My son called me lazy for being sleepy during the daytime!

cjcsoon2bnp, MSN, RN, NP · Feb 7, 2009

I disagree with the users who said that you should to yell at your son or to punish him for the comments he has made about your sleeping schedule. I’m not sure how old your son is but I think these comments are not being said to hurt you but they appear to me more like an attention seeking behavior. If I were you I would sit down with your son and explain to him why you work the shift that you do and that if you don't get enough sleep you will get sick just like he can if he doesn't get enough sleep. By the way it sounds I am assuming your son is a younger child and not a teenager so you may have to change the conversation a little bit to make it age appropriate. I would also ask him if he feels he is getting to spend enough time with you. I say this because I can remember as a child that I would make similar comments to my father who worked the late night shifts because I wanted to spend more time with him but when he explained to me why he worked the hours he did and ensured me that we would spend plenty of time together I felt better and I stopped making the comments. I would also speak to your husband about the comments he is making and ask why he is making them so you can discuss the issue with him as well. Make sure there aren't some underlining issues going on beneath the quips and comments he makes but if there isn't then I would tell him that the comments are hurtful to you, they convey a negative image of your work to your son and are toxic overall for your relationship.

I don't mean to sound dramatic or overly sensitive about this kind of stuff but comments like this (especially from your spouse) need to be addressed right away to find out the source behind this passive aggressive behavior and they need to be discussed before they turn into bigger problems down the road. I think that once you talk to your son and find out why he is saying these things it will be a fairly easy problem to solve. Just keep in mind if he is a real little one sometimes they have very strict ideas in their head of what the facts of life are ex: "When the sun is up we are awake and when it goes down we go to sleep." or "When I wake up in the morning Mommy should be awake to make me breakfest" etc. and that's just a phase they grow out of, if the child is older then its probably another issue. As for your husband, just make sure you talk to him about this so you can work on whatever issues he is having with your work schedule so you can continue to work when you want to work without having to face any problems about it at home. Good luck and let us know how everything goes.

!Chris :specs:

Ruby Vee, BSN · Feb 7, 2009

i work 7p-7a on weekends. i have trouble a lot of the time switching my sleep/wake cycles from when i work (mainly weekends) and when i'm at home during the week. some nights i sleep fine, other nights i'm wide awake, and have to sleep during the day to make up for it. my son told me that i was lazy for sleeping during the day. i gave him a lecture on my work schedule and how it's hard to sleep/stay awake sometimes because of it. my husband has made remarks as well. however, i will not go to day shift. the pay is less and you have more work to do. so, in a way i'm venting, but i'm also asking other people to share their stories. how do you respond when your family gets mad at you for not staying awake during the day or for not staying in the bed at night (since you can't sleep)?

i went through the same thing with my ex-husband years ago. as an rn, he should have known better, but since he worked permanent 3-11, he didn't get it. i'll never forget the day he woke me up 7 times! "have you seen my shoes?" (where did you leave them? oh, what a surprise. they're just inside the front door where you took t hem off!) "have you seen my stethescope?" (not since you lent it to that flake you work with.) "your father is on the phone." (why didn't you just tell him i'm sleeping? he ought to understand since he used to work nights in a bakery!) "there's someone on the phone who wants to know if we want to donate to the salvation army." (you woke me up for that?) "where's the milk?" (have you looked in the refrigerator?) "have you seen my car keys?" (they're in your left hand. your other left.) "i'm going to work now." (please go. please, please, please go!) "you're going to have to drive me to work because i've lost my car keys." (my keys to your car are in my purse.) "i lost your keys, too."

one night i borrowed alarm clocks from all my friends and set 7 or 8 of them to different times and hid them all over the apartment. when i came home from work that morning, he was livid; absolutely hopping mad. interestingly enough, though, he only woke me two or three times a day after that!

nursejohio, ASN, RN · Feb 7, 2009

One night I borrowed alarm clocks from all my friends and set 7 or 8 of them to different times and hid them all over the apartment. When I came home from work that morning, he was livid; absolutely hopping mad. Interestingly enough, though, he only woke me two or three times a day after that!

That is a fabulous idea! The hubby of a nurse I work with did the same sorta thing, waking her up all the time by either just being noisy around the house or coming in with stupid questions. Starting around 1am, she stomped around the house for a couple hours, called the home phone from her cell (he'd always turn the ringers back on when he was home on weekends) came in to ask him if he'd switched the laundry she put in before she went to bed that morning, where her socks were, etc. The clincher was when she asked him to play checkers. :yeah: :lol2: :roll

goodness123 · Feb 7, 2009

they jus need to get use to it. n try to work it out wit them

Dalzac, LPN, LVN, RN · Feb 7, 2009

I worked nights for around 30 yrs. My son said the same thing. So during spring break i made him stay up all night and help me clean house, go to the allnight grocery store, did my shopping at 24 hour Walmart and do dozens of other things for almost a solid week. It will definately cure them of calling you lazy. Did I add the phoning the house around 2-3 o'clock just to see what he was doing? You betcha!!

