Most stressful moment as a nurse: spouse on vent + decision making

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Specializes in M/S, Onc, PCU, ER, ICU, Nsg Sup., Neuro.

Right now is my most stressful moment as a nurse. All my wife wanted for Xmas was to go and visit her mom(she has Alheimer's and lives her older who relocated to SC within the last 18 months or so) so I sent her there. My wife is blind and has multiple medical problems including being the world's worst migraine sufferer. She had the usual H/A's etc but either late Xmas eve.early Xmas day she had a really bad one(all of her H/A's were always bad to her) with N/V which is not out of character sometimes(she was sick in bed and never got to spend Xmas with mom anyway). US Air wanted $600-700 to fly her home early so we had to crash some low level credit cards to get airfare and was due to fly home on Friday. Unfortunately she collapsed and was rushed to ER, and is now on a vent in a neuro ICU. In 22 yrs it has never bothered me looking at a sick pt, but then again there was no emotional attachment as my wife and I have. This is absolutely killing me and is moving me towards wanting to seriously give up on nursing as a career. I work in an intense med/surg ICU and am sure I would not melt down taking care of my next vent pt. Sorry for the long winded message but I am just so lost right now and trying to hang to whatever I can that we(she and I) will get over this and continue to be together(as I always tell her, "we will grow old, and fat together baby"). Flaerman

Flaerman,

Your story touched my heart. I'll say a prayer for your wife. You are both lucky to have eachother.

Specializes in onc, M/S, hospice, nursing informatics.
Right now is my most stressful moment as a nurse. All my wife wanted for Xmas was to go and visit her mom(she has Alheimer's and lives her older who relocated to SC within the last 18 months or so) so I sent her there. My wife is blind and has multiple medical problems including being the world's worst migraine sufferer. She had the usual H/A's etc but either late Xmas eve.early Xmas day she had a really bad one(all of her H/A's were always bad to her) with N/V which is not out of character sometimes(she was sick in bed and never got to spend Xmas with mom anyway). US Air wanted $600-700 to fly her home early so we had to crash some low level credit cards to get airfare and was due to fly home on Friday. Unfortunately she collapsed and was rushed to ER, and is now on a vent in a neuro ICU. In 22 yrs it has never bothered me looking at a sick pt, but then again there was no emotional attachment as my wife and I have. This is absolutely killing me and is moving me towards wanting to seriously give up on nursing as a career. I work in an intense med/surg ICU and am sure I would not melt down taking care of my next vent pt. Sorry for the long winded message but I am just so lost right now and trying to hang to whatever I can that we(she and I) will get over this and continue to be together(as I always tell her, "we will grow old, and fat together baby"). Flaerman

Flaerman... so very sorry for what you're going through. My prayers are with you and your wife.

:icon_hug:

Specializes in Med-Surg, Geriatric, Behavioral Health.
Right now is my most stressful moment as a nurse. All my wife wanted for Xmas was to go and visit her mom(she has Alheimer's and lives her older who relocated to SC within the last 18 months or so) so I sent her there. My wife is blind and has multiple medical problems including being the world's worst migraine sufferer. She had the usual H/A's etc but either late Xmas eve.early Xmas day she had a really bad one(all of her H/A's were always bad to her) with N/V which is not out of character sometimes(she was sick in bed and never got to spend Xmas with mom anyway). US Air wanted $600-700 to fly her home early so we had to crash some low level credit cards to get airfare and was due to fly home on Friday. Unfortunately she collapsed and was rushed to ER, and is now on a vent in a neuro ICU. In 22 yrs it has never bothered me looking at a sick pt, but then again there was no emotional attachment as my wife and I have. This is absolutely killing me and is moving me towards wanting to seriously give up on nursing as a career. I work in an intense med/surg ICU and am sure I would not melt down taking care of my next vent pt. Sorry for the long winded message but I am just so lost right now and trying to hang to whatever I can that we(she and I) will get over this and continue to be together(as I always tell her, "we will grow old, and fat together baby"). Flaerman

My friend, I can personally understand "how" that would be difficult for you at this time....to care for others who may remind you of your dearest loved one. Not only is this a time of crisis for her (your wife), but for you as well. You are an excellent and compassionate man...this indeed shines thru on your post....and no doubt, a wonderful nurse and a devoted, loving husband. But, we all have limits, my friend. Due to the nature of your current nursing field (M/S ICU), you are surrounded by intense moments that either "remind or blur" the nurse and husband in you. So, in this, I understand your difficulty...and your need to lessen the pain. Crisis can do this.

