last week I found my friend/roommate dead in our apartment. It seems like he committed suicide. Either that or it was an accidental overdose. The police found a bottle of valium and a small vial of coke in his room. His family, friends and myself are devastated. We also found a journal he wrote in....and goodbye notes to family and friends inside without a date on them. I had no idea he was in such pain....and I lived with him!! I feel like there should of been a way for me to help him. I'm unable to stay at my apartment right now because I'm afraid of reliving the trauma of discovering his body. I don't think I have ever experienced this level of pain/grief before in my life and have no idea how to comfort his family/friends that are coming to town in a few days.
Please pray for him, his family and his friends. And if you are considering suicide, please get help!!
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. If anybody has ideas how to deal with this and move on, please let me know.
last week I found my friend/roommate dead in our apartment. It seems like he committed suicide. Either that or it was an accidental overdose. The police found a bottle of valium and a small vial of coke in his room. His family, friends and myself are devastated. We also found a journal he wrote in....and goodbye notes to family and friends inside without a date on them. I had no idea he was in such pain....and I lived with him!! I feel like there should of been a way for me to help him. I'm unable to stay at my apartment right now because I'm afraid of reliving the trauma of discovering his body. I don't think I have ever experienced this level of pain/grief before in my life and have no idea how to comfort his family/friends that are coming to town in a few days.
Please pray for him, his family and his friends. And if you are considering suicide, please get help!!
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. If anybody has ideas how to deal with this and move on, please let me know.
J.
I am so sorry about your friend ((((((HUGS)))))....please don't blame yourself! I really don't know what to tell you about coping, im afraid only time will heal your wounds . Again Im soooo sorry for your loss:(
i'm sorry for your lost. i know how it feels because my godmother commited sucide while i was nursing school and she was a RN. You just don't alway know what there thinking. but it going to take a while just don't keep all that inside. well,dealing with the family will be tough just try to be comforting let them cry with u. it won't bring there son back but it will help just to let out that greiving moment. good luck to you and your roommate's family.
i will pray for u and everone in his family. god bless
My daughter went through similar circumstances a couple of years ago. One close friend overdosed. Withing a very short time, another (also a male roommate) jumped off a high-rise bridge. My sweet, caring daughter was, of course, flattened by their choices and by her inability to recognize their pain or do anything to change their course.
One of the hardest things she had to deal with was the anger she felt at both of them for destroying their futures and devastating all those who loved them. At first, she repressed these "negative" feelings. She felt disloyal and sacrilegious for even thinking bad of her close friends. But the strength of her emotions finally forced her to admit she was sooooo pissed at both of them for robbing her and everyone else who care about them of their lives. She would have been furious with anyone who harmed either of them. The fact they they did it themselves didn't lessen that fury.
Once she expressed the anger, she was able to grieve in a "softer" manner and just truly miss the heck out of both of them.
She was eventually able to give up feeling responsible (I should have seen the signals, I could have saved him) when she realized that she was ascribing a lot more power to herself than she really had. We all do this at times. It's a feeble attempt to stave off the knowledge of just how powerless we actually are in many situations. It's easier to feel guilty than to feel helpless. Unfortunately, people who are really serious about ending their lives are often determined and devious. Severe pain of any sort clouds a person's ability to reason objectively and, by its very nature, makes him uncharacteristically self-absorbed. People who were saved from suicide are often stunned at their lack of consideration for the ones they were about to leave behind. Empathy was not in operation at the time they made their attempts.
All that is to say there are stages of grieving and healing and they are not necessarily linear. You might go back and forth many times before you can truly move on. And you will never forget.
I'd recommend getting counseling. And thinking of a special way to memorialize your friend. And maybe writing him a letter or several, communicating your feelings as they come up. Forgive him, when you are able (and don't rush this) for taking himself away from you. And forgive yourself for being a finite human being who couldn't rescue him.
A similar thing happened to my brother a couple of years ago in San Luis Obispo. His roommate was a recovering heroin addict. My brother had gone to my parents house for the weekend, and when he came back, his roomate's car was there, but the door to his room was locked. My brother figured he crashed at someone else's place from partying the night before. The next day, the kid's mom called and asked my brother if he had seen her son. My brother got the lanlord & the picked the lock to the kid's room--he was there....they found him dead. He had probably been there a couple days. The autopsy said that he had heroin & other drugs in his system. My brother actually continued living there for about 8 months or so. I don't know how he did it! I would've moved immediately!! He had a really hard time w/ it though. The kid was 19. We told my brother to see a psychologist but he wouldn't. Maybe that would help you. It's an awful thing for the family & for the person who finds them! Good luck!
Thanks all for your advice and guidance. It will be very tough this weekend when his parents come to town to collect his belongings and the memorial will be on sunday.
I am feeling a bit better. I'm still confused why this happened to such a great guy.
Once again, thank you all for your support. It means a lot!
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
last week I found my friend/roommate dead in our apartment. It seems like he committed suicide. Either that or it was an accidental overdose. The police found a bottle of valium and a small vial of coke in his room. His family, friends and myself are devastated. We also found a journal he wrote in....and goodbye notes to family and friends inside without a date on them. I had no idea he was in such pain....and I lived with him!! I feel like there should of been a way for me to help him. I'm unable to stay at my apartment right now because I'm afraid of reliving the trauma of discovering his body. I don't think I have ever experienced this level of pain/grief before in my life and have no idea how to comfort his family/friends that are coming to town in a few days.
Please pray for him, his family and his friends. And if you are considering suicide, please get help!!
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. If anybody has ideas how to deal with this and move on, please let me know.
J.
OMG this is horrible. Please, do not underestimate the impact of this unfortunate and shocking incident on you. AND there IS NO FAST-TRACK to "putting it behind you"---- know and understand this now as sure as the sun rises in the East---it will take a toll on you now and in the near future....... It's HUGE.
If you find yourself unable to concentrate, eat, or sleep or you are becoming despondent or depressed, you need to get counseling ASAP. Really, It would definately not hurt to talk to a professional, anyway, right now. There is a lot in just one "debriefing" session, that can be accomplished to help you arm yourself to deal with the feelings sure to bombard you in the days and weeks to come. Please do care for yourself, too!
The others? Well, the only way to comfort others is to be sincere yourself. None us knows exactly what to say at a time like this. Speak from the heart and say how sorry you are. But understand, you need TLC, too!!!!!
I am so, so sorry for all of this. Please, let us know if there is anything more we can do. My condolences to you and this young man's loved ones/family. What a tragic and shocking loss to you all.
GrnHonu99, RN
1,459 Posts
I am so sorry about your friend ((((((HUGS)))))....please don't blame yourself! I really don't know what to tell you about coping, im afraid only time will heal your wounds
. Again Im soooo sorry for your loss:(