Ruthiegal · Feb 7, 2009

I work 7p-7a on weekends. I have trouble a lot of the time switching my sleep/wake cycles from when I work (mainly weekends) and when I'm at home during the week. Some nights I sleep fine, other nights I'm wide awake, and have to sleep during the day to make up for it. My son told me that I was lazy for sleeping during the day. I gave him a lecture on my work schedule and how it's hard to sleep/stay awake sometimes because of it. My husband has made remarks as well. However, I will NOT go to day shift. The pay is less and you have more work to do. So, in a way I'm venting, but I'm also asking other people to share their stories. How do you respond when your family gets mad at you for not staying awake during the day or for not staying in the bed at night (since you can't sleep)?

I would make them stay up the same hours as you work for a couple of days, then see how they adjust. I think that would get thier attention. I work midnight shift and have never been called lazy for needing to sleep during the day, even on a day off. Let them walk in your shoes before they criticize you.

Just my :twocents: worth

blondy2061h, MSN, RN · Feb 7, 2009

My parents used to pull this crap on me when I lived with them. My mom complained that I wasn't happy about her vacuuming while I was trying to sleep before a shift. She told me I should do it if it bothered me so much. I told her I would- at 3am. She'd also whine about me "sleeping til noon." Some people have no idea! Luckily, I moved out shortly after. I like my parents more when I don't live with them.

Nurse Salt · Feb 7, 2009

I can pretty much sleep through anything, but I'll never forget the day my fiance decided to powerwash the driveway while I was sleeping... The drive way is right under our bedroom window (right next to my side of the bed!) When I came out of the house in a rage, I asked him why he didn't just wait 30 minutes and I would have been awake. To which he responded "I've been waiting all day, I didn't think a half hour would matter..." Oh, I must have had flames coming out my ears because he turned off the power washer, but then promptly pulled his "muscle car" out of the garage and revved the engine in the driveway... This all happened when I was first working nights and he just didn't get it... He's much more considerate now, except for the occassional rustling of paperwork making more noise than an atom bomb! But he tries, and I gotta love him for that!

I agree with the posters that say you need to find the root to this problem... People who have never worked nights just don't know what its like. Talk with your family. Good luck.

rita359 · Feb 7, 2009

Like the idea of giving them an education by setting alarm clocks to interrupt their sleep etc. Sounds like both of them could use some education about the effects of night work on the circadian rhythm. Sure you can find articles on line. Whatever age son is, he needs to be more respectful of his parent. If he is old enough to move out, maybe that is what he needs to do. Then he can live however he pleases if he can afford it.

BroadwayRN, ASN, RN · Feb 7, 2009

I'm not sure how old your son is but I think these comments are not being said to hurt you but they appear to me more like an attention seeking behavior

They may not be meant to hurt but they hurt just the same. A child who is old enough to be selfish is old enough to know better. The attention he may be seeking is more than likely Mom's attention at a time when she needs to be asleep and he will just have to find something else to do and learn to be thankful that his Mom has a job and can provide him with the things he enjoys. The husband is equally as selfish and is setting a bad example.

I still say spoil their sleep and see how they feel when the shoe is on the other foot. Sometimes experience is the best teacher. I don't condone yelling at the son or hitting him. On that we agree.

kcochrane · Feb 7, 2009

When I first switched to nights, it took awhile for everyone in the family to "get it".

First I explained that if I was working days, I still would not be available until 3 or 4, so don't expect it when I work nights. Second, you sleep all night and no one wakes you up, don't I deserve the same thing?

My 10 year old and 15 old are very understanding now and have really learned how to take care of things during the day. They know I'm there it is something important, but they also know I need to sleep. And they know if I switch back to days, I will not be here during the day to pick them up from school, attend school functions and for them to stay home if they are sick. Everyone benefits in the long run with me working nights.

I agree that the husband is setting a bad example and needs to be dealt with first. He is old enough to understand and will set the pace and attitude in the house.

Christie RN2006 · Feb 7, 2009

One time a guy I was kinda dating kept complaining about how tired he was, so I bet him that he couldn't live my schedule. Haha within a few days he gave up! People that don't work nights, just don't understand.

I also had an issue with my parents for a while. They would constantly call me while I was sleeping or come over to my apartment and knock on my door... and then when I finally answered, they would always say "were you sleeping?". This came to a quick stop after I started doing the same thing to them. I would call them in the middle of the night or just randomly stop at their house and say "were you sleeping?". They were so mad at first when I did that, but I think they finally got the point :)