You are now questioning "if you have it in you" to remain a nurse due to these circumstances. It is a crossroad that some of us must face...due to the nature of our business. I had a similar crossroad of crisis(es) several years ago...and had to come to some major life decisions of my own then...for myself and for those I cared for and loved. The ache of a man is indeed a hard thing...and, it shouldn't be ignored...since many of us tend not to reach out, but hold it in. One of my choices then was to simply change fields to a different area of nursing...which made a world of difference for me. This is one option you may want to consider for yourself....to reduce the intensity in your life.

I am very honored by the sharing of your heart to us here and admire your courage to reach out to us in your own personal ache. We all have limits...and there is no shame in acknowledging and owning this. The priority now is to yourself and to your wife..."a couple in extreme crisis". And it is appropriate to begin thinking about "what do I need to do now for us" as a result of it...in order to get thru this and for you to be there for her when she needs you the most. So, some decisions will need to be made by you...to assist you both. But, do not think that decisions have to be all black and white. And do not think that decisions have to "all be made right now at this moment." Even in crisis, we have time...if we allow it...to work thru it and to think it thru more clearly, honestly. Give yourself some time. Continue to reach out and discuss. Embrace the support that is offered to you during this time. Listen to what others have to say...exploring your options. Pay attention to your own groanings and needs as well.

So, is Nursing still an option for you? It is but a question for you to answer...in time. But before you do make a decision like that...consider all your options.

My friend, I wish you my very best during this difficult time...and in your decisions that you will need to eventually make. I do commend you...for the love and devotion that you hold towards your spouse. Believe it or not, in this day and age, many do not have this precious gift. I am honored by your presence. And I have no doubt that you will eventually do what is best for you both...as a loving couple...career decisions and all.

Extending out my prayers and hugs to you both,

Wolfie

Specializes in ORTHOPAEDICS-CERTIFIED SINCE 89.

Flaerman that really touched my heart. The love you hold for your spouse is beautiful. Bless you and her in these troubling times.

dear flaerman,

I can imagine how stressful you are right now...I don't know your faith but, whatever it is....just hold onto your faith...is being sure of things you hope for and being certain of things you cannot see.

I'll be praying for you and your wife...God bless.

Specializes in M/S, Onc, PCU, ER, ICU, Nsg Sup., Neuro.

My ordeal to my current stressful moment as a nurse continues on. I am now with faced continuing on agressively with a trach/PEG and long term vent(nsg home for weeks to months and possibly the rest of her life-per her neuro intensivist) for my wife which I know is not what she wants versus removal of life support and letting nature take it's course. In my 22 years as a nurse I have dealt this too many times from the non-attached professional standpoint, so this is extremely difficult for me. We lived in Florida during the Terri Schiavo incident and had discussed what we wanted and didn't want, just never put it into writing due to our cross country move and difficult adaption to a state we don't like(also when you are early 50's it wasn't quite a rush to do kinda of thing). Her older sister is in agreement with me but I also want input from her children as well so that everyone understands and is aware of what's going on and where we may need to go with this. I wish tyo thank everyone who has responded with much needed kind words of support. I am holding on at present thanks to my family,friends and support from folks such as yourselves.

Flaerman:o

Flaerman, I will pray that you receive the guidance and support you need in this difficult time. My thoughts are with you, Friend.

Linda, RN

Specializes in Vents, Telemetry, Home Care, Home infusion.

Flaerman,

With your permission, started this separate post....

Our allnurses staff offer prayers, support and a shoulder to lean on

We'll keep the light on for you..... stop in anytime.

May the spiritual/counseling team at your wife's hospital also provide you with some sustenance.

I am so sorry you are having to be in this situation - can you get FMLA for a while???

I will be praying for your wife!

:icon_hug:

Specializes in Med/Surg/Ortho/HH/Radiology-Now Retired.

My warmest wishes go out to you at this trying time.

My thoughts and prayers for your dear wife.

Her situation is something we all dread, and hope never to have happen.

I'll pray for guidance and a sense of peace for you as you navigate your way through this.

Bless you both.

Specializes in LTC,Hospice/palliative care,acute care.
We lived in Florida during the Terri Schiavo incident and had discussed what we wanted and didn't want, Flaerman:o
What a great gift you gave to each other by making your wishes known.God be with you.
+ Add a Comment