Husbands not happy about nursing school- potential jealousy?

Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN · Feb 28, 2006

Whether or not you go to school, he needs to get over his own insecurity.

careerswap · Feb 28, 2006

I had the same problem years ago with my ex-husband. He was very jealous when I returned to school and it eventually lead to violence on his part. That is why he is an EX.

My current husband is very supportive of my return to school to become a nurse.

I am glad that your husband seems to have come to his senses.

DSplendid · Feb 28, 2006

lol.....your not alone, and neither is your husband.

My husband was never negative, but did get weird once clinicals started and even worse once I took a nurse intern position. Come to find out his friends joked with him, that I would meet some doctor and leave. (nice friends)

Solution...a nice dinner, some wine, and open communication. Assure him that all though the next 2 years will be bumpy, you will need each other to get through, which will only make your love stronger. Running off with doctors, could happen, just as running away with the manager at Mcdonalds, could happen. Tell him, your relationship thus far, has been based on love and trust, so why should school change that now. The love you have for each other, is either there or not, working among other males shouldn't change that. Tell him the struggle your about to take on, will only make you love and appreciate him more. Good luck, but make sure to address any underlying issues now, you don't want to deal with it during classes....

HeartsOpenWide, RN · Mar 1, 2006

You are not alone. For two years straight (although I wanted to go back to school for some time even longer) I was depressed that my husband would not let me go back to school. Money should not have been the issue because my grandmother had already offered to virtually pay for my school. But, my husband said we could not afford for me to not work, and a lot of the classes I needed to take did not allow me to work at my job which was 9-5 M-F. My husband came from a family were his mother got pregnant six months after they got married, had no education other than high school. He had this idea that I was to work until we had kids and that was that. I come from a family that has been to college. I have teachers, veterinarians, pharmacists, electricians, etc, in my family. After my husband got a new job and a $8.00 raise I put my foot down. At the time I was only making 8.47 as a medical assistant, so .47 more cents an hour a month was not an excuse for me to not go for my dreams. It was weird though. I told my husband, I really wanted to go to school and there was no reason I shouldn't be able to, and he was like "OK." as easy as that. We spoke, and he told me he wanted to go to school and have to work (although I did agree to work when ever I was not in school like summer, and I am working now that I only have to take two classes) I cried when he agreed that I could go to school.

I think he may have realized how important it was for me. And since I have gone back to school our marriage has improved. I am no longer depressed, and even though I am human and get crabby from time to time, have a much more pleasantness about me.

Hang in there, hopefully he will come around. Contrary to popular belief, not many doctors fall in love with their nurses and have affairs on a regular basis. ( although I am sure it does happen)

kjwalley · Mar 1, 2006

lol....i think every woman who is married goes through this. however , my ex husband was very upset about me returning to school ,which led to many nights of fights and arguements hence the reason he is an ex...... however my husband now is very supportive nad understanding ,he will even take the time and try to help me study when he is gone. its a whole trust thing for instance my husband is gone more than he is home so if we didnt have that trust between each other we still wouldnt be as happy as we were the day we got married

tencat · Mar 1, 2006

My hubby has been really supportive. It's funny, but for me nursing school is kind of a forge where a new part of myself is being made. I'm still me, but there's a new dimension to myself. My husband has kind of been baffled by that, and sometimes he feels insecure, but we've found that talking it out has helped us keep on track together.

DarciaMoonz, LPN · Mar 1, 2006

I went through the same. Once my then boyfriend/baby's daddy, found out that I got excepted into nursing school, he would not talk to me. Nagged about little things, and just was unsupportive. He started leaving the house and wouldn't come back until 2-3 days later, throwing away my work, complaining that I don't cook as much or do all of the other things that he says a woman is "supposed" to do. I talked to some of his "friends" and they said that he was telling them that I was going to leave him after I finished and that he didn't like the idea of me getting paid more than him. And basically for the past year, he has tried everything he could in his power to keep me from completing the program. I was dependent on him finanacially so I tolerated it for a while, but I have since kicked him to the curve. I have one child, and don't feel like I am obligated to reraise a 36 y.o. baby. Just tell him to get over it. Good luck.

carolinapooh, BSN, RN · Mar 1, 2006

Ooo, Darcia - good for you, girl!

I guess I'm really lucky too...I made a comment a couple of years ago that I really wished I'd gone to nursing school, and my DH's reply was, "Well, why don't you?" And I've been in prereqs ever since! Now that I've been accepted, he's as excited as I am!

I agree with the poster who said you should talk to him over a nice dinner out, no kids (if you have any)...just the two of you. And when you can, when you have time, make sure you let him know he's still your main man.

buddiage · Mar 1, 2006

Wow! To all of you have endured the lack of support (or the "drag" from someone getting in your way) for going to nursing school: As tencat said, there is a new dimension to you when you start feeling good about yourself, which is exactly what happened to me. It is very hard for others to be okay with "the new you." It was hard for my husband, especially. I grew so much personally within the first year. The "smarter" I grew, it became more intimidating to him (which means beneath it all, he was insecure, right?)

I felt like I was rotting at home, and looking back, I was in MAJOR DEPRESSION! And at that, my husband got used to the idea that I felt obligated to be the best "wifey" (he wanted me to be his mommy) since I didn't "really do anything" other than stay at home and work as a cashier at Home Depot.

School has made me a better person. He is looking forward to the money I'll make, but I'm just happy to find out that I really could do anything I wanted to do.

You just have to find your game face that you have hidden in the closet, blow the dust off, and put it on! I love school (formerly hated it in high school) and have made the dean's list. A little age has definately made me wiser on my attitude towards school. It is what you make it, and that is the honest truth.

buddiage · Mar 1, 2006

Darcia-- good for you!

ICRN2008, BSN, RN · Mar 1, 2006

I give all of you a lot of credit for going to nursing school even if your husbands were/are not supportive. I guess I was really lucky, because when I told my husband that I wanted to go back to school he just said "ok". I expected there to be more protests because of my lost income and the cost of tuition, but he said that in the long run it would be worth it if I like my job. We still have days where we're at an impasse and he doesn't totally understand, but at least he tries.

As an aside, I think all people tend to get a little insecure when things change, so a little reassurance can go a long way!