I Should Be in Jail

[allnurses]

This article was written by a member of allnurses. Due to the delicate and emotionally charged nature of the article as well as details, the member wanted the topic posted anonymously. If other readers have articles they would like published anonymously, please contact allnurses.com.

My First Encounter As A Paramedic: Shaken Baby Syndrome

Let's start out with my first encounter with a parent. I was a paramedic (a newbie..a rookie..an innocent) called to a home of a 4 month old that rolled off of a couch. The baby is seizing and the father is talking about how he was making the baby a bottle. He was alone with the kid and the mom was at work. He claimed to put the baby on the couch and the baby rolled off the couch. A short couch...onto carpet. The story didn't add up. The baby seized the entire 30 minutes it took us to get to the nearest hospital, and then later died from massive head trauma. Shaken baby syndrome. That was some fall.

This was my induction into real life. I was out of my protective cocoon and my rose colored glasses cracked in the truth of real life. I have scraped children off of the highway who were unrestrained; I have whisked children out of homes that were besieged with fighting under the protection of cops; and I have taken children to the ED scared to be touched by anyone.

The pressure of being a paramedic became too much, so I chose a new profession...pediatric nursing! (insert snarkiness here).

My Many Encounters As A Pediatric Nurse

Mom Brought 13 Year Old to ED Both Afraid Of Dad

Mom did not have custody, and the dad was not happy the kid was in the ED. Dad, I am sure after meeting him, is in a gang. The cops were brought in, the mom asked to leave, the dad was cursing up a storm and I confronted him. "We will absolutely not tolerate that type of behavior in the hospital, in a CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL. If you don't sit down and be quiet, you will be escorted out." Nicer than a punch, and I kept my job.

I myself was escorted by security to my car after work....fearing what may await me.

15 Year Old On Life Support OD'd To See If Mom Loved Her

She did not want to die, she wrote me in a note when she was intubated, she just wanted to see if her mom cared. The child took a turn for the worst with multi-system organ failure. As we strived to make her comfortable and keep her body in a hypothermic state, the mom was mad at ME because the room was too cold. She tried to fire me from being her daughters nurse. This after she so nonchalantly said, "pull the plug". I stayed at the bedside and held her hand as she passed away, mom went to go eat.

13 Year Old Dying From HIV/AIDS

The dad wanting to be at her side, the step-mom wanting to go do stuff. The dad confided in me once, when he was irritated with his wife, that his daughter was never treated fairly by his wife. He wanted to bring his daughter home to hospice and wanted to redo her room - a makeover - just how she would have loved it. The wife would not hear of it, since the girl was 'gonna die anyway'. And she did, in the hospital room with nursing staff at her side.

18 Month Old Beaten By Mom's Boyfriend

The mother of an 18 month old who was beaten by the mom's boyfriend. The grandmother had unofficial custody since the day the child was born. She had unofficial custody of 3 of the children because the mom was always partying and never had time for the kids. When the family decided to remove the child from life support after the baby was declared to have brain death, the mother banned the grandmother from the room. That was the only time I did not let a parent help me bathe a patient after the patient died....and I gave them a time limit for grieving as well. The fact that the mother was holding her dead child and talking about going to Chili's and a movie later in the day sort of made up my mind, along with her acting like this was a party and yelling at her brother to "go get me a coke, hey, my baby just died and you need to be nice to me", and "hey, you know that **** was going to go get a new car today?" Absolutely no feeling at all about the loss of a child, but enough bitterness in her to block the one true person who cared for the baby from being at his side.

4 Year Old Who Was NPO For Surgery

As usual, the patient did not go to OR before lunch and she became fussy and..hungry...I walked past her room to hear her father yell at her to "Shut up!" as she was crying. I went in right away and she was reaching for his lunch. His McDonald's fries and burger he was munching down on. I absolutely kicked him out of the room (sans roundhouse kick to the face).

Absence Of Grief

I know that people deal with grief in unusual ways. I have seen grief, I have seen the absolute absence of grief, and I have seen those who pretend to have grief. For me, the people who have not one ounce of compassion for the child who most needs their love are the ones who I cannot and will not ever understand. I know that people don't think beyond their own needs, even when a child is crying and does not understand what is happening.

