As a pediatric nurse, you see a lot. Human nature at it’s rawest. Most caregivers are decent, but there are those that you encounter that just...just make you wonder why you are not in jail for slapping their face. I mean, some people...you just want to punch them in the face.
This article was written by a member of allnurses. Due to the delicate and emotionally charged nature of the article as well as details, the member wanted the topic posted anonymously. If other readers have articles they would like published anonymously, please contact allnurses.com.
My First Encounter As A Paramedic: Shaken Baby Syndrome
Let's start out with my first encounter with a parent. I was a paramedic (a newbie..a rookie..an innocent) called to a home of a 4 month old that rolled off of a couch. The baby is seizing and the father is talking about how he was making the baby a bottle. He was alone with the kid and the mom was at work. He claimed to put the baby on the couch and the baby rolled off the couch. A short couch...onto carpet. The story didn't add up. The baby seized the entire 30 minutes it took us to get to the nearest hospital, and then later died from massive head trauma. Shaken baby syndrome. That was some fall.
This was my induction into real life. I was out of my protective cocoon and my rose colored glasses cracked in the truth of real life. I have scraped children off of the highway who were unrestrained; I have whisked children out of homes that were besieged with fighting under the protection of cops; and I have taken children to the ED scared to be touched by anyone.
The pressure of being a paramedic became too much, so I chose a new profession...pediatric nursing! (insert snarkiness here).
My Many Encounters As A Pediatric Nurse
Mom Brought 13 Year Old to ED Both Afraid Of Dad
Mom did not have custody, and the dad was not happy the kid was in the ED. Dad, I am sure after meeting him, is in a gang. The cops were brought in, the mom asked to leave, the dad was cursing up a storm and I confronted him. "We will absolutely not tolerate that type of behavior in the hospital, in a CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL. If you don't sit down and be quiet, you will be escorted out." Nicer than a punch, and I kept my job.
I myself was escorted by security to my car after work....fearing what may await me.
15 Year Old On Life Support OD'd To See If Mom Loved Her
She did not want to die, she wrote me in a note when she was intubated, she just wanted to see if her mom cared. The child took a turn for the worst with multi-system organ failure. As we strived to make her comfortable and keep her body in a hypothermic state, the mom was mad at ME because the room was too cold. She tried to fire me from being her daughters nurse. This after she so nonchalantly said, "pull the plug". I stayed at the bedside and held her hand as she passed away, mom went to go eat.
13 Year Old Dying From HIV/AIDS
The dad wanting to be at her side, the step-mom wanting to go do stuff. The dad confided in me once, when he was irritated with his wife, that his daughter was never treated fairly by his wife. He wanted to bring his daughter home to hospice and wanted to redo her room - a makeover - just how she would have loved it. The wife would not hear of it, since the girl was 'gonna die anyway'. And she did, in the hospital room with nursing staff at her side.
18 Month Old Beaten By Mom's Boyfriend
The mother of an 18 month old who was beaten by the mom's boyfriend. The grandmother had unofficial custody since the day the child was born. She had unofficial custody of 3 of the children because the mom was always partying and never had time for the kids. When the family decided to remove the child from life support after the baby was declared to have brain death, the mother banned the grandmother from the room. That was the only time I did not let a parent help me bathe a patient after the patient died....and I gave them a time limit for grieving as well. The fact that the mother was holding her dead child and talking about going to Chili's and a movie later in the day sort of made up my mind, along with her acting like this was a party and yelling at her brother to "go get me a coke, hey, my baby just died and you need to be nice to me", and "hey, you know that **** was going to go get a new car today?" Absolutely no feeling at all about the loss of a child, but enough bitterness in her to block the one true person who cared for the baby from being at his side.
4 Year Old Who Was NPO For Surgery
As usual, the patient did not go to OR before lunch and she became fussy and..hungry...I walked past her room to hear her father yell at her to "Shut up!" as she was crying. I went in right away and she was reaching for his lunch. His McDonald's fries and burger he was munching down on. I absolutely kicked him out of the room (sans roundhouse kick to the face).
