Inane scripting

[Jedrnurse]

Hi all.

I just got off the phone with a self-storage space. The staff answered the phone by saying "Acme storage, how may we meet your storage needs?"

I almost laughed, but gave the staff person points for not vomiting while they said that.

What are your most silly scripting experiences?

[ComeTogether, LPN]

sorry,this made me laugh.

Pt- Im sorry, i threw up.

nurse- Dont worry, it will be my pleasure to wipe up all the vomit off of you and the floor.I hope to be providing very good care in wiping you up.

pt- thanks, sorry about that.

nurse- oh, its ok, dont worry, it truly was my pleasure to serve you.

Right?! Whoever came up with that one really didn't think it though.

[Eagle2110, ADN, BSN, CNM]

LOL!

I constantly ask my southern friends to repeat themselves because I don't understand.

One time someone said her son "showed his ass" and I was looking at her, horrified. I said "Why would he DO that?" ..... I thought he mooned her.

I love the south! :-)

Hilarious!! You made me laugh. I'm from the south, and "showed his/her a**" is definitely a common phrase when speaking of a child misbehaving:roflmao:

[holliewood]

I used to work on a unit that had pods A-I. Would usually answer "Pod B, this is XXX." One time I was charge, so I was making rounds. The phone was ringing when I walked in, and I was the closest person to it. Cue "Pod....Ummm...Oh hell, I don't know...E, maybe?" I'll never forget the neurologist laughing hysterically on the other end!

[NurseCard, ADN]

My husband used to work at Chili's, the restaurant. At one time,

they were answering the phone: "It's a great day here at Chili's,

how may I help you today?"

Sometimes I'll call Applebee's and order to-go, and they say,

"Thank you for calling Applebee's, where we off curbside to go

service, this is Joe Blow, how may I help you?"... I'd get

my tongue tied in a knot by the end of that!

Personally, I've never been given much scripting in my

career. Thank goodness.

[kbrn2002, ADN, RN]

Just answering the phone can take what feels like forever. By the time you spit out "thank you for calling the facility with the ridiculously long name, this is me, RN, how may I direct your call today?" I am surprised that whoever is on the other end can even remember why they called by the time all that is finished. Making it even worse, we recently changed ownership and now have a different ridiculously long name so I usually have to follow up with explaining that yes, this is actually the place that you are trying to call.

[blondy2061h, MSN, RN]

Just answering the phone can take what feels like forever. By the time you spit out "thank you for calling the facility with the ridiculously long name, this is me, RN, how may I direct your call today?" I am surprised that whoever is on the other end can even remember why they called by the time all that is finished. Making it even worse, we recently changed ownership and now have a different ridiculously long name so I usually have to follow up with explaining that yes, this is actually the place that you are trying to call.

As house supervisor I often have to call our switchboard. If you call internally they just answer "Switchboard!" From an external number they answer "Thanks for calling XY Facility, this is the operator, how may I direct your call?"

Sometimes I call the switchboard from my work cell so they'll think it's an external number until they have a second to process and realize they recognize the number. Which turns in "Thanks for calling XY...oh hi Blondy!"

[Mikey31079]

I used to work on a unit that had pods A-I. Would usually answer "Pod B, this is XXX." One time I was charge, so I was making rounds. The phone was ringing when I walked in, and I was the closest person to it. Cue "Pod....Ummm...Oh hell, I don't know...E, maybe?" I'll never forget the neurologist laughing hysterically on the other end!

Same here...I work as a UC...I'm normally on the observation unit but if we have very few patients I have to float...the other day I was like..."obs..no wait..5..no wait...2 north this is mikey how may I help you?" The supervisor came up to the floor laughing so hard she was purple in the face and said "did you figure out where you're at yet?"

[Nepenthe Sea]

My hospital a couple of years ago directed us to start saying "My pleasure" as "No problem" or even "You're welcome" were considered rude or not pleasant enough. I guess everybody must have blown this off completely because they haven't said anything about it since. Hello, I don't work for Chick-Fil-A!

More recently, at the grocery store in which I shop they had the cashiers and baggers asking us things like "So, do you have any plans for this evening?" or "Is today your day off?" I think that customer service has gone WAY overboard when they sound like they're hitting on you. One time they asked me if I had plans for the night and I told them "Well, my kids are in bed now, so I guess I can start drinking." You could almost hear crickets chirping as they just stared at me. lol

[Jedrnurse, BSN, RN]

...and don't get me started on online customer surveys! If I call the bank to do a little thing like change an address, within a day there's a survey request in my inbox. And then a couple of follow-ups if you don't respond. I even had a potential job website (that rejected my application, by the way) email me with a satisfaction survey a couple of days later. Needless to say, I did put some "free text" in THAT comment box.

[KatieMI, BSN, MSN, RN]

More recently, at the grocery store in which I shop they had the cashiers and baggers asking us things like "So, do you have any plans for this evening?" or "Is today your day off?" I think that customer service has gone WAY overboard when they sound like they're hitting on you. One time they asked me if I had plans for the night and I told them "Well, my kids are in bed now, so I guess I can start drinking." You could almost hear crickets chirping as they just stared at me. lol

Some time ago, a new dialysis nurse who before that was working peacefully with my patient turned toward me while I was doing something in the room and asked, rather innocently:

- so, you just came here and got some American dude h***ed up?

To say that I was shocked means to say nothing at all. One shouldn't be a genius to figure out that I might be an immigrant because of my accent, and I wear a plain gold band, but for some reason I got stunned by unappropriateness and unprofessionalism of that question. I pretty much run out of the room crying and asked for re-assignment. With following talk, the nurse told that it was his (traveling dialysis) company new policy - he was not also supposed to ask other nurses about their personal lives "to show friendliness and wish to provide best personal customer service" but document it in a special form. As if he had nothing else to watch for during treatment on unstable patient Only one thing he did wrong was the question's formulating, but he actually was supposed to ask me THAT!

Poor guy was so happy when we all assured him that his company's shmolicies regarding being friendly that way were the last thing we cared for. Nevertheless, in a short he moved to one of Big Three dialysis companies - according to him, not the least because of relative absense of scripting there.

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN]

I used to take the laminated card out of my pocket and "READ" it to the pt. It was stupid and I only did it when the supervisor was around.

The "What can I do for you - I have the time?" is really insincere when you running to a code.

[smartassmommy]

I'm glad we don't have scripting. However because I pick up shifts, I often end up on different floors. In one shift I managed to confuse the clinical coordinator and a hospice nurse because I reflexively answered the phone with"regular floor this is smartassmommy"