Old nurse won't retire

Nurses General Nursing

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I have a work friend, we'll call her Barbara, at my side job. She's over 70 and works part time in the ER of a tiny hospital. Since I've worked there she's given several deadlines of when she's going to retire, the latest of which was this October. She made a beaded necklace with the amount of beads of days left, taking one bead off at a time, sharing with everyone, even the DNS, who took her off on the Oct schedule.

I talked to her yesterday and she let me know that she's changed her mind again. She says that with the cold days approaching, this isn't the right season to retire, she'll just be sitting in her house. She said that she only has to give 3 weeks notice, and hasn't done that yet, and was upset that she was off the October schedule.

Barbara is a very likable woman, but frankly, she needs to retire. She is not very fit, and limps with a bad leg. She calls in frequently, which has a bigger impact on a small hospital. She never had kids and her husband died years ago. She doesn't seem to have hobbies.

I'm afraid that management will start writing her up for her attendance to get rid of her. Even though I love her, she doesn't pull her weight anymore. I don't want to sign up for shifts with her and have to do 3/4 of the work. It'd be a shame to see her be forced out.

One time she told me to let her know when she is starting to slip. Well, that's been going on for a while, but people are being patient since she's been sharing with all about her impending retirement. She needs to retire with dignity as planned .

It's mainly that in the situation being discussed it wouldn't be uncommon for moving slowly to be accompanied by decreased multitasking. In this setting, taking 20 minutes for IV/labs instead of 5 minutes means all sorts of other things aren't happening during those additional 15 minutes. It's extra time not getting another patient's labs and EKG, not sending another patient for x-ray, not answering phones and call lights and watching monitors and discharging your patients waiting for discharge. Slow people of any age hobble the ED because the rooms have to be turned over and there are people waiting to go into them as soon as that happens. Not only that but there are plenty of patients whose conditions need to be investigated and/or treated in a time-sensitive manner. There's no making lists and pondering what to do first and planning out the next 4 hours of one's time. One can't just sequester oneself for 20+++ minutes for every patient interaction or it's game over.

I forgot they were in the ED. That certainly makes a difference.

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

Also Ruby Vee makes a good point. I see a lot of older nurses who are more energetic than a lot of their younger counterparts. I see a lot of young people who complain of body aches at 22. The older ones just power through.

Now this is not a generalization. I know a lot of phenomenal younger nurses who are powerhouses. And older ones who blame aging for not doing their share, deliberately.

But the majority of over 50 nurses I know are very nimble, quick and hard-working and do their work without complaint......

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
You're absolutely right. Good thing I didn't say that.

But you insinuated it.

And you don't know the "vast majority" cases that lead to old age being lonely.

It's a generalization and an assumption, no more.

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First, I thought this nurse had a husband who passed a few months ago. And for goodness sakes, maybe she was infertile or lost a baby. Nobody knows this woman's background except possibly Emergent. I think she was trying to get some insight on how to be gently truthful with this nurse.

It breaks my heart. I don't know what I'd do if I lost my husband. I have 3 boys, but I'd i didn't, my work would be my family.

I truly like the volunteer idea. I think this nurse could meet a lot of women in her similar situation and maybe form some friendships.

Human contact is a basic need. Some of you need to review Maslow's Heirarchy again and also gain some compassion for a fellow nurse!!

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Specializes in hospice, LTC, public health, occupational health.
Being a nurse isn't what we do, it's who we are.

Maybe this is where part of the disconnect is happening, why we're not getting each other. Because my job in no way defines me. It is not "who I am." It is what I do while I'm on the clock. I'm good at my job and take pride in being so. I like taking care of people when I actually get the chance to do that. Supervisors and patients alike give me positive feedback.

But who I am is who I am at home with my loved ones, with friends. I work in order to support my family and have been lucky enough to find something that I'm good at and pays decently.

If your job defines your identity, I personally think that's a problem.