But it doesn't mean I agree with it, or have to like it.

As a nurse, the hardest part of my job is to not say and do what I really think and feel. Or I would have been in jail a LONG time ago.

What have you seen that makes you want to commit an assault?

[Here.I.Stand, BSN, RN]

And yes, I'm judging

[offlabel]

Very well written, poignant. Insightful. The last line was anti climactic though. This piece doesn't reduce to me thinking about when I may have been provoked to violence or even the self control of the author. It's about us getting in between the innocent and the terminally narcissistic and persevering on the patient's behalf.

[Nursejoy42]

Thank you for sharing such heartfelt, honest and professional experiences. I have always been in adult nursing, med surg, acute geriatrics, rehab, nurse management, my specialty is in neurology and I currently work in administration as a director of nursing. I read your article because the title reaches out and grabs the reader. I am looking forward to a position in case management for children in an impoverished community. The nurses have shared their experiences and it is hugely different and ethically more difficult than any adult care experiences. I had an awesome medical ethics professor and classes that prepared me for just about anything but nothing as truthful as what other nurses share. Thank you!

[CBlover, BSN, RN]

Here.I.Stand said:

And yes, I'm judging

ME TOO.

[Roy Hanson]

welcome to the real world. Similar to some people are career welfare people, or career criminals..all learned from their parents.

[martham]

OMG that made me cry.....

[LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN]

The article is spot on...I've been in Peds for ten years as well as other specialities where I have seen people in the most gutter down trodden perverse situations; I have seen children scream with piercing cries as they have auditory hallucinations to kill others and kill themselves; kids drinking and drugging at 10, parents who have drug problems and under the influence while their child has to undergo a forensic exam for sexual assault, in addition to what the OP has stated and MORE.

I didn't have rose colored glasses going in to healthcare; I am entering my 16th year and this is all I know-maybe it is due to having my own style of setting limits and being aggressively assertive and more that managing the populace that I have had results in managing my emotions most of my career; I will had there are days where I'm not for it, and will be snippy snarky and just downright irritable, and those days I am gentle to myself. Most of the time compartmentalizing, humor, and meditation works for me.

I recall a moment where I want to punch a parent, and I occasionally see this parent because they work somewhere public enough that I see them.

This was a home care client of mine-a trach/vent kid; pt would purposefully pull out trach and vent to gain attention due to the parents would only visit once a day and hardly would come around, the pt knew the nurses more; the pt's grand mom and sibling had a great relationship, but when they weren't around or if the nurse would leave the room longer than the pt saw fit, pull out trach, vent, or trach/vent!

So one day, there was no coverage; the one of the parents stayed in the room until they thought the kid was sleeping, and went upstairs and went to sleep; pt was found dead in the morning and called 911, was declared dead; apparently according to the coroner, the kid pulled off the tube 30 mins after the parent left and died soon after.

[LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN]

kybc said:

Thank you for your story. In my 37 years of nursing, I have had my share of opportunities to be put in jail also. I have bit my tongue and held my hands more times than I care to count. I think the elderly are abused about as much as kids. Several of my friends that work in different professions have told me "You have the hardest job in the world". Some days I believe them.

Bold mine-they are, because both populations are vulnerable and rely on other to have their basic needs fulfilled; I have seen family members try to steal money, and some residents have endure financial, physical, emotional and sexual abuse and need to have legal POAs in my stunt in LTC...it can be just as trying and frustrating; we manage people who are broken, have poor coping skills and questionable life skills and corrupted emotional maturity.

[kalycat, BSN, RN]

LadyFree28 said:

The article is spot on...I've been in Peds for ten years as well as other specialities where I have seen people in the most gutter down trodden perverse situations; I have seen children scream with piercing cries as they have auditory hallucinations to kill others and kill themselves; kids drinking and drugging at 10, parents who have drug problems and under the influence while their child has to undergo a forensic exam for sexual assault, in addition to what the OP has stated and MORE.

I didn't have rose colored glasses going in to healthcare; I am entering my 16th year and this is all I know-maybe it is due to having my own style of setting limits and being aggressively assertive and more that managing the populace that I have had results in managing my emotions most of my career; I will had there are days where I'm not for it, and will be snippy snarky and just downright irritable, and those days I am gentle to myself. Most of the time compartmentalizing, humor, and meditation works for me.

