I'm at this point right now...sorry for the vent
Today marked 6 months at my current position (Med-Surg) and 11 1/2 months of working as a nurse. It started off with one of my patients deciding that I wasn't paying enough attention to his needs. He told me he was paying for me to do whatever he said to do when he said to do it, despite the fact that most of what he wanted required doctor's orders that I didn't have at that time (I got them, but not fast enough). So he complained about me to the charge nurse and DON and fired me. Then as if that didn't make the day suck enough I was given another patient (to trade the one that fired me) and I went and made my first med error and it was one that could have killed or seriously harmed my patient. I was lucky that he was okay and I'll never make that mistake again. I MIDAS reported myself and then several hours later the DON wrote me up for the error. So much for MIDAS reports being "teaching tools for how to prevent errors not reports used to punish" as we were told repeatedly in orientation.
I tried asking the DON how to put in my resignation even though I have a new grad contract and would have to pay back a bunch of money but he told me no I couldn't quit and that he wanted to work to see if I had potential. That sounds like he needs a warm body on the floor whether I'm safe or not. Sorry you are short handed but at this point I am no longer safe to work as a nurse and as it was never a calling for me but just a job (one that I've really hated for most of the year I've done it), it doesn't seem fair to co-workers or patients to keep trying to force myself to be a nurse. I don't trust myself anymore so how can anyone else trust me? Not sure how to get out of this except by turning in my license to the BON as being unsafe, but that seems a little extreme just to leave a job that I can't and don't want to do anymore.
Sorry for the long rant, I just don't know what to do. My mom is so excited that I'm a nurse but doesn't understand that I'm miserable. I cry at least once a week and I'm tired of it. Wal-Mart at $10 an hour looks so much better right now.