Orlando Tragedy - "Why Does It Bother You So Much?"

[jaycam]

This past weekend is still something that has struck fear into the core of my community, even though I live on the other side of the country. I'm not going to debate about how it could have been prevented, because hindsight is always 20/20. I'm not going to debate it because there are as many different ideas on how to prevent it as there are people who know about it. What I want to do is expose myself, and explain why something that happened so far away from me could affect me on such a personal level.

No matter what you call it, LGBT(Q,+,A), QUILTBAG, or my personal favorite Alphabet Soup Gang... there is a community out there for those of us who don't quite fit the norm. My favorite comes from the fact that we are all a bit alike, all a little different, and we're all floating in this big huge bowl we call Earth. Also the letters change all the time depending on who you talk to and if I am going to offend someone for using the wrong ones, at least I'm going down in style.

I get a little flack at times from the community, at times, for not getting it, because "you pass... no one knows unless you choose to tell them." See, I'm not what most people think of when they think of the LGBTQ. Mostly because I don't get all twiterpatted when I see someone posed in what someone would consider sexual nature. My response tends more towards "Oh... look at that... "and insert interesting bit of biology about their tattoo, a mole, or the muscle structure. I'm someone who dates for romance and companionship instead of physical attraction. I was married when I was younger. I'm Christian. I can easily come off as heterosexual with no time or too conservative to join the local dating scene. Personally I don't care about someone's gender. I date people for being interesting and kind hearted with similar interests. In the community I'm often referred to as panromantic. I don't usually bother with a label though.

At the same time, I've also been on the receiving end of attacks from people mad at me for not being interested in them. Be it because how dare I not be attracted, or because they think I just haven't met the right person yet, or just because I find comfort being around the others with the same experiences. Many of my first experiences out into the world involved going to the local "gay bar" to sing karaoke with all the other people who just didn't feel like they fit society's expectations for them. Going to a friend's place to support them because someone had threatened them.

Our culture, as a community comes from the places and experiences we have been through. We've had the awkward conversations with medical professionals when they ask if we are sexually active and the follow up is about birth control or pregnancy, and we end up outing ourselves to strangers who are not always understanding. We've been bullied for similar reasons. Been told we don't really exist. That we're going through a phase. Sometimes by the medical community itself. We trade names of providers who are "safe" like most people trade the titles of their favorite books.

It bothers me because... those people who were hurt and died... I have a common thread to them. I cried when I found out what happened. Those people were someone's child, parent, cousin, friend... They remind me of my own monkey sphere of people I know. Even if it hadn't been people I know... I've seen the threats towards LGBTQ and Muslim students at my school. I go to an awesome school in a progressive area. We are great and inclusive and that things like that still happen... is scary. It bothers me that media wants to focus on who did it and how, rather than the bright and brilliant people who are lost to the community.

It's something that should bother everyone. It should bother us all. Today it was the LGBTQ community. It's happening in black communities. It happens in our schools. Even if we have no personal connection to what has happened, it should at the very least bother us, because who is to know what the next target of choice will be. If we can't find a way to be bothered that people died because someone's personally held belief was so strong they felt it was alright to kill someone... even if we disagree with the person's lifestyle, they didn't deserve this. No one does, and that bothers me.

[heron, ASN, RN]

People are not more or less horrified because of the victim's sexual orientation. That's ludicrous. It's horrifying on MANY levels.

When a black church was gunned down, the African American community in Charleston was shattered, rightfully so. When children were slaughtered in their classroom, parents in this country wept not because the children were Americans, but because they, too, have/had children. When a community, ANY community, is specifically targeted it affects the other members of that community and their families even more.

And PLEASE do not tell people how or what to grieve. This has rocked the LGBT community like nothing ever has and simply because you don't understand why does not give you permission to belittle it.

Equal=/=same (thank the goddess)

No one gets to dictate how or why I grieve. No one gets to demand that I ignore the fact that this country has a long, shameful history of violence against my people precisely because of who we are and that this crime springs, in part, directly out of that tradition. No one gets to demand that I justify why it matters to me in the way that it does. I know it's a difficult reality for straights to face, but there it is.

Some posters here are horrified at yet another mass shooting committed by a nut with way too easy access to a gun.

Some are horrified at how easily jihadist terrorism can be committed so close to home and cause such searing loss, all in the name of hatred for our country and religious fanaticism.

