I Should Be in Jail

[allnurses]

This article was written by a member of allnurses. Due to the delicate and emotionally charged nature of the article as well as details, the member wanted the topic posted anonymously. If other readers have articles they would like published anonymously, please contact allnurses.com.

My First Encounter As A Paramedic: Shaken Baby Syndrome

Let's start out with my first encounter with a parent. I was a paramedic (a newbie..a rookie..an innocent) called to a home of a 4 month old that rolled off of a couch. The baby is seizing and the father is talking about how he was making the baby a bottle. He was alone with the kid and the mom was at work. He claimed to put the baby on the couch and the baby rolled off the couch. A short couch...onto carpet. The story didn't add up. The baby seized the entire 30 minutes it took us to get to the nearest hospital, and then later died from massive head trauma. Shaken baby syndrome. That was some fall.

This was my induction into real life. I was out of my protective cocoon and my rose colored glasses cracked in the truth of real life. I have scraped children off of the highway who were unrestrained; I have whisked children out of homes that were besieged with fighting under the protection of cops; and I have taken children to the ED scared to be touched by anyone.

The pressure of being a paramedic became too much, so I chose a new profession...pediatric nursing! (insert snarkiness here).

My Many Encounters As A Pediatric Nurse

Mom Brought 13 Year Old to ED Both Afraid Of Dad

Mom did not have custody, and the dad was not happy the kid was in the ED. Dad, I am sure after meeting him, is in a gang. The cops were brought in, the mom asked to leave, the dad was cursing up a storm and I confronted him. "We will absolutely not tolerate that type of behavior in the hospital, in a CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL. If you don't sit down and be quiet, you will be escorted out." Nicer than a punch, and I kept my job.

I myself was escorted by security to my car after work....fearing what may await me.

15 Year Old On Life Support OD'd To See If Mom Loved Her

She did not want to die, she wrote me in a note when she was intubated, she just wanted to see if her mom cared. The child took a turn for the worst with multi-system organ failure. As we strived to make her comfortable and keep her body in a hypothermic state, the mom was mad at ME because the room was too cold. She tried to fire me from being her daughters nurse. This after she so nonchalantly said, "pull the plug". I stayed at the bedside and held her hand as she passed away, mom went to go eat.

13 Year Old Dying From HIV/AIDS

The dad wanting to be at her side, the step-mom wanting to go do stuff. The dad confided in me once, when he was irritated with his wife, that his daughter was never treated fairly by his wife. He wanted to bring his daughter home to hospice and wanted to redo her room - a makeover - just how she would have loved it. The wife would not hear of it, since the girl was 'gonna die anyway'. And she did, in the hospital room with nursing staff at her side.

18 Month Old Beaten By Mom's Boyfriend

The mother of an 18 month old who was beaten by the mom's boyfriend. The grandmother had unofficial custody since the day the child was born. She had unofficial custody of 3 of the children because the mom was always partying and never had time for the kids. When the family decided to remove the child from life support after the baby was declared to have brain death, the mother banned the grandmother from the room. That was the only time I did not let a parent help me bathe a patient after the patient died....and I gave them a time limit for grieving as well. The fact that the mother was holding her dead child and talking about going to Chili's and a movie later in the day sort of made up my mind, along with her acting like this was a party and yelling at her brother to "go get me a coke, hey, my baby just died and you need to be nice to me", and "hey, you know that **** was going to go get a new car today?" Absolutely no feeling at all about the loss of a child, but enough bitterness in her to block the one true person who cared for the baby from being at his side.

4 Year Old Who Was NPO For Surgery

As usual, the patient did not go to OR before lunch and she became fussy and..hungry...I walked past her room to hear her father yell at her to "Shut up!" as she was crying. I went in right away and she was reaching for his lunch. His McDonald's fries and burger he was munching down on. I absolutely kicked him out of the room (sans roundhouse kick to the face).

Absence Of Grief

I know that people deal with grief in unusual ways. I have seen grief, I have seen the absolute absence of grief, and I have seen those who pretend to have grief. For me, the people who have not one ounce of compassion for the child who most needs their love are the ones who I cannot and will not ever understand. I know that people don't think beyond their own needs, even when a child is crying and does not understand what is happening.

But it doesn't mean I agree with it, or have to like it.

As a nurse, the hardest part of my job is to not say and do what I really think and feel. Or I would have been in jail a LONG time ago.

What have you seen that makes you want to commit an assault?

[guest52816]

Some people are simply not meant to be parents. Unfortunately, our society places a high value on men and women having children, whether they want to or not.