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I have a work friend, we'll call her Barbara, at my side job. She's over 70 and works part time in the ER of a tiny hospital. Since I've worked there she's given several deadlines of when she's going to retire, the latest of which was this October. She made a beaded necklace with the amount of beads of days left, taking one bead off at a time, sharing with everyone, even the DNS, who took her off on the Oct schedule.

I talked to her yesterday and she let me know that she's changed her mind again. She says that with the cold days approaching, this isn't the right season to retire, she'll just be sitting in her house. She said that she only has to give 3 weeks notice, and hasn't done that yet, and was upset that she was off the October schedule.

Barbara is a very likable woman, but frankly, she needs to retire. She is not very fit, and limps with a bad leg. She calls in frequently, which has a bigger impact on a small hospital. She never had kids and her husband died years ago. She doesn't seem to have hobbies.

I'm afraid that management will start writing her up for her attendance to get rid of her. Even though I love her, she doesn't pull her weight anymore. I don't want to sign up for shifts with her and have to do 3/4 of the work. It'd be a shame to see her be forced out.

One time she told me to let her know when she is starting to slip. Well, that's been going on for a while, but people are being patient since she's been sharing with all about her impending retirement. She needs to retire with dignity as planned .

Emergent! I've been waiting for you to come back and tell us that "Barbara" is someone you knew 20 years ago and is now buried on top of a grassy hill somewhere.

How much longer are you going to keep me waiting? We are already on page seven... :whistling:

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Well put Aunt Slappy. Being a nurse is what I do not who I am and I'm grateful as heck for that. Those nurses that let this profession define them often seem miserable to me. My "life" is not my work. Work allows me to fund my life and that's all. This attitude doesn't mean I'm not serious about my job. I've had a very successful career in the ER for a long time and am excited to start a new chapter as an NP.

ERs are not the place for "slow". Much of what we do is time sensitive and patient outcomes are dependent on doing the job quickly and correctly. The ER is not an adult daycare center for elder nurses who have nothing to do with their life because they let nursing define them as a person. If this nurse can't keep pace she is doing a dis-service to her colleagues and (more importantly) her patients. She should be given the opportunity to retire with dignity but if she refuses she should be terminated.

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Specializes in ER.

I texted a hello to Barbara, she ignored. Didn't want to just call her. She and I have socialized a bit out of work. But sometimes she gives me the cold shoulder and won't respond. I suspect she's avoiding me now as she grapples with this. I did want to have a heart to heart.

What about an email?

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Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
a rapidly aging single woman with no children

Watch it, Wuzzie. This isn't a dating website.

A bunch of single old dudes are going to be beating down your door.

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Watch it, Wuzzie. This isn't a dating website.

A bunch of single old dudes are going to be beating down your door.

OMG, you owe me a new keyboard Davey!:lol2::lol2:

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I texted a hello to Barbara, she ignored. Didn't want to just call her. She and I have socialized a bit out of work. But sometimes she gives me the cold shoulder and won't respond. I suspect she's avoiding me now as she grapples with this. I did want to have a heart to heart.

What about an email?

Personally, I would just let it go at this point. If you have reached out and been ignored, and as sometimes you say she gives you the cold shoulder, then I'm not going to be the person to bring up such a delicate matter. If she brings it up to you, certainly say what's on your heart, but I feel like she's giving you very mixed signals here.

If she is not on the October schedule, that's certainly a sign I would say from TPTB. As you say, a sad situation. This whole thread has made me sad.

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Tell her you are concerned about her. You want her to get some enjoyment out of her retirement. You would hate to see her get hurt on the job or driving to work in the winter. Does she have any former coworker/friends who are retired who she could get connect with? Could she volunteer to help with health screenings or something which is social, but not as demanding as the ED? Lots of people who were former nurses and other workers in the hospital volunteer at the reception desk or helping patients check in for routine testing or procedures. It's a lower stakes chance to see everyone they want to stay in touch with while winding down fro the working world. What about a mission trip? it doesn't have to be international, it could be helping with a disadvantaged area or Habitat for Humanity?

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