Old nurse won't retire

[Emergent]

I have a work friend, we'll call her Barbara, at my side job. She's over 70 and works part time in the ER of a tiny hospital. Since I've worked there she's given several deadlines of when she's going to retire, the latest of which was this October. She made a beaded necklace with the amount of beads of days left, taking one bead off at a time, sharing with everyone, even the DNS, who took her off on the Oct schedule.

I talked to her yesterday and she let me know that she's changed her mind again. She says that with the cold days approaching, this isn't the right season to retire, she'll just be sitting in her house. She said that she only has to give 3 weeks notice, and hasn't done that yet, and was upset that she was off the October schedule.

Barbara is a very likable woman, but frankly, she needs to retire. She is not very fit, and limps with a bad leg. She calls in frequently, which has a bigger impact on a small hospital. She never had kids and her husband died years ago. She doesn't seem to have hobbies.

I'm afraid that management will start writing her up for her attendance to get rid of her. Even though I love her, she doesn't pull her weight anymore. I don't want to sign up for shifts with her and have to do 3/4 of the work. It'd be a shame to see her be forced out.

One time she told me to let her know when she is starting to slip. Well, that's been going on for a while, but people are being patient since she's been sharing with all about her impending retirement. She needs to retire with dignity as planned .

[Julius Seizure]

...I'm just over here still offended by the comments about the younger nurses throwing themselves at doctors and staring at their phones instead of working.

Same. Negative generalizations stink...in general.

[canoehead, BSN, RN]

delete

[canoehead, BSN, RN]

As to the issue of her not having a spouse or kids, and being alone as she ages, the vast majority of the time that's a choice. I have sympathy for people who are alone because they suffered tragedies along the way. However I have none for people who chose to remain alone throughout life and now have the consequences of that choice staring them in the face.

That's a bit of a judgemental statement unless you know the circumstances that led to their choices. In any case, you aren't responsible for anyone else's social life, so you can cut yourself a bit of slack on that point.

[pebbles, BSN, RN]

I'm middle of the road.

It sucks to carry the load and watch for the acute issues with both the old ones that have stopped paying attention and the young ones that haven't learned to pay attention. Talking too much about the young ones with their phones smacks of "what-aboutism". An effort to derail from the topic at hand.

If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen.

It's not lack of compassion.

It's not "compassionate" to cover for someone who lacks the abilities, or the interest, no matter why. Why do older nurses think it's an act of compassion to let them continue when they don't have the abilities. This isn't about helping with a boost when someone is tired, it's way, way more than that.

Realize when you are a burden, and step down!!

[kbrn2002, ADN, RN]

While a fast paced ED probably isn't the best setting for her if Barbara isn't ready to retire for whatever reason why can't she just transfer to a position where moving at a breakneck speed isn't a requirement?

As far as her decision to not retire the reason's why are her own damn business. It's awfully presumptuous of some of you respondents to assume she'll be lonely and depressed when she stops working.

[Kooky Korky, BSN, RN]

I feel your pain. There are several retirees who work casual on my unit. They weren't ready to retire is what we constantly hear. They work two or three shifts a week. Only days, never shift or weekends.

It's a social outing for them. As you say they do about half the normal workload. We are treated to stories of how they just weren't ready to "put out to pasture". They are busy planning their winter holidays right now.

These women retired with full pensions. They make $350 for every shift they show up for. It's wearing us out covering their patients.

Suggestions would be wonderful

How are you covering their patients? If you are doing their work, quit it. Make them do their own work and maybe they'll be more ready for that pasture.

[Kooky Korky, BSN, RN]

So, are her colleagues supposed to pretend that she's carrying her weight and that working with her is fair when those things are clearly not true? They're supposed to play make believe to support her ego?

If something can be misunderstood, it will be.

[NurseCard, ADN]

I'm coming in late here, but just wanted to throw in my 2 cents:

"Choosing to be alone" in the elderly... I'm also of the opinion that

most people do not ACTIVELY choose to be alone, to the point that

when they are 70 years old, they have no one.

Case in point: My sister in law. Okay, she's actually only 46.

However, this poor woman has done EVERYTHING in her life

to try to ensure that when she is 70, she won't be alone. However,

things could turn out that way for her. She's on her third

marriage. Both of her first two husbands seemed like good

guys who would be okay for her... but things didn't work out.

Like I said, she's now on husband number 3. He seems

like a WONDERFUL man, and I really hope this works out.

With husband number 2, she tried to have children. She

ended up having six, six, miscarriages. No one could tell

her why. She finally gave up.

So... sometimes circumstances just are what they are.

You know?

