Horizontal Hostility Crisis / HR

[pistolchick]

Help!

I posted awhile back about a co-worker from whom I was experiencing chronic horizontal hostility. Long story short: The last year has been hell. She has publicly humiliated me, sabotaged relationships with co-workers, she is backstabbing and complaining constantly about me behind my back to my co-workers, my supervisor and nurse manager. She's also become best-best buds with my supervisor, and since I work 2nd shift, my nurse manager never gets to actually "see" me work... she relies on what she hears, and what she hears isn't good.

I was accused (and later acquitted) of something a few months ago that would've had me fired in a minute if it had been true. An investigation took place in order to find me innocent, and during that, I was found to be lacking in some skills that they decided would best be resolved by putting me on probation. I am never one to turn down help and I'll jump at the chance of improving my skill, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit disappointed and embarrassed to be seen as "needing a preceptor" after this much time on the job, and the fact that - well - nothing was so bad that it stuck out to anyone PRIOR to this "investigation" that was made necessary by a false accusation. In other words, I felt that I was being punished for something that I didn't do.

Fast forward a couple of months... they gave up quickly on me having a preceptor... I can only imagine that the person I "shadowed" may have relayed that it probably wasn't necessary. Now I'm still on probation and they're calling me back to the office every few days to pick on me about little things. (it's always paperwork)

The last time I got called back, I kind of lost it. After over a year of this constant hostility from one specific co-worker and feeling like the red-headed step-child of my supervisor and manager, I couldn't take anymore. I didn't use any profane or inappropriate language, but I did finally let loose all of this upset about having been a target for all this time and how I felt like I was pegged a "bad kid" in the eyes of management and I felt helpless to overcome that. Now it was suggested to me that we ought to "meet with HR" to discuss all of this.

What am I supposed to say? Do I mention the fact that my supervisor and the person who bullies me are best buds? That alone - the lack of objectivity - has been a huge source of my inability to overcome this. It seems like a mistake to point it out. I honestly don't feel like anyone will really hear me or be even capable of being objective at this point. Am I just digging my grave deeper?

[Batman25]

For the sake of your sanity and health I believe it's time to look for another job. I don't believe this is your fault or that you have done anything wrong. My feeling is that you are in a situation where you just can't win. Start looking today.

If you meet with HR ask to meet with the HR rep alone first. Let them know the bully and your supervisor are friends on a personal level and you don't feel comfortable about this. Let HR know you feel it is a hostile working environment. If you are in a union ask for a rep to come with you. If you want to talk to a lawyer because it is a hostile environment and wish for one to be present do so. Stay calm and professional. Write down everything before the meeting so you can be clear and on target. Keep documentation and a timeline of what has transpired. SIGN NOTHING.

[GadgetRN71, ASN, RN]

I'm assuming you don't have a union.. be careful when dealing with HR-they are not on your side. I'm worried that you may go into this meeting and find that it's you against HR and the other two people. I'm not saying roll over and take it..I spoke up as well, but I had documentation, witnesses and a union rep present. Tread very, very carefully.

Good luck.

[Kyrshamarks, BSN, RN]

what ever hapened to the days when you grabbed the person harrasing you and took them into the linen closet where it was just the two of you and you told them to knock this garbage off or you would make sure their butt got stamped down? Then you jsut nicely as can be walk out if there. Then if they complain it is your word against theirs and with no witnesses they look like the idiot when you fieigned innocence and totally denied everything. It workwed great for many years...

[caliotter3]

There was a point in time when you should have started looking for a new job. Since that time seems to have passed as evidenced by you losing your cool and getting yourself in deeper doo doo, you need to start looking now. I would only hang on until you have a new job. You showed constraint for too long is how I read your post.

[Imafloat, BSN, RN]

I agree with the other posters, sometimes it's just not worth it and time to move on. I have a feeling that anything you say will be misconstrued and used against you, especially since you already lost your cool. It sounds like a toxic work place anyway, why be miserable?

[onetiredmomma]

If/when you meet with HR ask someone who knows the real you to go with you. Maybe the person you were being precepted with ? Maybe a co worker who know your ability to perform your job, someone who has seen the treatment you have been getting over the last year. And in the meantime, buff up your resume and get outta there! Best of luck.

[canoehead, BSN, RN]

It's over at this job, and it was a long time ago. Go through the motions, but find anther job. It doesn't really matter what you say in this meeting, because it'll be your word against your supervisor's. It's not your fault.

[country mom]

http://www.workplacebullying.org/

My heart breaks for you, really. I know what it's like to be bullied, and it's terribly sad that you are forced out of a job because of such hostility. What's equally as sad is that the perpetrator will move on to another target when you're gone. I've found the website quite valuable when I was doing some research on bullying. They do offer some suggestins on what/what not to do. Perhaps it will help to know there are others who have been in similar situations.

[dudette10, MSN, RN]

From country mom's link

Targets are independent. They refuse to be subservient. Bullies seek to enslave targets. When targets take steps to preserve their dignity, their right to be treated with respect, bullies escalate their campaigns of hatred and intimidation to wrest control of the target's work from the target.

Targets are more technically skilled than their bullies. They are the "go-to" veteran workers to whom new employees turn for guidance. Insecure bosses and co-workers can't stand to share credit for the recognition of talent. Bully bosses steal credit from skilled targets.

Targets are better liked, they have more social skills, and quite likely possess more emotional intelligence. They have empathy (even for their bullies). Colleagues, customers and management (all except the bullies and their sponsors) appreciate the warmth that the targets bring to the workplace.

Targets are ethical and honest. Some targets are whistleblowers who expose fraudulent practices. Every whistleblower is bullied. Targets are not schemers or slimy con artists. They tend to be guileless. The most easily exploited targets are those whose core personality reflects a prosocial orientation -- a desire to help, heal, teach, develop, nurture others.

Targets are non-confrontive. They do not respond to aggression with aggression. (They are thus morally superior.) But the price paid for apparent submissiveness is that the bully can act with impunity (as long as the employer also does nothing).

To bully nurses that possess these qualities, with the bullying perpetrated by people who *don't* possess them, should be a crime.

[NurseLoveJoy88, ASN, RN]

why is it that those that get bullied always have to find another job. so the op needs to find another job everytime she gets bullied??? i was a victim at my job and got bullied. my coworker has taught me that i cant allow others to run me out. i did nothing wrong and shoulnt have to leave my job. op you stand yoir ground and dont let them run you out of there.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

if you're in a union hospital, and i hope you are, contact your union representative immediately. the union will send someone to the hr meeting with you to be your advocate. the union advocates have been to these meetings many times in the past and will quickly get an idea of whether someone is out to get you, or whether you need remediation. they've worked with these managers before and are probably better able to communicate with them. they'll get both sides of the story.

as far as repeating orientation or extension of orientation -- if you change jobs often enough, it may happen to anyone. (even me.) it's happened to almost everyone i know who has changed jobs, most of them excellent nurses. although it feels humiliating, it's a great opportunity to tune up your skills and learn something new. you just have to look at it as positively as you can and take it with as much grace as possible. i know that's really difficult, but it's the best way.