Some people I've talked to are horrified at just how insane life in this country has become.

All rational responses to an irrational act.

So ... how come they aren't required to justify their reactions?

Meanwhile, I'll say it again: arguing about "ownership" and trying to invalidate the viewpoints that aren't exactly the same as mine is stupid, ignorant and almost as destructive as the original crime.

[HotChicken]

Meanwhile, I'll say it again: arguing about "ownership" and trying to invalidate the viewpoints that aren't exactly the same as mine is stupid, ignorant and almost as destructive as the original crime.

I absolutely agree with this (and everything else you said).

My my response was directed toward the several "this isn't about the gays" comments.

[kbrn2002, ADN, RN]

A tragic, senseless act like this should bother us a lot. While it should bother all of us a lot I wouldn't dare presume to tell members of the LGBT community not to grieve a senseless loss of life that was clearly directed toward their community.

Nor would I presume to tell the straight person that is dismayed by this tragic event regardless of the group that was targeted not to grieve. Just because that straight person is not part of the culture doesn't make their grief any less valid.

Every person that was killed or injured that day, and every person that miraculously escaped without injury but will still be affected by this the rest of their lives is somebody's child. Somebody's family member or friend. Somebody that shouldn't ever have had to face what happened in that club.

I wanted to stay away from the political hot button that is gun control but I find I just can't. Why a weapon capable of killing so many in such a short amount of time is allowed in the hands of any citizen that can pass a simple background check [if one is even required] is beyond me.

[vintagemother, BSN, CNA, LVN, RN]

It bothers me because people were killed. Period. People were killed in a horrible, scary way. It's so sad. I can't bring myself to read the details online. I know I'll cry. But I need to read about it because it's important to know about things like this that will be a part of history.

To me, it's as horrible as 9-11, as horrible as Columbine, as horrible as the church massacre, etc.

It's just awful that people were killed.

As far as this incident, it's absolutely horrible they were killed because of their "affiliation" with a particular lifestyle.

To me, it's as horrible as the church attendees killed because they were black, and the 9-11 people killed because they simply worked in a building that was the image of America.

John 8:4 is what I read tonight to my child. [emoji29]

[heron, ASN, RN]

I absolutely agree with this (and everything else you said).

My my response was directed toward the several "this isn't about the gays" comments.

I know - I was agreeing with you

I guess too many words disguised that - sorry.

[vintagemother, BSN, CNA, LVN, RN]

This is some awful ****! I read some news articles about it just now. It's awful.

I will talk to my kids about it (ages 11 and 21) once again. I've taken to them some about this, but as a parent I think they need to hear the lesson again and again.

I believe/hope that the only way we can hope to change this world is by teaching the next generation. It may not be enough, but that's what I feel is my obligation.

[macarthurparker]

It was an attack on this country. I weep for those in Orlando as I did for 9/11 and for Boston, among other attacks on our country.

I dont go around saying but that was a heterosexual theater or building!! I bet there were heterosexual people in that club that night as I know sometimes I would go out with my homosexual friends to party back in the day when I did party. This is the problem, we are focusing more on the people's sexual orientation instead of what happened. People died. People were horrifically injured. Let's grieve that loss.

People cant have it both ways. Either we are equal, or we are not. I weep that people who were so young and had their lives tragically taken or forever changed that night, should not have. I weep for the potential that is gone now. These people should be remembered for losing their lives way too early. Not who on earth they slept with. Because, I don't care who they chose to sleep with. I care that they were human beings who had potential to make a great difference in this world. And hate killed that.

I'm a student nurse lurker who felt compelled to post about this. I appreciate your sentiment, but your refusal to acknowledge that this was, in fact, an attack on the gay community and that the gunman did, in fact, target these people in this place because he knew most of his victims would be gay makes you part of the problem.

It's tacit homophobia like this - the refusal to acknowledge LGBT people and their spaces as their own - that snowballs and grows to create a culture where we're seen as "less than," or where our unique and continued struggles are ignored because "we're all humans." It's no different than saying "I don't see race - we're all American citizens" when the unfortunate fact of the matter is that white and black Americans have incredibly unequal experiences today.

I appreicate your viewing this as a "human tragedy"...but maybe take a step outside your perspective and be willing to view this as an attack on a community that's not yours, and that you don't understand (I'm willing to bet on this considering you claim you "would go out to party with my homosexual friends back in the day" - there's nothing we love more than being objectified).

