Orlando Tragedy - "Why Does It Bother You So Much?"

Because a nurse I am friends with asked me why it mattered so much to me... I thought I would share this with all of you as well. LGBTQ culture is one of shared experiences. In the same way that nursing culture exists, so does LGBTQ. In the wake of the tragedy in Orlando, I find myself needing an outlet to express the fear and sadness that comes with it. My hope is in doing so, I can help those who do not know or understand the culture, get a small glimpse into it from my perspective. Nurses Announcements Archive Article

Orlando Tragedy - "Why Does It Bother You So Much?"

This past weekend is still something that has struck fear into the core of my community, even though I live on the other side of the country. I'm not going to debate about how it could have been prevented, because hindsight is always 20/20. I'm not going to debate it because there are as many different ideas on how to prevent it as there are people who know about it. What I want to do is expose myself, and explain why something that happened so far away from me could affect me on such a personal level.

No matter what you call it, LGBT(Q,+,A), QUILTBAG, or my personal favorite Alphabet Soup Gang... there is a community out there for those of us who don't quite fit the norm. My favorite comes from the fact that we are all a bit alike, all a little different, and we're all floating in this big huge bowl we call Earth. Also the letters change all the time depending on who you talk to and if I am going to offend someone for using the wrong ones, at least I'm going down in style.

I get a little flack at times from the community, at times, for not getting it, because "you pass... no one knows unless you choose to tell them." See, I'm not what most people think of when they think of the LGBTQ. Mostly because I don't get all twiterpatted when I see someone posed in what someone would consider sexual nature. My response tends more towards "Oh... look at that... "and insert interesting bit of biology about their tattoo, a mole, or the muscle structure. I'm someone who dates for romance and companionship instead of physical attraction. I was married when I was younger. I'm Christian. I can easily come off as heterosexual with no time or too conservative to join the local dating scene. Personally I don't care about someone's gender. I date people for being interesting and kind hearted with similar interests. In the community I'm often referred to as panromantic. I don't usually bother with a label though.

At the same time, I've also been on the receiving end of attacks from people mad at me for not being interested in them. Be it because how dare I not be attracted, or because they think I just haven't met the right person yet, or just because I find comfort being around the others with the same experiences. Many of my first experiences out into the world involved going to the local "gay bar" to sing karaoke with all the other people who just didn't feel like they fit society's expectations for them. Going to a friend's place to support them because someone had threatened them.

Our culture, as a community comes from the places and experiences we have been through. We've had the awkward conversations with medical professionals when they ask if we are sexually active and the follow up is about birth control or pregnancy, and we end up outing ourselves to strangers who are not always understanding. We've been bullied for similar reasons. Been told we don't really exist. That we're going through a phase. Sometimes by the medical community itself. We trade names of providers who are "safe" like most people trade the titles of their favorite books.

It bothers me because... those people who were hurt and died... I have a common thread to them. I cried when I found out what happened. Those people were someone's child, parent, cousin, friend... They remind me of my own monkey sphere of people I know. Even if it hadn't been people I know... I've seen the threats towards LGBTQ and Muslim students at my school. I go to an awesome school in a progressive area. We are great and inclusive and that things like that still happen... is scary. It bothers me that media wants to focus on who did it and how, rather than the bright and brilliant people who are lost to the community.

It's something that should bother everyone. It should bother us all. Today it was the LGBTQ community. It's happening in black communities. It happens in our schools. Even if we have no personal connection to what has happened, it should at the very least bother us, because who is to know what the next target of choice will be. If we can't find a way to be bothered that people died because someone's personally held belief was so strong they felt it was alright to kill someone... even if we disagree with the person's lifestyle, they didn't deserve this. No one does, and that bothers me.

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jaycam

About jaycam, RN

RN, Psychiatric Nurse. I learn best through stories and examples. I also may have a love affair with data.

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This was a terrorist attack against the United States of America. Americans. That's what bothers me about this event. The particular target was an LGTB club. If it were a Cuban themed club or an African American Church or a Catholic church or a Chinese restaurant, the attack would have been the same: against Americans. There is danger here in one group taking possession of it as their own, and I think that's what is happening.

Those not in the LGBT community died as well. They certainly sympathized with that community, but that wasn't everyone's identity. What truly ties everyone together that died, their moms and dads, their families, the community is that they, we, are all Americans.

These people don't need a reason to kill us. Whatever particular circumstance in which we die is coincidental. Yes, he specifically chose that club because of its culture. Just like Fort Hood, and just like San Bernadino and New York and on and on and on. What counts is our American-ness.

Divvying up and laying claim to murderous assaults like this by different groups is dismissive of the true threat that exists and in a way invalidates the loss of those who just happened to be killed along with the rest that didn't belong to the "targeted group". And that's not right.

This shouldn't be a LGBT thing. Its an American thing.

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Specializes in Psych/Mental Health.

Offlabel - this isn't an attack only on Americans. The killer targeted these folks not because they're Americans but because they are gay (LGBT). The Boston Marathon attack was an attack on Americans because the population targeted was random. To not recognize that there was a hateful intent toward LGBT is to ignore the fact that LGBT has been living with this kind of violence for decades. Aside from physical violence, psychological violence committed by Americans is alive and well. We're constantly being told that we're less than, and in many places in the US LGBT Americans still cannot express love in public without being called names or face threats of physical violence.

Nobody is trying to own this tragedy or divide the country. To you, this tragedy is an attack on Americans; to us (LGBT), it is more than that. It is an attack on our community that sadly we know all too well.

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Specializes in Geriatrics, Home Health.

