Inane scripting

sevensonnets · Dec 7, 2016

We were ordered to say ' CVICU/Open Heart Unit. This is Sonnet RN. How may I help you?' Seems simple enough till you have to say it 50 times a day and you're in the middle of a code or some other emergency. People were tripping on their tongues trying to spit it out, so gradually it became 'CVI Sonnet' all over again. And none of the BigWigs who thought that up ever said another word about it.

CelticGoddess, BSN, RN · Dec 7, 2016

Hi all.
I just got off the phone with a self-storage space. The staff answered the phone by saying "Acme storage, how may we meet your storage needs?"
I almost laughed, but gave the staff person points for not vomiting while they said that.
What are your most silly scripting experiences?

The cashier at Starbucks asking me how she could make my visit better.

Or the nurse who had to ask me how she could make my "stay" better. (Her manager was hovering) I was getting excellent care, so the only way they could have made my "stay" better was to give me a map of the escape routes.

I used to be a tour guide and my boss gave all of us this ridiculous closing script we were supposed to repeat before our passengers disembarked (I drove a carriage). It was stupid, it didn't make sense and NONE of us would repeat it unless he was nearby. I can't remember what exactly it was but I do remember a passenger asking me why I rambled off something so stupid. I just sort of pointed at my boss and he nodded.

I don't do scripting

RNNPICU, BSN, RN · Dec 7, 2016

At the grocery store they always ask if I had found everything. I few times I have said no, and they actually found the item and brought it to me. On one occasion, I didn't think of it until I was actually checking out. Win for me because they found it and brought it to the check-out. I kind of like it. Most of the time I quickly say yes.

I called an office once and they answered, Good Morning, this is XXX, How can I help you have a great day.

I almost laughed

Sue Damonas, BSN · Dec 7, 2016

When I call customer service for my insurance company they say" Who do I have the pleasure of speaking with today?".

KatieMI, BSN, MSN, RN · Dec 8, 2016

What I just can't stop wondering is if someone REALLY think that people must enjoy that mechanical pleasanties exchange? In LTACH, where I work and where there is just no place for such things, as it is kind of impossible to use on our specific population (consisting of 50+% sickest of the sick totally deconditioned vents), patients and family members indicated more than once that they were, in fact, sick and tired of scripting. Eventually, and correctly, many of them started to figure that it was intended to cover from them facts and that things about Mother Dear were not really going so "great" and "awesome". I inquired why they did not asked about it, and the most common answer was that "we thought it was part of "their" jobs to be pleasant, and we do not bother others if they just do what they are paid for". In other words, these poor souls felt and perceived correctly that they were quite balantly lied to but accepted it as a "rule of the game", even when the life of their loved one was at stake. I was quite surprised by this observation and wonder if anyone who produced those silly scripting phrases ever thought about this possibility.

lrobinson5 · Dec 8, 2016

It wasn't silly so much as infuriating: *With flu shot in hand* "Your doctor has ordered a flu shot for you. Would you like it in your right or left arm?"

I have NEVER done this. Want to know how to piss someone off really quickly? Bringing in a flu shot without talking to the patient about it beforehand and not asking for their consent!

sevensonnets · Dec 8, 2016

There is an old guy, a clerk at CVS, who always says, "Howdy neighbor! Are you countin your blessins?" He says it to literally everybody who walks in the door!

ComeTogether, LPN · Dec 8, 2016

So my Husband and I are as northern as you can get, Boston accents and all. Fairly heavy ones, too. (watch the devil came up to Boston on you tube for an idea)

We moved to South Carolina about 8 years ago, and his job transfer fell through so he took a temp job handing out flyers for a politician.

They sent him to the most country of all country towns, on these side streets that were made of dirt and everyone knew everyone. He had to knock on peoples doors and say

" Hi I"m (wicked italian name) and I live right around the cornah, I'd love you to considah (whoever he was) foah (whatever he was running for). "

Riiiiggghhhttt, that was soooo believable.

Emergent, RN · Dec 8, 2016

"Did you experience something wonderful today?"
The patient smirked and answered most heartily: "sure, honey, I DID FINALLY S*** today!"
The poor nurse (from our host facility, where staff is driven to robotic parroting reg. scripting) exclaimed, completely automatically: "this is SO great, how can I help you to experience this further?"
After that admission/transfer preop report had to stop... for quite a while
:roflmao:

Funniest post ever on allnurses! :roflmao:

Mavrick, BSN, RN · Dec 8, 2016

I answer the phone with my own script, "Recovery Room, this is Mavrick MayIhelpyou" (Said like "Mayihelpyou" is my last name).

TriciaJ, RN · Dec 8, 2016

What I just can't stop wondering is if someone REALLY think that people must enjoy that mechanical pleasanties exchange? In LTACH, where I work and where there is just no place for such things, as it is kind of impossible to use on our specific population (consisting of 50+% sickest of the sick totally deconditioned vents), patients and family members indicated more than once that they were, in fact, sick and tired of scripting. Eventually, and correctly, many of them started to figure that it was intended to cover from them facts and that things about Mother Dear were not really going so "great" and "awesome". I inquired why they did not asked about it, and the most common answer was that "we thought it was part of "their" jobs to be pleasant, and we do not bother others if they just do what they are paid for". In other words, these poor souls felt and perceived correctly that they were quite balantly lied to but accepted it as a "rule of the game", even when the life of their loved one was at stake. I was quite surprised by this observation and wonder if anyone who produced those silly scripting phrases ever thought about this possibility.

Nope. The people who produce them just think about the money they're going to make, selling them to suckers. The suckers (managers who left their brains in the car) don't think. They just jump on bandwagons.

TriciaJ, RN · Dec 8, 2016

So my Husband and I are as northern as you can get, Boston accents and all. Fairly heavy ones, too. (watch the devil came up to Boston on you tube for an idea)
We moved to South Carolina about 8 years ago, and his job transfer fell through so he took a temp job handing out flyers for a politician.
They sent him to the most country of all country towns, on these side streets that were made of dirt and everyone knew everyone. He had to knock on peoples doors and say
" Hi I"m (wicked italian name) and I live right around the cornah, I'd love you to considah (whoever he was) foah (whatever he was running for). "
Riiiiggghhhttt, that was soooo believable.

Kudos to your husband for doing whatever it took to earn a paycheque when his real job fell through.