As for working with old nurses... I've worked with a few.

:) Most of the ones I've worked with could work circles

around me. However, I worked with this one 72 year old

nurse... bless her heart she was pitiful. She needed to

retire so bad... she WANTED to retire, but didn't feel like

she could financially do so. She finally did it though.

As far as I know, she's currently doing OK.

[Rocknurse, MSN, APRN, NP]

Wait, wait, wait. So really ask yourself, is this woman truly not "pulling her weight" or is it just transference from the younger crowd who just believe she should retire because of her age? If she's not making mistakes and is safe then I don't think there's any reason to force her to retire. That's ageism. If she truly doesn't want to retire then that's her decision. If she hasn't done anything wrong then it's unfair to expect her to leave. Her absenteeism is one thing but not necessarily related to her age. You need to be very careful about how you phrase this because this actually goes against many hospitals' policy for discrimination. Just because people get old does not make them worthless. You'll be old soon too...would you want someone to throw you on the scrapheap? A lot of the time some people's work is their life and their reason for living. How cruel to take that away from someone who has contributed so much to nursing.

Older people have their value. I'm 51 and work in the ICU where there are a lot of younger people. They think they're the shizzle but they don't know what they don't know. When things go wrong it's us older nurses who can see an issue immediately because of experience and intuition. So often they look right through me and devalue me because they can't see past my age, but I've been doing this since before they were born! My mother-in-law is still working full time at 86 as a nurse and she's not even showing signs of slowing down yet. She's even mastered the new computer system recently.

When I graduate as a nurse practitioner I'll be 52. I'll just be starting and I plan on working for another 30 years yet. If anyone tries to throw me on the scrap heap before my time I'll fight them tooth and nail!

Plus, in relation to the having kids and getting married part...I'm married (only been married a year) but my wife is older than me. There may come a time when she isn't there anymore. I didn't have kids because a) I didn't want them, and b) because I chose to spend a life dedicated to my career. That doesn't mean I want to die old and alone. There are many people whose kids want nothing to do with them or their spouse ran off with someone else, so anyone can die old and alone at any time. The amount of ageism on this thread is astounding. At 51 I'm still playing in a heavy metal band, riding a motorcycle and in grad school. Age does not have to mean decrepit!

[OldDude]

This thread turned out to be quite interesting. As an OldDude, I think I can relate to Barbara's perspective more than some of the younger posters (young whippersnappers!). Since I work alone in my clinic as an elementary school nurse I don't have peers to "QC" my job performance...but if I did I would expect them to come to me, sincerely, with "the talk" if it became evident I wasn't being a safe and functional nurse; for the student's (patient's) sake. I can see how this may be a hard reality to come to terms with but it's gonna happen to all of us at some point in time.

But until then...the older I get the better I was!!

[llg, PhD, RN]

I am in my early/mid 60's ... single ... and childless ... thinking more and more about retirement these days and trying to figure out when would be the "best time" for me. Sometimes, I think the best time would be today. Other times, I think the best time is still 2 or 3 years away. For some of us, it's not an easy choice.

My suggestion is to talk about retirement with her -- without making it a "You need to retire now" conversation. Make it a social conversation. Ask about what she plans to do with her time after she retires. Maybe ask her why she changed her mind about October. Discuss these things in a social tone, not accusatory of course. Maybe ask her about things such as Medicare or Social Security, saying that you want to learn about such things for yourself to help you plan for when you are her age. For example, how does Medicare work when you still get health insurance from an employer? Isn't age 70 the age at which Social Security benefits max out, so that there is no benefit in waiting to take them any longer? etc. Talking about the transition from career into retirement in a friendly way might help her get more comfortable with it. At least it will help you to know her thoughts on the topic, which might help you be more supportive of her exit in a way that she would find acceptable. Can you invite her to lunch (or something) along with someone else who is already retired. (I had lunch on Sunday with 3 friends who are retired + another friend who is not. It does help to talk to retirees and hear about how happy they are with their lives.)

And then, when it seems appropriate for the circumstances, you can work in a few comments about the need for us all to retire eventually ... or that maybe she won't want to be driving on the bad roads to and from work in the winter months, etc. that will make retirement seem attractive to her.

Good luck. It sounds as if Barbara need a friend to give her a little support to help her transition into the next phase of her life.

[mtmkjr, BSN]

When someone has to help a fellow nurse there is a good chance the reasons will be interpreted differently depending on age.

Older? "too old/need to retire"

Younger? "time management"

Both may be true, but it's easy to assume things.

In this case, I don't doubt the OP's assessment of the situation, but in general, these types of opinions are often formed with the age as the first factor considered.