It bothers me because mass shootings have become almost routine. I shouldn't have to worry about being shot at a club, the movies, the playground, work, watching a marathon, or anywhere else.

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What bothers me is people solely blaming an object and not the person using the object.

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

Orlando hits close to home for me because I am the mother of a gay son, who has certainly faced his share of discrimination and hate just for being who he is. Events like this only serve to underscore the reality that we have a LONG way to go in accepting all people as part of the human race. The fact that it had elements of terrorism doesn't negate the fact that it was a deliberate attack on LGBTQ individuals, in my opinion.

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All responses, except VerticalHorizion, make valid points. I have very close relatives who are gay. However...I don't know, I live on the west coast....it just didn't resonate with me as much?

On the other hand, my husband used to work at the San Bernardino Regional Center. We felt very affected when we heard the news of that shooting. He had left over 30 years ago, and the office had moved to that new location after he had left. But still, the physical/emotional closeness of it made that shooting affect me more than the Pulse shooting.

It was another horrible American tragedy. I can't understand why any civilian needs a semi automatic rifle that fires 24 shots in 9 seconds?????????????????????

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This was a terrorist attack against the United States of America. Americans. That's what bothers me about this event. The particular target was an LGTB club. If it were a Cuban themed club or an African American Church or a Catholic church or a Chinese restaurant, the attack would have been the same: against Americans. There is danger here in one group taking possession of it as their own, and I think that's what is happening.

Those not in the LGBT community died as well. They certainly sympathized with that community, but that wasn't everyone's identity. What truly ties everyone together that died, their moms and dads, their families, the community is that they, we, are all Americans.

These people don't need a reason to kill us. Whatever particular circumstance in which we die is coincidental. Yes, he specifically chose that club because of its culture. Just like Fort Hood, and just like San Bernadino and New York and on and on and on. What counts is our American-ness.

Divvying up and laying claim to murderous assaults like this by different groups is dismissive of the true threat that exists and in a way invalidates the loss of those who just happened to be killed along with the rest that didn't belong to the "targeted group". And that's not right.

This shouldn't be a LGBT thing. Its an American thing.

But. It WAS a LGBT thing. He chose that club based on the sexual orientation of the people inside it. There are also reports of him visiting an area of Disney where they were having Gay Days. This was a targeted attack on the LGBT community and to say otherwise simplifies a very complex tragedy.

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Regarding the T word - I disagree with calling every crime committed by a non-Christian "terrorism." I think it should apply to all mass hate crimes (and most mass shootings in the U.S. are committed by white dudes) or none. "Muslim" should not be the criterion. I believe that people who hate will find any excuse to justify that hate. Whether he was closeted or not, his claims of loyalty to ISIL, in my opinion, were inconsequential. His murder spree wasn't financed or supported by his religion.

I haven't quite yet figured out how I feel about it. Mostly I feel sickened and angry because people were slaughtered because of who they are. I've gained a new level of social awareness in the past two years, so while the scale of this attack is record-breaking, it just follows the pattern of senseless murders that's been happening already. Nine churchgoers were slaughtered and one wounded a year ago in Charleston because of their race. Two years ago a guy at UC Santa Barbara murdered six people and injured 14 because women rejected him. It happens over and over and the shooters usually invent a reason to hate some particular group of people (often women or minorities) the most.

Regarding community, I've never really felt a part of it. If I'm not dating another woman, I pass, and my current status is "Single, not looking." Most people assume others are straight by default. I'm a very private person anyway, so while I'm comfortably out in some social circles, in others it doesn't come up and I wouldn't talk about it if it did. I don't feel like proving that I deserve to be part of the community. I also don't feel like being grilled by ignorant people (community or no) about the legitimacy of my preferences. I have a good friend who is gay who quit dating women who didn't identify as lesbian because she said there was always some other sort of problem (not REALLY bi, not wanting monogomy, not knowing what they wanted...). I'm not sure it really registered with her that she was dissing bi chicks to a bi chick.

So I identify with the victims as people, but not MY people, if that makes sense.

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Specializes in Acute Care, Rehab, Palliative.

The horror has nothing to do with the fact that it was an attack toward any certain community. The horror is because it was innocent human beings being slaughtered. It doesn't matter what their sexual orientation was. They were human beings.

My disgust lies with the US allowing these firearms to be sold to any schmo off the street.

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People are not more or less horrified because of the victim's sexual orientation. That's ludicrous. It's horrifying on MANY levels.

When a black church was gunned down, the African American community in Charleston was shattered, rightfully so. When children were slaughtered in their classroom, parents in this country wept not because the children were Americans, but because they, too, have/had children. When a community, ANY community, is specifically targeted it affects the other members of that community and their families even more.

And PLEASE do not tell people how or what to grieve. This has rocked the LGBT community like nothing ever has and simply because you don't understand why does not give you permission to belittle it.

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Specializes in ICU.
People are not more or less horrified because of the victim's sexual orientation. That's ludicrous. It's horrifying on MANY levels.

When a black church was gunned down, the African American community in Charleston was shattered, rightfully so. When children were slaughtered in their classroom, parents in this country wept not because the children were Americans, but because they, too, have/had children. When a community, ANY community, is specifically targeted it affects the other members of that community and their families even more.

And PLEASE do not tell people how or what to grieve. This has rocked the LGBT community like nothing ever has and simply because you don't understand why does not give you permission to belittle it.

I'm sorry, who is belittling anything? It was a horrible, disgraceful tragedy. I grieve for the loss of these people!!! They were people, who had an entire identity beyond who they chose to sleep with. Who wants to be remembered for who they slept with? Not me.

I know I want to be remembered for what I contributed. I think most people want to be remembered for the same.

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