As a pediatric nurse, you see a lot. Human nature at it’s rawest. Most caregivers are decent, but there are those that you encounter that just...just make you wonder why you are not in jail for slapping their face. I mean, some people...you just want to punch them in the face.
This article was written by a member of allnurses. Due to the delicate and emotionally charged nature of the article as well as details, the member wanted the topic posted anonymously. If other readers have articles they would like published anonymously, please contact allnurses.com.
My First Encounter As A Paramedic: Shaken Baby Syndrome
Let's start out with my first encounter with a parent. I was a paramedic (a newbie..a rookie..an innocent) called to a home of a 4 month old that rolled off of a couch. The baby is seizing and the father is talking about how he was making the baby a bottle. He was alone with the kid and the mom was at work. He claimed to put the baby on the couch and the baby rolled off the couch. A short couch...onto carpet. The story didn't add up. The baby seized the entire 30 minutes it took us to get to the nearest hospital, and then later died from massive head trauma. Shaken baby syndrome. That was some fall.
This was my induction into real life. I was out of my protective cocoon and my rose colored glasses cracked in the truth of real life. I have scraped children off of the highway who were unrestrained; I have whisked children out of homes that were besieged with fighting under the protection of cops; and I have taken children to the ED scared to be touched by anyone.
The pressure of being a paramedic became too much, so I chose a new profession...pediatric nursing! (insert snarkiness here).
My Many Encounters As A Pediatric Nurse
Mom Brought 13 Year Old to ED Both Afraid Of Dad
Mom did not have custody, and the dad was not happy the kid was in the ED. Dad, I am sure after meeting him, is in a gang. The cops were brought in, the mom asked to leave, the dad was cursing up a storm and I confronted him. "We will absolutely not tolerate that type of behavior in the hospital, in a CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL. If you don't sit down and be quiet, you will be escorted out." Nicer than a punch, and I kept my job.
I myself was escorted by security to my car after work....fearing what may await me.
15 Year Old On Life Support OD'd To See If Mom Loved Her
She did not want to die, she wrote me in a note when she was intubated, she just wanted to see if her mom cared. The child took a turn for the worst with multi-system organ failure. As we strived to make her comfortable and keep her body in a hypothermic state, the mom was mad at ME because the room was too cold. She tried to fire me from being her daughters nurse. This after she so nonchalantly said, "pull the plug". I stayed at the bedside and held her hand as she passed away, mom went to go eat.
13 Year Old Dying From HIV/AIDS
The dad wanting to be at her side, the step-mom wanting to go do stuff. The dad confided in me once, when he was irritated with his wife, that his daughter was never treated fairly by his wife. He wanted to bring his daughter home to hospice and wanted to redo her room - a makeover - just how she would have loved it. The wife would not hear of it, since the girl was 'gonna die anyway'. And she did, in the hospital room with nursing staff at her side.
18 Month Old Beaten By Mom's Boyfriend
The mother of an 18 month old who was beaten by the mom's boyfriend. The grandmother had unofficial custody since the day the child was born. She had unofficial custody of 3 of the children because the mom was always partying and never had time for the kids. When the family decided to remove the child from life support after the baby was declared to have brain death, the mother banned the grandmother from the room. That was the only time I did not let a parent help me bathe a patient after the patient died....and I gave them a time limit for grieving as well. The fact that the mother was holding her dead child and talking about going to Chili's and a movie later in the day sort of made up my mind, along with her acting like this was a party and yelling at her brother to "go get me a coke, hey, my baby just died and you need to be nice to me", and "hey, you know that **** was going to go get a new car today?" Absolutely no feeling at all about the loss of a child, but enough bitterness in her to block the one true person who cared for the baby from being at his side.
4 Year Old Who Was NPO For Surgery
As usual, the patient did not go to OR before lunch and she became fussy and..hungry...I walked past her room to hear her father yell at her to "Shut up!" as she was crying. I went in right away and she was reaching for his lunch. His McDonald's fries and burger he was munching down on. I absolutely kicked him out of the room (sans roundhouse kick to the face).
Absence Of Grief
I know that people deal with grief in unusual ways. I have seen grief, I have seen the absolute absence of grief, and I have seen those who pretend to have grief. For me, the people who have not one ounce of compassion for the child who most needs their love are the ones who I cannot and will not ever understand. I know that people don't think beyond their own needs, even when a child is crying and does not understand what is happening.
But it doesn't mean I agree with it, or have to like it.
As a nurse, the hardest part of my job is to not say and do what I really think and feel. Or I would have been in jail a LONG time ago.
What have you seen that makes you want to commit an assault?
Thank you for this post. I usually just read, but I needed to thank you. I'm dealing with some situations right now and this article posted to my email at exactly when I needed to see it.
