If I Said on Here What I Wanted to Say.

futureRNMena · Nov 10, 2011

Love the monitor throwing! hehehe

JenniferSews · Nov 10, 2011

I have posted hoping for some real, true, honest to goodness advice and gotten a page full of "nice" responses that meant nothing and didn't help me in the least. I would have appreciated a true and honest response, even if someone called me a butthead. :yeah:

OTOH for every post I have made on AN there are 3 that I typed out and then closed without posting because "REALLY? Really? Surely you aren't a real person, because if you are I need a new career." And I knew if I posted it I wouldn't be helping anyone, because some people just can't be helped. And some people only want to hear what they want to hear, not something that might actually be useful.

elthia · Nov 10, 2011

At least daily I pound out some rather obnoxious reply that says exactly how I feel...then I re-read it....then I erase it and just go back to reading different threads. If I really feel strongly about the subject I will return later with a more appropriate response that I can hit the submit button. I'm just thankful that SO FAR, I've never actually hit the submit button at the wrong time.
It feels good to just get it out. Does anyone else do this routinely? Maybe I am just the butthead.
(Hitting submit now and there was no previous obnoxious response that was erased).

I do this all the time. I have 4 times the amount of erased posts than posts that actually make it on the board.

elthia · Nov 10, 2011

I just get annoyed when someone asks for help or opinions with a preconceived notion of what they are looking for as far as answers. Anyone that tries to enlighten them to anything other than this gets ignored or an argument. I once told someone, why did you ask if you were only willing to accept the answer you were looking for. I was accused of being a bully.
..................<_______this is where i erased what really wanted to say.>
Maybe I've turned into a grumpy old nurse.

I think many are not looking for help or opinions, they are looking for validation. The poster is unsure of their interventions, or perhaps the poster is being criticized for some interventions and now they are looking for validation that what they did was right. They feel all self righteous.

An example I encountered in real life.

A nurses duty is to protect the pt. The doctor ordered an anti seizure med for my pt IV, and he wants it be given over 10 minutes vs the normal 30-60. My pt is not an epileptic. He's an idiot. It is completely unsafe. My duty is to my pt. I am not doing this. I refuse, I am going to hold this med. What do you think? I am completely right aren't I?

Then why you try to find out more....the more irate, and the angrier the original party gets.

When in reality, American Headache Society recommends for intractable migraine Depacon over 10 minutes, and MD's who are board certified in migraine medicine have been prescribing like this for years. No amount of education or literature would change her mind. Eventually we had to change the assignment, and even then she threatened to report us all for "unsafe practice" and "trying to kill" the pt.

Bortaz, MSN, RN · Nov 10, 2011

I understand, I think after so many years in the health field you start getting more callosed because of all the BS that is out there. It doesn't make you a less caring person, just more realistic.

It ain't just a long career in nursing that makes one feel that way. I still smell like nursing school, and my tongue stays sore from biting it to stop myself from telling some people what fools they are.

allnurses Guide · Nov 10, 2011

What shocks me is all the people who've said they got demerits are those I consider to be among the most insightful and level-headed people here! Have to go ponder that one for a while.

I'm still working on the impulse responses. It's a process. I need to remember that.

That Guy, BSN, RN, EMT-B · Nov 10, 2011

Thats why you get a name like mine and say what you want.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Nov 10, 2011

another member of the demerit club here...it is rather disheartening to get that "private message" asking you to please cease and desist....or something like that...
i have reigned it in quite a bit over the last several months, i think i have officially become "over it"..now what i do, i am afraid, i just say, "what the heck" and apathetically walk away from the computer..................you can't cure (or help) stupid.

you can't cure stupid, but i keep thinking i'll maybe help some of the others who jump on in support of the op without really thinking it through.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Nov 10, 2011

what shocks me is all the people who've said they got demerits are those i consider to be among the most insightful and level-headed people here! have to go ponder that one for a while.
i'm still working on the impulse responses. it's a process. i need to remember that.

if you're truly insightful, or if you truly try to help someone, you're going to upset someone. especially if the someone you're trying to help doesn't really want help; just wants you to agree with her that "nurses hate me because i'm beautiful."

when i first joined here, i was excited every time i got the "private message" notice. now i just get that sinking feeling and will try to avoid reading it until i figure out which post of mine got reported. (sometimes it takes me so long to narrow it down that the "private message notice" seems to feel like part of the wallpaper and i forget about it until i get another one!)

JeneraterRN · Nov 10, 2011

more than once, i've been actually trying to help someone, and have been accused of "eating our young." in fact, one person said she'd chew off her arm before she'd have a preceptor like me. it's sad, really. there is someone who would rather be right than learn something.

i saw that one and was rooting for you. some people are entirely too sensitive.

JeneraterRN · Nov 10, 2011

I think many are not looking for help or opinions, they are looking for validation. The poster is unsure of their interventions, or perhaps the poster is being criticized for some interventions and now they are looking for validation that what they did was right. They feel all self righteous.
I've had a suspicion that many of these OP's have voiced these complaints to those around them, and didn't receive the validation they were looking for. They then turn to nurses that they believe would be a kind, compassionate lot on AN and leave out unsavory parts.

allnurses Guide · Nov 10, 2011

more than once, i've been actually trying to help someone, and have been accused of "eating our young." in fact, one person said she'd chew off her arm before she'd have a preceptor like me. it's sad, really. there is someone who would rather be right than learn something.

i want to correct this. again i said i would chew off my arm to have a preceptor like you. i have many times felt the forum students are lucky to have give-it-to-us-straight ruby vee.

there are a few of us around who appreciate the matter-of-fact feedback from the experienced nurses here who take the time to set us on the right path. i want to be an excellent nurse. i have gotten help here that has definitely affected how i see my role and how to go forward with confidence when doing the "right thing" gets challenged by doing the "easy thing" and the like.

i am grateful for those who do bother to temper whatever irritation/incredulity/hostility/exhaution/etc they feel when some of the newbies (like me) post questions. makes it easier to hear the actual message when not filtered through "what, are you stupid?" or "shame on you" skins. i have been lucky to be the recipient of that kind of guidance several times now. i figure the best i can do is go forward and be a credit to the profession with the mentoring i have gotten here.

i have nothing ugly to say about ruby vee.