Most stressful moment as a nurse: spouse on vent + decision making

[flaerman]

Right now is my most stressful moment as a nurse. All my wife wanted for Xmas was to go and visit her mom(she has Alheimer's and lives her older who relocated to SC within the last 18 months or so) so I sent her there. My wife is blind and has multiple medical problems including being the world's worst migraine sufferer. She had the usual H/A's etc but either late Xmas eve.early Xmas day she had a really bad one(all of her H/A's were always bad to her) with N/V which is not out of character sometimes(she was sick in bed and never got to spend Xmas with mom anyway). US Air wanted $600-700 to fly her home early so we had to crash some low level credit cards to get airfare and was due to fly home on Friday. Unfortunately she collapsed and was rushed to ER, and is now on a vent in a neuro ICU. In 22 yrs it has never bothered me looking at a sick pt, but then again there was no emotional attachment as my wife and I have. This is absolutely killing me and is moving me towards wanting to seriously give up on nursing as a career. I work in an intense med/surg ICU and am sure I would not melt down taking care of my next vent pt. Sorry for the long winded message but I am just so lost right now and trying to hang to whatever I can that we(she and I) will get over this and continue to be together(as I always tell her, "we will grow old, and fat together baby"). Flaerman

[Liddle Noodnik]

Just a quick note to everyone regarding my wife...

I didn't see this thread til today, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Please don't feel you have to decide ANYthing right now - just be with your family and get through these next days. You will know when it's time to know. Take good care.

[RN007]

Flaerman, I hope you will accept condolences and love from yet another RN sister. I am holding you and your family in my heart.

[MzMouse]

My thoughts are with you. I am so sorry for your loss.

[Sabby_NC]

Just a quick note to everyone regarding my wife. Life support was discontinued at 5:30 PM on Wed(01/23/08) andd my dear wife and best friend slipped quietly into that good night at 11:50 PM surround by her loving family(myself, her 3 children, older sister and favorite neice and nephew). I had to do was right for her, it hurts she is gone but she is in a better place and will never have another headache, GI problem or SOB. Traching her and a PEG on long term vent support would not be what she wanted along with total L sided paralysis, severe speech/cognitive deficits, and inabilty or servere swallowing deficit would not be the way she want to live either(being blind she'd already lost one sense and had enough of a disability and she always told me her greatest was being on a vent and not being able to speak). I fly home to Phoenix later today to try and piece my life back together, also gotta get my "babydog-EMMY" from my co-worker(she is Sharon's semi-retired guide-dog who doesn't travel well so on "mom's" trip- so she stayed home with "dad"(she's always been as much my dog as Sharon's). I'll figure out what to about returning to work and being an ICU RN again(if I can without thinking of my wife every time my pt's are vented). I want to thank everyone who has responded with much needed, kind words of support which have been a great help to me during this time. This was a time for me where nurses did not eat their own and showed great class.

flaerman

You, my friend, have my love, prayers and support. What an amazing gift you gave your wife.

Know you are here amongst friends when you need to chat in the middle of the night or any time.

May the Lord give you the peace and comfort at this tragically sad time.

[shapka]

Flaerman,

I am new to the forum and just read the thread today... but i feel compelled to respond, as my heart aches for you and I, just like the others, want to extend warm thoughts to you. It might not seem relevant now, but your story is inspirational and I can only wish for a love like the one you had with your wife - no one can take that away from you and I hope you find strength in it.

[leslie :-D]

You, my friend, have my love, prayers and support. What an amazing gift you gave your wife.

Know you are here amongst friends when you need to chat in the middle of the night or any time.

May the Lord give you the peace and comfort at this tragically sad time.

the bold (my emphasis), is what precisely i was thinking...

that, not only were you your wife's loving husband and best friend, you were the angel who comforted and honored her, and led her Home.

while you grieve through this heartbreaking journey, please take comfort in knowing she is free and peaceful.

until you meet again, may you feel content in truly exemplifying what love is all about.

wishing you peace, strength and eternal faith.

leslie

[canoehead, BSN, RN]

You let her go and eased her suffering. It's the hardest decision to make, and you honored her by doing it. You have my admiration, and my sympathy.

[flightnurse2b, LPN]

wishing you peace and strength during this difficult time, flaerman. i am so sorry for the loss of your wife. you and your family will be in my prayers.

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN]

Prayers and gentle hugs.

[nuangel1, BSN, RN]

flaerman i am so sorry for your loss .please accept my condolensces.i just lost my mom in dec and had to make the same choices.i have been a nurse 22 yrs as well.and it just sucks.please do something for yourself.take a femla if you can. know that your wife was blessed to have you and your love .she is now at peace.please take care of yourself .

[Mulan]

God bless you.

[NurseCard, ADN]

I am very sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself during this trying time and allow yourself to grieve. Let others help you with a lot of the decision making during this time, if and when they can.

Again I am so sorry. Peace and blessings be with you...