This is why abortion should always be legal AND easily accessible (both financially and location-wise) for everyone! The next time you see protesters with their stupid picket lines outside an abortion clinic or some jackass Republican talking about defunding Planned Parenthood, make the connection! Unnecessary requirements/ restrictions on abortion designed to make them less easily accessible, high prices that low-income people can't always afford/ services not covered by health insurance, and lack of local abortion clinics in many areas of the US is forcing people to be parents to unwanted kids and that is only going to create more abused kids.
Woah! I totally disagree with you, but this article isn't about that.
Specializes in Med-surg, telemetry, critical care..
Yes, in so many cases we ARE all they have. I can bet that these Crack addicts didn't want ANOTHER baby, but didn't have access to birth control or abortion. Nurses, please, take a break from your busy shifts and VOTE!
WHEN I WAS WORKING I MADE IT A HABIT TO VOTE EARLY. You all can do it. You know what's at stake.
Yes, in so many cases we ARE all they have. I can bet that these Crack addicts didn't want ANOTHER baby, but didn't have access to birth control or abortion. Nurses, please, take a break from your busy shifts and VOTE!
WHEN I WAS WORKING I MADE IT A HABIT TO VOTE EARLY. You all can do it. You know what's at stake.
Specializes in Med-surg, telemetry, critical care..
Roy Hanson said:
welcome to the real world. Similar to some people are career welfare people, or career criminals..all learned from their parents.
This is why we need to support public education, after school programs and mentoring for as many children as we can. It really does take a village, fellow nurses. You see it first hand.
I am not a peds nurse, but have worked with many newborns and seen many moms and dads who would have done the world and their children a huge favour by being sterilised.
Your story reminded me of so many of my patients. There was the mom who was told to choose between her abusive BF and the baby who went to another hospital to the NICU. of course, she accompanied the boyfriend home. After all, he was hungry and she was kind of too tired to drive 20 miles away to go see the baby at the other hospital.
One of the last patients I took care of when I was doing direct care was a borderline IQ woman whose family was raising the other three kids she'd had prior to age 21. This wonderful older boyfriend has just finished 5 years in prison before he did us all a favour by impregnating this young lady. He was quite obnoxious. I called security and had him thrown out for swearing loudly at 0600. He fractured the infant's skull when she was about a month old. While the child was hospitalized and prior to him being charged, the guy was in our ED for injuries sustained in a bar fight with his lovely young girlfriend by his side. He had the fight because he was so distraught about the baby being in the hospital. I am sure that was entirely true!
Most parents are good people who want the best for their children. We do a very poor job of intervening on a child's behalf. Our system worries for too much about parental rights and instead violate the child's rights and the public trust by constantly putting children in harm's way.
A girl who got pregnant at 17 and got stuck there developmentally, later had another child with significant medical issues. The oldest was the collateral damage, always. Before the second child and more so after....so sad.
She does not like this child, and is never affectionate or caring. The child would be better without her.
I am a pediatric nurse and have been the majority of my (30 years) career. I also had the task of reviewing reports of children who had "alleged" abuse, after reading the report you know it is blatant abuse, but have to say "alleged" due to the "innocent until proven guilty" clause. I have read many cases that put the fire in my eyes and crying the whole time I am writing the report hoping my report is complete enough for 1) the child to have a safe home to go to and 2) for the court to see (in writing) what the child appeared as in the ER and PICU. I did this for 8 year before I had to move to another position.
When I did floor pediatrics the pain of having a child asking for the mother or father not to visit was heart breaking when you know legally you cannot deny the visit, even though the legal authority has been called in. The legal system needs to be more stick on child abusers. I know cases where the convicted abuser got maybe about 5 years in jail then released when the child has a life time of illness (both physical and psychological) to overcome. I have seen too many cases where the parents (term used loosely) who have opted out of parental rights as to avoid legal penalty. I have a soap box of what should be done, that the male and/or female (convicted abuser) should no longer have rights to have a child and mandatory sterilization should be done. Then when THEY can afford the reversal, THEY pay for the reversal themselves then they may have additional children.
The child abuse laws need to be made stricter and there needs to be a provision in place that stops the habitual abuse. Too many times I have seen the court place the child back into the home, only to be abused again, or the system is so overloaded and the laws so open (holes) that to remove is very difficult. I have also witnessed many cases dropped for child abuse and plea bargain for other legal outstanding actions so the perpetrator does not have to go to jail with "child abuse" on their record. This needs to stop as well.
I had a veterinarian inform me once the child abuse laws only came about due to the animal cruelty law, not sure how true this is, but it is a shame when to injure/kill an animal is a felony and for a child is only a misdemeanor.
A girl who got pregnant at 17 and got stuck there developmentally, later had another child with significant medical issues. The oldest was the collateral damage, always. Before the second child and more so after....so sad.
She does not like this child, and is never affectionate or caring. The child would be better without her.
What exactly does it mean that she was stuck there developmentally? That's interesting I've not heard of that.
quickkarma, BSN
25 Posts
Thank you for this post. I usually just read, but I needed to thank you. I'm dealing with some situations right now and this article posted to my email at exactly when I needed to see it.