My son called me lazy for being sleepy during the daytime!

cmawrule · Feb 7, 2009

I worked nightshift for 3 years. I trained my kids not to expect Mom to be worth a darn till after 3 pm. Even if I got up earlier than that, my brain was not really"on" till 3. I also expected them to clean up after themselves while I was sleeping-earplugs are a big help, I could sleep right through vacuuming!

My husband and mother-in-law were a bigger problem-he really missed me and I finally went to days. Miss the extra money!

I do agree that your son has NO business calling you lazy unless he, too, is working 12 hours somewhere.

chevyv, BSN, RN · Feb 7, 2009

I don't think kids are selfish per se. I just think many people don't get it. I knew when my dad worked nights and we had to be quiet so he could sleep, it was hard. But, when I went to sleep and felt rested in the am, I didn't understand how anyone else couldn't feel rested as well. Working nights takes alot out of you. Sometimes even if you manage to get 7 hrs of sleep, it feels like an hour. Kids only know what they see really. How can they be expected to understand living sleep deprived? Waking them up in the middle of the night sounds good (loved it when I read it!), but why? So you prove a point and life goes on. They still miss you like crazy when you have to sleep. Maybe date night with your son (forget the hubby), once a month would be something special you could both look forward to.

I have no stories of my own. Just the product of a dad who worked nights.

blueheaven · Feb 7, 2009

My dad worked swing shift. One week 7-3, one week 3-11, and one week midnights. Lord help us if we woke him up-he could be a major bear. My mom was very supportive and taught us that it was very hard to sleep during the day and to be quiet while he slept. As long as your hubby continues to chime in with his immature 2 cents worth, your son is going to follow his example.

blueheaven · Feb 7, 2009

One time a guy I was kinda dating kept complaining about how tired he was, so I bet him that he couldn't live my schedule. Haha within a few days he gave up! People that don't work nights, just don't understand.
I also had an issue with my parents for a while. They would constantly call me while I was sleeping or come over to my apartment and knock on my door... and then when I finally answered, they would always say "were you sleeping?". This came to a quick stop after I started doing the same thing to them. I would call them in the middle of the night or just randomly stop at their house and say "were you sleeping?". They were so mad at first when I did that, but I think they finally got the point :)

My ex-hubbys friends who knew I worked night did the same thing. Ha Ha...I fixed them the same way as you did your parents!!! Worked like a CHARM!!!!!!

momofdandm · Feb 8, 2009

Thanks for the replies, everyone. My son is 11. He always wants to stay up late with me before my first night back to work, when I am trying to get into '3rd shift mode'. Sometimes he makes it until around 3:00 am, so making him stay awake probably won't work, as he is always asking to stay up late on Friday nights, anyway, lol. Yeah, I do agree on hubby setting the example. We were watching a movie last night, and of course I fell asleep halfway through it, at around 9:30 pm or so. I always say, "you try switching your sleep schedule back and forth like I do every week and see how good you sleep". :banghead: Of course, I'm sure it doesn't make a difference what I say. But that's what this board is for, is to vent!

Batman24 · Feb 8, 2009

What is your work schedule?! It sounds very erratic. That can cause a lot of wear and tear. Do they have you working days one week and nights the next?! Is there anything you can do to change it?! I would look for another job because I wouldn't be able to do it.

I agree hubby is setting a bad example. Your son seems to really need and miss you.

GadgetRN71, ASN, RN · Feb 8, 2009

I agree that age will have a lot to do with the kind of communication that is needed; but, no child (at any age) should be disrespectful in calling their parent lazy. Since the child called the parent 'lazy,' some hostility directed at the disrespectfullness is warranted.

I would never called either of my parents lazy..I would have caught holy hell for it if I had..the first thing to go would have been all the extras, like my allowance.

Good thing I am not the mom/wife in that household...some tough love for both hubby and son would be coming and fast!:angryfire

morte, LPN, LVN · Feb 8, 2009

it would appear that son is an only? and preadolescent.....big changes going on here...try to schedule time with him but also explain that his comment was uncalled for and WILL not be repeated! make sure that he is involved socially...and dont get too involved with "his" issues, in other words separate yourself from him, in a healthy growing way......

the husband is another issue entirely! is he, also, an "only"?.....seems very self centered.....on the other hand, are you using this to put distance between you? if you work the same shifts weekly, set your self a schedule, and stick to it.....but make it around their activities as well as your own as much as possible....

and if this not sleeping when you should be tired enough to do so is a new issue, and you are over 35, have your hormones checked....good luck

Magsulfate, BSN, RN · Feb 8, 2009

I worked night shift for a few years and now when I look back, it seems like all a big dream. I slept for 2 years,, or so I thought. I would go to bed at 10 and wake up at 4.

Now that I work days, I will never stay up until 10 on a work night, and I wake up at 5.

What I did to make my son understand was~~~ I told him to just imagine that it is 1am, is what he needs so important that he would wake up mommy at 1am? And if it was,,, then he would wake me up... and usually it really was something important!

But, I totally agree that society in general does not understand a night shift person needs sleep during the day My family, friends etc would call ALL DAY just because they knew I was home, and be suprised when they hear I'm asleep.... and still think that I'm going to just stay on the phone and continue the conversation.

It is NOT just a matter of getting uninterrupted sleep.... it really matters that night shifters go days, weeks with inadequate sleep altogether!! So, when they are woke during the day, it makes a HUGE difference to them, and makes them feel horrible.

Vito Andolini · Feb 8, 2009

I don't know if this will work but maybe have them try to stay up with you all night ( I guess when you son doesn't have to go to school the next morning. Maybe shoot for a day during spring break). Maybe you could have them do some house work so they will be working instead of sitting around watching tv. Then they can see first hand why you sleep during the day. Just a thought.

That's what I would suggest, except that I'd make them have to stay up during the day, too, and go to school and be expected to fully function. That'll learn 'em! Just don't let them drive or be unsafe. :angryfire:idea:

Not sure how one poster above thinks the son and husband must be only's. :confused: There are plenty of goofy children who are not only's, to be sure.

**canoehead, BSN, RN** · Feb 8, 2009

If my husband dared to be so disrespectful...and he allowed my son to say I was lazy for sleeping during the day. There would be a come to Jesus meeting within 24 hours, after I had calmed down a bit.

Solve the husband problem first, tell him you get 8 hours sleep just like he does, and just when does he think that's going to happen? He'd better have an answer and an apology. Then tell him you expect him to back you up in front of the kids, no questions. If the two of you disagree you can work that out in private. Words like lazy are unacceptable.

barefootlady, ADN, RN · Feb 8, 2009

I have no words of advice, you have plenty here already, I will just pray for you that your hubby and son get hit by lightening and learn how to show you respect, love and caring for all of the things you do for them. Blessings.