Try to understand what it feels like to have one of the very few safe spaces you have - maybe the only space in your entire community where you feel completely free to "be you" - be completely violated.

Empathize with us. Grieve with us. Acknowledge us.

[LVN fresno]

The mass killing in Orlando was a great loss. The LBGT community has lost so many to hate. I have been told that gun control will never happen because the NRA is to rich and powerful and that gun control is not the answer. Mental illness is the cause and doing more to help treat it will do more good. I do not know what the answer is to stop all these killings and do not believe any one else does. I can only pray that hate will be replaced by love.

[Psalm 23]

The fact is that there is evil in this world. I believe there is more good than evil but I do believe especially in America, mental health is a serious problem in our country that the govt need to take seriously. According to the Orlando Sentinel, the shooter has been on the radar with the FBI before.

Its a tragedy that this happened but it does make you think. It could be any one of us. We dont know when we will leave this earth but reading God's word/ his promises will help us heal and move forward.

There was a rainbow during the vigil in downtown Orlando. The rainbow is God's promise that he will never leave you or forsake you

[LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN]

It bothers me that people had no choice in avoiding gun violence and the ones that survive have their sense of security ripped away.

We can look at this several ways; the fact remains is there is an inherent problem that continues to not be addressed; how paranoia and fear control people's actions and prompt violence and death; how someone so wrong (and mentally distressed) thought that a way out was to MURDER others and endure suicide by homicide because they were distressed; and the resulting action had promoted the same arguments and not logical, thought out plans to prevent this from happening again.

[wowohwow]

Offlabel - this isn't an attack only on Americans. The killer targeted these folks not because they're Americans but because they are gay (LGBT). The Boston Marathon attack was an attack on Americans because the population targeted was random. To not recognize that there was a hateful intent toward LGBT is to ignore the fact that LGBT has been living with this kind of violence for decades. Aside from physical violence, psychological violence committed by Americans is alive and well. We're constantly being told that we're less than, and in many places in the US LGBT Americans still cannot express love in public without being called names or face threats of physical violence.

Nobody is trying to own this tragedy or divide the country. To you, this tragedy is an attack on Americans; to us (LGBT), it is more than that. It is an attack on our community that sadly we know all too well.

Well said. Things don't change over night-there is still a lot of hatred and downright intolerance towards the LGBT community. And yes, it WAS a targeted attack against that community.

Not everyone grieves with you. There are some people who actually rejoice in things like this, it happens in some parts of the Muslim community when there is a terror attack in Israel. I'm sure those same people were cheering when this happened just as on 9/11 or the San Bernardino attacks. Likewise I am sure that cheering happens in the neo nazi and white supremacists groups.

Hate is never going to go away.

[Ilargia99, LVN, RN]

I'm a student nurse lurker who felt compelled to post about this. I appreciate your sentiment, but your refusal to acknowledge that this was, in fact, an attack on the gay community and that the gunman did, in fact, target these people in this place because he knew most of his victims would be gay makes you part of the problem.

It's tacit homophobia like this - the refusal to acknowledge LGBT people and their spaces as their own - that snowballs and grows to create a culture where we're seen as "less than," or where our unique and continued struggles are ignored because "we're all humans." It's no different than saying "I don't see race - we're all American citizens" when the unfortunate fact of the matter is that white and black Americans have incredibly unequal experiences today.

I appreicate your viewing this as a "human tragedy"...but maybe take a step outside your perspective and be willing to view this as an attack on a community that's not yours, and that you don't understand (I'm willing to bet on this considering you claim you "would go out to party with my homosexual friends back in the day" - there's nothing we love more than being objectified).

Try to understand what it feels like to have one of the very few safe spaces you have - maybe the only space in your entire community where you feel completely free to "be you" - be completely violated.

Empathize with us. Grieve with us. Acknowledge us.

THIS.

I'm a student as well but felt compelled to respond seeing as I'm part of the "B" category.

It was most definitely an attack on the LGBT community based on intense bigotry and hatred. Yes, they were Americans, but they were also LGBT, which was the reason they were targeted.

Also, being LGBT is about far more than "who we sleep with" - it's about who we love and connect to, who we share our lives with, who we form a culture and community with, who we relate to, and a sense of unity based on sharing similar experiences and hardships.

I can't speak for all LGBT people, but being bisexual is a huge part of my identity (my gay brother would also agree) and not at all just about who I sleep with.