Inane scripting

[Jedrnurse]

Hi all.

I just got off the phone with a self-storage space. The staff answered the phone by saying "Acme storage, how may we meet your storage needs?"

I almost laughed, but gave the staff person points for not vomiting while they said that.

What are your most silly scripting experiences?

[AliNajaCat]

"We know you have options when it comes to your healthcare and we appreciate you choosing us to meet all of your wellness needs."

This doubtless came from some HR exec who heard it from the flight attendants on his latest company-paid junket. They've been saying that on flights forever.

Unfortunately, while it is true that you have choices when you choose an airline, most people have no damn choice at all when they go to the hospital.

[saskrn]

"We hope you received excellent care today"- gag!

The higher ups told our unit clerks to say "How can I be of service to you today?"

One accidentally said "How can I service you today?" which made me LOL

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

Some time ago, a new dialysis nurse who before that was working peacefully with my patient turned toward me while I was doing something in the room and asked, rather innocently:

- so, you just came here and got some American dude h***ed up?

To say that I was shocked means to say nothing at all. One shouldn't be a genius to figure out that I might be an immigrant because of my accent, and I wear a plain gold band, but for some reason I got stunned by unappropriateness and unprofessionalism of that question. I pretty much run out of the room crying and asked for re-assignment. With following talk, the nurse told that it was his (traveling dialysis) company new policy - he was not also supposed to ask other nurses about their personal lives "to show friendliness and wish to provide best personal customer service" but document it in a special form. As if he had nothing else to watch for during treatment on unstable patient Only one thing he did wrong was the question's formulating, but he actually was supposed to ask me THAT!

Poor guy was so happy when we all assured him that his company's shmolicies regarding being friendly that way were the last thing we cared for. Nevertheless, in a short he moved to one of Big Three dialysis companies - according to him, not the least because of relative absense of scripting there.

I cannot imagine the word that would have to be asterisked that starts with "h", has three letters and then ends with ed. Can someone please enlighten me?

[AvaRose]

I generally answer the phone at my job with Thank you for calling XYZ this is AvaRose how can I help you...however the first time I answered a call from one of our doctors I happened to be standing outside the nurse's station trying to chart on the portable computer and it came out Thank you for calling XY....OW...DARN...(hey at least I didn't curse). I found out the phone cord only reaches just so far before it snaps back and your hand gets jammed behind the nurse's computer. I had to explain to the doctor when she stopped laughing that I dropped the phone and nearly impaled myself on the scissors that are stuffed behind the nurse's computer for some reason. Now this doctor always smirks at me if I have to answer the phone from outside the nurse's station while she is rounding. Now to get the other 2 nurses to answer a call once in awhile...

[BeckyESRN]

I had a cashier tell me that if you complete their survey and rate the experience less than 5/5, the cashier gets reprimanded!

[Skippingtowork]

I cannot imagine the word that would have to be asterisked that starts with "h", has three letters and then ends with ed. Can someone please enlighten me?

"hooked"?

[BadwomanM]

At the hopsital I used to work at when we answered the call bell we were supposed to say "How can I help you? [i']I have time.[/i]" *gag*

You must have worked where I did years ago. I remember that line. Sure wasn't true most of the time, either.

[NurseSpeedy, ADN, LPN, RN]

At the hopsital I used to work at when we answered the call bell we were supposed to say "How can I help you? [i']I have time.[/i]" *gag*

I remember the video training sessions we were required to watch when this one was implemented.

...and the patient that laughed his rear end off when the words came out of my mouth after he'd watched me running up and down the halls the whole shift. He blurted out "No you don't!".

[gettingbsn2msn, MSN, RN]

The best or worse case I ever saw was at Barnes and Nobles. I was in line and their was one cashier and customers backed up for a mile. The cashier just kept going on and on about signing up for their card or whatever they were selling. She was almost robotic and showed no emotion. The lady at the counter finally told her to "shut up" and walked out. Do these companies realize that some people do not want to hear this!

[Lynzbrooke]

I work in a pharmacy.

Hi! This xxxx thank you for calling xxxx where we give the flu shot daily! How may I help you be well today?

Or when we're not in flu season we use the tongue twister shingle shot daily. Gotta love it.

[sunshine-momMSN]

Two I have said -

"Thank you for calling Sally Beauty Supply and equipment, this is Melanie, how can I help you today"

Oh and the best was when I worked at Fashion Bug

"Its better at the bug, this is Melanie how can I make you fabulous today"