I recall a moment where I want to punch a parent, and I occasionally see this parent because they work somewhere public enough that I see them.

This was a home care client of mine-a trach/vent kid; pt would purposefully pull out trach and vent to gain attention due to the parents would only visit once a day and hardly would come around, the pt knew the nurses more; the pt's grand mom and sibling had a great relationship, but when they weren't around or if the nurse would leave the room longer than the pt saw fit, pull out trach, vent, or trach/vent!

So one day, there was no coverage; the one of the parents stayed in the room until they thought the kid was sleeping, and went upstairs and went to sleep; pt was found dead in the morning and called 911, was declared dead; apparently according to the coroner, the kid pulled off the tube 30 mins after the parent left and died soon after.

Yeah. This. I can relate - and I too am aggressively assertive. Trying to dial it back a bit for my current role. Meditation is key for me. I've been slacking and I know it.

This story sucks. I wanted to acknowledge the telling but just couldn't "like" it. Much support to you - I always enjoy your posts and admire your strength (in several realms) so very much.

[NotReady4PrimeTime, RN]

I had been working in PICU for about 3 weeks and was still on orientation when I had my first murderous thoughts. As a self-directed learner I had asked to be allowed to help a nurse readmit her patient after surgery and was given the go-ahead. The baby was about 8 months old and had a ruptured stomach; the surgeon later said the only way the injury could have happened was if she was kicked or stomped on. Fast-forward: the baby was wheeled back onto the unit and I was helping with getting her settled and back on our monitors. I went to put a diaper on her and a rectal temperature probe in so we could monitor her closely for sepsis. When I parted her little buttocks to slip the probe in, I discovered that her rectum was torn completely through to her lady parts. I was absolutely sickened. When I reported what I found I was told that because the child had multiple caregivers there was virtually no chance the perpetrator would ever be identified. She died later that night and some monster got away with crimes so heinous I still feel sick about it 18 years later.

Another tragic patient was a child about the same age who lived in a remote community where they had no running water. This youngster had been put in one of those wheeled baby walkers that were removed from the market back in the 80s. He was proficient at propelling himself around in it and had figured out how to climb up on the little table part in the front. He managed to fall head first into a 5 gallon pail of raw sewage. To call it an accident is inaccurate; it could have been prevented with a few common-sense actions... He became the first child to die while in my care and I'll never forget him.

Over the years there have been others... a 2 year old who weighed 13 pounds on admission following an out-of-hospital cardiac arrest secondary to severe head trauma. A 15 year old who had been raped by her uncle and became pregnant, who then attempted suicide by Tylenol overdose; she aborted her fetus on our unit and subsequently required a liver transplant. Three 9-month old girls who had been shaken by their father figures and died within days of each other. A 16 year old who OD'd on her mother's illicit pharmaceuticals who was then raped and thrown out of a moving vehicle. A 6 year old who was raped, beaten and left for dead in a snowbank. 3 small children who died from smoke inhalation following a house fire after their father had taken the batteries out of the smoke detector to put in his Game Boy. I've learned over the years to compartmentalize and to leave it at work as much as possible. It's hard not to become emotionally wrecked though.

[Tenebrae, BSN, RN]

I remember as a student on paediatrics. I had this beautiful wee mite who was having to have regular suctioning to clear heavy secretions. This wee mite didnt cry, or struggle just lay there and looked at us with these big eyes. What the hell happens to a kid of a year old when they dont protest or make a sound during a procedure which had bigger kids almost beside themselves when it had to be done

[RobotNurse]

This is why abortion should always be legal AND easily accessible (both financially and location-wise) for everyone! The next time you see protesters with their stupid picket lines outside an abortion clinic or some jackass Republican talking about defunding Planned Parenthood, make the connection! Unnecessary requirements/ restrictions on abortion designed to make them less easily accessible, high prices that low-income people can't always afford/ services not covered by health insurance, and lack of local abortion clinics in many areas of the US is forcing people to be parents to unwanted kids and that is only going to create more abused kids.