Husbands not happy about nursing school- potential jealousy?

[buddiage]

I'm curious if any females who are married may have a husband who did not like the idea of them going back to school, and would find any reason (the "money" card or whatever) to prevent it from happening.

I am finally going into my program, and during the duration of prereqs (well, the first two years) I was given every reason not to go, and even guilt trips about time with our only daughter. I found out later that he had confided in a friend that he was afraid I'd meet a doctor and run off.

Anyone else experience this?

He is excited now that I'm going in, but he was not encouraging at ALL:banghead: initially.

[jenn_rn_nj]

I had an unsupportive EX, also (main reason he is an EX). I was in graduate school (not nursing) and he griped and complained all the way - one day he came home and stated he quit his job, just like that (and he really had - no discussion or anything).

His solution was that I would have to quit school and go back to work full-time (at the time I was on a graduate assistantship and working part-time at school, not making a lot of money but working odd jobs during summer / breaks to earn extra income). My "compromise" was to stay in school full-time but also work full-time. It turned out to be impossible so I took a semester off while he got his act in order. During that time, I volunteered at a hospital and discovered nursing. :) Instead of going back to grad school, I decided I wanted to be a nurse...once again I got zero support (to continue grad school or pursue nursing).

I received a lot of promises from him, but when it came time to fulfill them, something else would inevitably come up delay me from pursuing my goal once again (sadly, this went on for 6 years).

I also ended up depressed, working dead end job after dead end job while "we" focused on his career and goals. I finally put my foot down and it did not go well, the marriage crumbled and in the end I never did find out the real reason he didn't want me to continue my education (he blamed it on money, but he was earning a six figure income - of course he was trying to live a 6 figure plus lifestyle - so not me).

He told me he was just trying to protect me because he really didn't think I was smart enough to finish grad school or be a nurse (I had a 4.0 in grad school, graduated with a 3.4 in my major in college and I have maintained a 4.0 now!). I wish I had put my foot down sooner - I just think he was threatened by me having more education than he had but I will never know and it really doesn't matter now - I'm FINALLY on my way. :)

[buddiage]

rn2be nj,

Way to go! Keep on keeping on!

[bowkerj]

When I first started pre-reqs I was dating a very insecure guy who did not support me in the nursing school endeavor.

I guess that's why I'm still single!

J

[bowkerj]

My husband, too is very insecure about my going back to school for nursing. He jokes around that he can't wait til I'm bringing home some good money, but then "jokes" around to his friends and family that I am going to run off with a dr.He gets very mean and controlling and gets jealous not only of me going to school, but also of the new person I have become since I've started. My new-found confidence has him baffled. I quit my job as an esthetician when I married him 7 years ago to stay home with our son. He started treating me badly, so I made a vow to get myself out of such a dependent position. So I went to school at night and finally got accepted into nusing last year. Over that period of time, I have become someone he doesn't really know--the real me, only a {better} real me. And quite frankly, I can tell he is scared S***less! I think he knows I won't and don't have to take his abuse anymore!

By the way in my class, 3 girls are getting divorced and one has it all planned out to dump her husband after she graduates!!

Are you serious!? 3 women are gonna get divorced - that is hilarious!! Well, not really I guess.

[bowkerj]

Love is more than an emotion - it is action. Somebody holding you back from your destiny is not exhibiting 'loving' behavior. And whether the cause is jealousy, or WHATEVER, somebody that would hold you back invests more in that then they do in love to you. And that is telling.

~faith,

Timothy.

:yeahthat:

Adri

I second that!

[cfrimer]

Wow, reading everyone's stories here is sobering! So many of you have such inner strength and determination; it's inspiring to read! (But of course regrettable that you've had to experience these situations with partners who are supposed to LOVE you... it's true that many of these behaviors and attitudes are NOT love!)

I am about to start an NP program for the fall (taking prereqs now and will probably have to leave my job in the summer to take some final crash courses), and I admint I'm a bit nervous about how things are going to go with my man. He's generally very supporting and wonderful in many ways, but he does have issues with jealousy and control, and I fear that he'll push things in such a way that it will interfere with my studies (eg, waking me up in the middle of the night to pick an unreasonable fight... it's bad enough when that happens now, but what if I have a big exam the next day??).

I've raised the notion to him that I'm going to be pouring my all into school for the next 3 years, and he attended an info session at one of the schools where they jokingly made reference to the workload making students miss their families, so we're aware, together of the challenges ahead and are trying to prepare ourselves mentally/emotionally. But I'm nervous! Not just about starting school and the academic/clinical challenges, but about the very real difficulties that I'll be facing in my relationship.

Thanks all of you for sharing your stories!

~Chantelle

[buddiage]

Wow, reading everyone's stories here is sobering! So many of you have such inner strength and determination; it's inspiring to read! (But of course regrettable that you've had to experience these situations with partners who are supposed to LOVE you... it's true that many of these behaviors and attitudes are NOT love!)

I am about to start an NP program for the fall (taking prereqs now and will probably have to leave my job in the summer to take some final crash courses), and I admint I'm a bit nervous about how things are going to go with my man. He's generally very supporting and wonderful in many ways, but he does have issues with jealousy and control, and I fear that he'll push things in such a way that it will interfere with my studies (eg, waking me up in the middle of the night to pick an unreasonable fight... it's bad enough when that happens now, but what if I have a big exam the next day??).

I've raised the notion to him that I'm going to be pouring my all into school for the next 3 years, and he attended an info session at one of the schools where they jokingly made reference to the workload making students miss their families, so we're aware, together of the challenges ahead and are trying to prepare ourselves mentally/emotionally. But I'm nervous! Not just about starting school and the academic/clinical challenges, but about the very real difficulties that I'll be facing in my relationship.

Thanks all of you for sharing your stories!

~Chantelle

I'd come from the angle of "all the extra money we'll get." I had to work the money angle big time, because that is what was important to my husband. I could care less. Even stating the convinience of treating your own sinus infection with antibiotics versus having to go to the doctor. Regular hours, etc. I told my husband, "If you can just hang in there for 3 years, we will be so much more better off. It's going to be a pain at times, but it will be easier, eventually." I'll even occasionally state that I'd rather have quiet time and not think than do my homework, "reminding him" that your school isn't your new prefered spouse, it just has to be that way on occasion. I found with my husband, that I had to "baby" him.