I have no children. Never wanted them. I am often asked if I am married and if I have kids. When I say no, I never wanted children, people look at me like I am a freak.

But I am somebody who actually understands the commitment involved with being a parent, and knew it was something I didn't want. I love kids. But also knew I didn't want the commitment.

I always say that kids need to fear their caregivers the most.

[KelRN215, BSN, RN]

Lil Nel said:

Some people are simply not meant to be parents. Unfortunately, our society places a high value on men and women having children, whether they want to or not.

I have no children. Never wanted them. I am often asked if I am married and if I have kids. When I say no, I never wanted children, people look at me like I am a freak.

But I am somebody who actually understands the commitment involved with being a parent, and knew it was something I didn't want. I love kids. But also knew I didn't want the commitment.

I always say that kids need to fear their caregivers the most.

I'm a pediatric nurse of 11 years who does not want children. You can probably imagine the looks I get when I say that.

[twinmommy+2, ADN, BSN, MSN]

Family members who berate a teenage sexual assault victim.

Family members that are too high to realize that their elderly loved one is cold and has no warm weather clothes and probably lives in filth.

Coworkers who talk behind others backs like they are not heard every day.

Hospice patients near death removed from their bed, placed on a cold ER gurney, so that we can poke them and prod them and place a foley cath for a likely result of their disease course, for which they died from a week later.

[Dragonnurse1, ASN, RN]

I too had a Munchhausen's by proxy but here I was able to call child services immediately and the child was removed from the mother.

A 3 yo that called me a M*****F***** and his mother thought it was the funniest thing she ever heard. I was trying to numb his lip for sutures. The PA sutured him without numbing.

A 13 yo that was shot in the head because he would not give up a 25 cent bag of potato chips.

A 15 yo frequent overdose attempt but after his 3rd round I knew his grandmother as she was my Mom's hairdresser and his other grandmother worked upstairs in our hospital. His language directed at his father could make a sailor blush and he tried to leave the ER. Yeah his head got pinned to the bed as he was told his butt was mine. I had called his grandmother down and she was glad I did what I did. The child never made another attempt again and finally turned out OK.

The 11 yo that had been discharged from a Children's Hospital earlier that day post cardiac shunt and while driving home the shunt tore loose. The parents accused us of not doing our best because they were Hindu's.

There were others but not related to the family For me it was mostly teenagers between 13 and 19 that pressed my buttons.

All children are hard when they are in the ER and as nurses it hurts to see them hurt or be hurt.

[Nipper48]

The only times I ever wanted to assault anyone is when I was hit - either the patients were waking up from anesthesia, they were on drugs and incoherent, or they were psychotic. I too have been cussed at, called names, spit on, fired from the case for doing the right thing that annoyed someone, and seen patients' friends and family that were pure plain evil. The worst for me were the patients so very alone. I learned from a mentor early on, outrage and anger only wears you down.... you have to take that energy and channel it back into your care. I also learned to cry, work out, pray and simply scream or cuss like a sailor in the car.

I did get verbally abusive once on the phone when about 2am I called a mother to tell her her son had been shot, was going to surgery and was asking for her (he was dying). She told me he was just no good and she needed to get her sleep - I could hear the party in the background. I said a lot of things in one breathless sentence. She just hung up. I said a few more choice words. I looked up and our trauma attending, who was a bit of a drill sergeant and stickler for protocol, just looked at me and said, "I could not have said that better myself." Then we proceeded to get to the OR.

[organichombre, ADN, BSN, MSN, LPN, RN]

Occasionally I have students who want to be pediatric nurses. Most often I get regular med/surg types because that is my MO. When I get those students I pay particular attention to them when we discuss various ethical issues related to adults and children. And on thing I have noticed is that if they tell me from day one that's where they are drawn to, you can bet that by quarter end they are still there. Pediatric/neonatal nurses, I feel are the rarest of the rare. God bless you all.

[Nunya, BSN]

On 1/8/2016 at 2:56 PM, meanmaryjean said:

Wonderful article. I am in the throes of one of these 'situations' right now- and I want to hurt someone. I won't of course, but am hoping and praying I get called to court when they go on trial to tell the jury what I saw and heard.

If you can find out who the prosecuting lawyer is, probably sometime from the DA office, you can go to them and tell them what you saw. If your words will help their case you'll go to court. ?

[suburbancat]

I once wanted to be a pedi nurse, then I did my clinical rotation through the local children's ward. I quickly changed my mind. I could not handle this. I love children with all my heart and it breaks mine to them suffering.