Horizontal Hostility Crisis / HR

[pistolchick]

Help!

I posted awhile back about a co-worker from whom I was experiencing chronic horizontal hostility. Long story short: The last year has been hell. She has publicly humiliated me, sabotaged relationships with co-workers, she is backstabbing and complaining constantly about me behind my back to my co-workers, my supervisor and nurse manager. She's also become best-best buds with my supervisor, and since I work 2nd shift, my nurse manager never gets to actually "see" me work... she relies on what she hears, and what she hears isn't good.

I was accused (and later acquitted) of something a few months ago that would've had me fired in a minute if it had been true. An investigation took place in order to find me innocent, and during that, I was found to be lacking in some skills that they decided would best be resolved by putting me on probation. I am never one to turn down help and I'll jump at the chance of improving my skill, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit disappointed and embarrassed to be seen as "needing a preceptor" after this much time on the job, and the fact that - well - nothing was so bad that it stuck out to anyone PRIOR to this "investigation" that was made necessary by a false accusation. In other words, I felt that I was being punished for something that I didn't do.

Fast forward a couple of months... they gave up quickly on me having a preceptor... I can only imagine that the person I "shadowed" may have relayed that it probably wasn't necessary. Now I'm still on probation and they're calling me back to the office every few days to pick on me about little things. (it's always paperwork)

The last time I got called back, I kind of lost it. After over a year of this constant hostility from one specific co-worker and feeling like the red-headed step-child of my supervisor and manager, I couldn't take anymore. I didn't use any profane or inappropriate language, but I did finally let loose all of this upset about having been a target for all this time and how I felt like I was pegged a "bad kid" in the eyes of management and I felt helpless to overcome that. Now it was suggested to me that we ought to "meet with HR" to discuss all of this.

What am I supposed to say? Do I mention the fact that my supervisor and the person who bullies me are best buds? That alone - the lack of objectivity - has been a huge source of my inability to overcome this. It seems like a mistake to point it out. I honestly don't feel like anyone will really hear me or be even capable of being objective at this point. Am I just digging my grave deeper?

[j621d]

I have been in a somewhat similar position. I am not in a job where I do patient care, but there are some parallels here. I was to present some information at a meeting on July 5th, and it was actually for someone else. Unfortunately, a very close friend unexpectedly died. The funeral was on July 5th. I called and left a message for my supervisor why I wasn't going to be there, and you could tell by my voice how upset I was about the whole situation.

When I returned to work I immediately told the person (that I was presenting for) what happened. They said it was fine, and not to worry. Several weeks later my supervisor confronted me about the situation, and really belittled me. I was furious! Immediately I called HR and told them I needed out of that department. They had me come to their office the next day (also had my resume with me). I told them I needed out of there, or I would leave the hospital (after 15 years!). I was confident I could find a job elsewhere.

HR looked at my resume, noted that I was not a job hopper, and investigated further. Bottom line, the supervisor was relocated and I kept my job.

I don't know how HR is in your facility, but my experience is to use them. Be sure to be able to back everything you say with examples (just as if you were charting). No opinions, just the facts.

[j621d]

what ever hapened to the days when you grabbed the person harrasing you and took them into the linen closet where it was just the two of you and you told them to knock this garbage off or you would make sure their butt got stamped down? Then you jsut nicely as can be walk out if there. Then if they complain it is your word against theirs and with no witnesses they look like the idiot when you fieigned innocence and totally denied everything. It workwed great for many years...

That only happens on TV! LOL

[helikias]

From country mom's link

To bully nurses that possess these qualities, with the bullying perpetrated by people who *don't* possess them, should be a crime.

God bless you for posting this ... today is the very first day I understood why I am a target. Thank you.

[helikias]

I also "lost my cool" today after years of bullying ... you are not alone. I personally am waiting for my severance package.

Anyway, you are not alone and I think you did the right thing. It's true that HR is NOT on your side ... can you avoid the meeting? Good luck!

[erroridiot]

If you know of anyone who is hiring or who can assist you to find a job, contact them and let them know you are looking for a new position.

HR is not your friend.

It is a terrible situation to be stuck in. If you have other options or choices don't pass them up.

I think that these hostile situations are becoming so common that is horrifying. No one steps up to the plate and stops it. No one dares to assist or stick up for the victim and everyone looks the other way or allows it to continue. In fact, most take the bully's side and join in because if they don't they will also be out of a job.

The work environment can't be positive, knowledge-seeking or even organized with this kind of behavior going on.

We aren't kids anymore and we can't just give the bully a 1-2 punch and send him/her running home to mama with a bloody nose.

I am so sorry that you have to experience this situation. It is a good idea not to let your old coworkers know where you go. Some are sick enough to reach into the new workplace and attempt to continue to bully you at your new job.

[GadgetRN71, ASN, RN]

I was going through something similar..was told that my nursing skills were up to par, that I was a good nurse. My problem? I was too nice and had to learn to play the "game" better. Meaning, start acting more like the bullies. This group had run out nurses before too-I was by no means the first.

I had a decision to make, run away or fight. I'm all for not staying in a bad situation. However, I enjoyed my work, the doctors I worked with..and there are coworkers who are nice people. So, I decided to fight. I went to the union, which was scary as heck. Because we all know that legally, they can't retaliate against you for speaking up..but they sure as hell can make your life miserable in many sneaky ways. I had people coming to me saying that they admired me for what I was doing but that I was toast.

However, there were many people that were supportive and helped me too. My union rep was fantastic.

Now, I had people(the bullies) trying to ridicule me for being too sensitive...which was crap. I tried to fix things on my own..these people were just ticked that they couldn't make me quit. I think I was fairly stoic but after 2 years of sabotage, backstabbing etc. something had to be done. I'm single and only have to worry about myself right now..but what about the single mom or dad who can't just quit or they're afraid to speak up because they might get fired? So, scary as it was I'm proud of myself for speaking up. But I'm also aware that not everyone can do so.

So, OP, you have to really think about how you're going to approach this. I say to take someone with you to that meeting and document, like many of us suggested.

I'm pulling for you..

[pistolchick]

Thanks, everyone, for your helpful suggestions and your support. I really appreciate it. They never did schedule our meeting. They canned me instead. I'm seriously reconsidering nursing as a career. I'm not sure I want to be in a profession with a potential problem like this one everywhere I go. I'm not sure if it's worth the ulcers, headaches, diarrhea and other symptoms it produces.

[caliotter3]

Sorry to hear this happened although it was to be expected. Even if you go into another line of work, you need to look at this situation to see what you need to do differently to avoid the same thing happening somewhere else. You can't let people push you around and you have to be very careful when you see office politics is leaving you out of the loop or worse, targeting you. Best wishes finding a new job.