Absence Of Grief
I know that people deal with grief in unusual ways. I have seen grief, I have seen the absolute absence of grief, and I have seen those who pretend to have grief. For me, the people who have not one ounce of compassion for the child who most needs their love are the ones who I cannot and will not ever understand. I know that people don't think beyond their own needs, even when a child is crying and does not understand what is happening.
But it doesn't mean I agree with it, or have to like it.
As a nurse, the hardest part of my job is to not say and do what I really think and feel. Or I would have been in jail a LONG time ago.
What have you seen that makes you want to commit an assault?
Prayer helps a lot. It also helps to realize and accept that God is in charge ultimately. That has made it easier to let all people live their
roles - police, prosecutors, defenders, us nurses, docs, even the innocent victims. Doesn't mean I don't share your pain and anger, only that I have learned that there isn't always something I can do to change it, so I pray for the victims and the perpetrators and do my level best to give tender, loving, expert care.
With a lot of people I just have to figure they live what they were shown by whoever brought them up. They might very well have been maltreated themselves. And take the example you gave, OP, of the mother whose child just died and she was yelling and cursing at another child, I think you said, to be nice to her because her baby had just died. Imagine the lack of true love and value she must feel in her own existence. God alone knows why.
It helps to believe in Heaven and that these innocents, these precious, defenseless angels will be so happy up there. Why do we have to pass through this earthly existence first? I don't know but have learned to accept that we just don't get all of the answers in this realm.
Don't judge a book by its cover. Try to accept that each of us is going to show pain, grief, fear, and other emotions differently. We aren't all going to cry or scream or tear our hair out or be grateful to staff. That doesn't mean each person isn't dying a thousand deaths inside, punishing ourselves for not doing more or better, etc.
You don't have to avenge wrongs. Leave that to God, who promises that He will repay. His timing and His ways are just different than ours. Give excellent care while you can. That is, apparently, your calling, at least for now. Perhaps you are being led to a career in law enforcement, law, or social work. Whatever the case, I wish you all the best. Thank you for being one of the good guys.
Another thought - try journaling, keep coming back here to vent. Look into volunteering with CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate for kids in foster care). As others have suggested, learn to compartmentalize. God bless you.
This is why abortion should always be legal AND easily accessible (both financially and location-wise) for everyone! The next time you see protesters with their stupid picket lines outside an abortion clinic or some jackass Republican talking about defunding Planned Parenthood, make the connection! Unnecessary requirements/ restrictions on abortion designed to make them less easily accessible, high prices that low-income people can't always afford/ services not covered by health insurance, and lack of local abortion clinics in many areas of the US is forcing people to be parents to unwanted kids and that is only going to create more abused kids.
Keep doing what you do for as long as you do it. You are the sane one in an insane world. Glad you aren't in jail. You wouldn't do the kids any good there.
I think we have all seen that absence of love that should be there. It is beyond infuriating and brings about a whole host of emotions including anger, sadness, and hopelessness. Thank you to the author of this article. It is important to share our experiences with each other whether they are triumphs, fails, or a futile situation. We understand. We have been there. We are just as exasperated by these things. We cannot fix everyone's problems, but sometimes simply listening to them can be enough.
Thanks for sharing this. I'm sure we've all had some sort of these feelings at one time or another.
I've worked in family medicine for 6 years and has recently transferred to pediatrics department. Texas worst I've seen is an xray of a 10wk old baby with multiple fractures at different healing stages. Almost every single rib has been broken more than once. It made me so sad, I wanted to take the baby from them. I dit understand how anyone could hurt a child so innocent the like that.
When I saw the parents, I felt bad for the them too. Now I never found out if it was the parents that hurt the baby as when the doctor told the dad he started crying and said his mom used to beat him as a kid and he's afraid his mom is beating his baby. I dont know if that's all true or not but the baby was taken away by paramedics to be admitted to the hospital and was later taken by social services.
In my short nursing career, I have seen both adults and children abused by family members. It's sad that in reality it is those around a person that hurts him/her the most. And even though nursing has some very depressing situations, there are also happy endings that make this career so rewarding.
I have recently seen a 6 month old baby who was brought in my foster dad and just watching the dad interact with the baby restores my belief in humanity
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kbrn2002, ADN, RN
3,967 Posts
This article is exactly why I know I could not ever work with children. So heartbreaking. Thank you to all the caregivers that do this every day.