn't really serious..." if others are making you feel like you're just trying to get attention... read this.
why is it so hard for us to recover from being suicidal?...while most suicidal people recover and go on, others struggle with suicidal thoughts and feelings for months or even years. suicide and post-traumatic stress disorder (ptsd).
recovery from grief and loss...has anyone significant in your life recently died? you would be in good company... many suicidal people have recently suffered a loss.
the stigma of suicidethat prevents suicidal people from recovering: we are not only fighting our own pain, but the pain that others inflict on us... and that we ourselves add to. stigma is a huge complicating factor in suicidal feelings.
resources about depression...if you are suicidal, you are most likely experiencing some form of depression. this is good news, because depression can be treated, helping you feel better.
do you know someone who is suicidal... or would you like to be able to help, if the situation arises? learn what to do, so that you can make the situation better, not worse.
the samaritans are a charity, founded in 1953, which exists to provide confidential emotional support to any person, who is suicidal or despairing; and to increase public awareness of issues around suicide and depression.
trained volunteers provide this service 24 hours every day. it is free. you are guaranteed absolute confidentiality and that you will not be judged.
samaritan volunteers are not professional counselors or psychotherapists. they are caring volunteers who have been trained in the art of listening and empathy.
you can talk to a trained samaritan volunteer by e-mail. this is a free service
the samaritans maintain a website listing centers and telephone helplines around the world. as of this writing, 50 countries were listed, and the website is available in 15 languages.
Depression has a cumulative effect, and as nurses, we tend to not stop and smell the roses enough, its much easier to take care of others. Hope you are doing something great for the holidays and its good that your hospital has a support network after such a trauma. We should all have support networks
M.D.'s and nurses because often we are working in shortstaffed enviroments with lots of human tragedy. Thats why its so important to nuture ourselves too.
Hugs to all of you who have suffered and continue to suffer. I understand the pain myself. Your stories and helpful advice were especially timely today. I just sort of let things go this morning and have spent the day just being a human being instead of trying to be my "idealized self"
-- walking my dogs down in the forest and watching them smile as we play on the way. Petting my cat and looking into its eyes. Sharing my cookie with my cockatiel and cleaning the birdcage. Good medicine today.
So Very Very Very Sad....i Agree About Finding Another Job Until You Find One Where You Feel Like ITS A GOOD Fit. There Is Alot Of Nurses Against Nurses Out There, Thats Why The Job Will Never Get Much Better. With All Of The Other Stresses To Deal With, Its No Wonder Depression Is Common Amoung Nurses. May She Rest In Peace:)
i can see nursing and the way things are contributing greatly to a nurse's suicide. if this woman was the kind of person whose entire identity, self worth, and view of the world was irrevokably intertwined with being a nurse, i can see how it happened.
i have experienced deep depressions related to nursing.
i know exactly what you mean. a few years back, i was in therapy, for a combination of things. i felt, primarily it was because of my career. i must add that my brother (who was a nyc cop) commited suicide. i guess this weighed heavily on my feelings to seek therapy (i didin't want to end up next to him). i had also just been through a divorce. my therapist emphasized that i needed to find something else in which to define myself. my life revolved around my career. i felt like i was a failure because my nursing career was not where i wanted it to be. i soon became a wife (again), and a mother. it put things in perspective. my brother did not wear any other hats. he was only a cop.
believe me, i have had some awful times at work (as recent as last week, i was feeling as terrible as the op's co-worker). i can relate to our fallen sister's emotions. but life is more important than that. i think this thread has inspired me to move on, and out of the toxic environment that i am in. i kow the grass is not always greener (as my profile location states), but it is 'dead' where i am.
the bottom line is, we never really know what drives people to make these decisions. i quote my mother, ten years ago (regarding my brother) "his job really made him that unhappy?"
it is a very sad story, but an important thing to remember is nursing did not cause her to commit suicide. shee probably was battling depression. the fact that her job took so much of her life and could cause her such distress shows that there must have been underlying problems. i think our job can cause us distress, but most of us don't allow nursing to rule our lives-- we know that it is only part of our life.
we can't be too sure, now can we? i guess we'd like to believe that any reasonable person can handle the extraordinary circumstances we face as nurses, but it may not be so. i've had an absolutely terrible series of days at work. my only saving grace is that i work per-diem, and i can lay low for a while (without pay, of course). if i was on this particular unit on a full time basis, i would not be able to handle it. and i'm not a new grad. many on my floor are, and i don't know how they are handling it (many are not, and are leaving). but if you show express that you can't handle it, you are the weak one. as long as one other person can do their job without complaining, then there's something wrong with you (not the job, the system or the profession). and god forbid you show stress, anxiety, or a tear, you get the pat on the back, and are told to 'take a deep breath'.
Thank you Karen for posting links to all those great resources. :)
I agree that too often we put outselves on autopilot, play the caretaker role and take care of everybody BUT 'us'...and this indeed can become cumulative.
...catching up with us when we least expect it. I am there as we speak.
Everybody here please take care...you are ALL very special to 'someone'. :)
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Fuzzy
370 Posts
The "suicide demons" are usually thick this time of year. I know that this year I have been fighting them to the best of my ability. I work in vet. med. so I get to see euthanasia in action. Animal comes in sick, in pain and suffering. After a simple IV injection, the animal's pain and suffering is gone. I even see relief in the pet owner's eyes because the pain is finally gone. I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like your co-worker and friend was an awesome person. I can tell that you miss her.
Fuzzy