So this girl came yesterday and told me her back hurt because a kid accidentally hit her leaving class, I asked her if it was by accident or purpose? She said accident. I joke with the kids a lot, I treat them the way I treat my kids, but while I do, I also process them in. I always ask this, "Are you bleeding? Is anything broken? Are you in pain?, Are you breathing Ok? Are you dying?" in a joking manner, but it helps me understand if the kid is bleeding or is anything wrong, because sometimes they give me this grandiose story, and just asking this, I get them processed quicker. So I asked this to the little girl, made her crack a smile and I gave her an ice pack. I told her if someone does it on purpose next time, then to tell a teacher, but if it was an accident, she would be okay and just get an ice pack next time and go to class.
She left and that was it.
Then today her mom came in, scolded me because she said that he daughter is autistic and that I made her not trust adults anymore because last year she was bullied by students and teachers and humiliating her in this way made her this way. That I need to speak to her with respect and if I went to a university, then why didn't they teach me how to be ethical. I explained I didn't know this and I treat all kids the same way, I have to process them in quickly, I can only have them in here for 15 minutes and yes I do joke this way but it makes it faster for me and them. I apologized to her about this and told her it won't happen again. I told the admin, they said I am doing my job and doing a good one, not to worry about it and that was it, but it really made me feel like a failure. A lot of the kids who came in here really like me, so when this happened, i feel like I really messed up.
Have you ever had parents complain about you or anything in this aspect?
From the sounds of your story, you didn't imply anything about the little girl that would make anyone think she has autism. You said your system doesn't show documentation. No harm no foul on your part. Sounds like the little girl came in on her own. If she had autism, she should have had a parent with her. If my kid had autism, they'd be wearing a back pack with a leash. You know...pride and joy..
That's just me though..:)
If I was an RN, and a lady came to me like that I would have said "I'm very sorry, I didn't know, my system doesn't say your daughter has autism."
I think it comes with the job lol. I got scolded by a parent of a highschooler when I was barely at the school for like 2 weeks. That particular morning a parent had called me about 30 minutes after the bell rang, asking if I could take their daughters temp. I told them I would as soon as they were done with testing since I could not pull them out of testing, but that the student was free to come to my office if she didn't feel well. Well, time passed, I left early for a meeting and the next day I got an angry voicemail saying that their daughter was very sick, and that her temp was so high they had her in the shower and I that I should do my job.
First of all, your kid is a young adult and can come in here by herself whenever.
Secondly, if you think your child is sick, don't send them to school.Maybe YOU should do your job and check her temp first.
lol SO yeah, it comes with it. You do your best and sometimes you win, sometimes you dont.
Five bucks says she'd had a temp of 101 for about twenty minutes. I've met parents that think their school-aged child will die if they take a Tylenol and the temp doesn't normalize. When I worked in a Peds clinic I'd get ten calls a day like this - sometimes fifteen or more at the height of crud season.
Well I learned new and disturbing information to be honest. I won't go into much detail but it seems to me that what everyone has told me... this mother is crazy as crazy can go. I mean that won't stop me from being nice and courteous, but wow. But what I have been told, she is very horrible and has made a lot of people quit because she harassed them. I hope I can survive this lady.
People like that you cannot please so don't try. I'd call her every single time her daughter graces your doorstep so there's no way she can come back on you for not doing something she thought you should have. I've had a couple parents I've had to do that with. They aren't exactly friendly when I call but it gets them off my back and takes away any thing they can use against me.
We had one who threw a fit because the other nurse didn't call for a stomachache (frequent flyer and brat), after all it could've been appendicitis and they took the kid to the dr to prove a point only the dr couldn't find anything wrong so to me it just proved they were crazy. You can't argue with crazy. Another threw a fit because her precious snowflake had an ear infection. The thing is I called Mom and left a message to call me and sent a note home when she didn't return my call. No fever and the kid said he was fine to stay but I guess she wanted me to send smoke signals or something. Parents like that there's no winning.
Specializes in Cardiology, School Nursing, General.
People like that you cannot please so don't try. I'd call her every single time her daughter graces your doorstep so there's no way she can come back on you for not doing something she thought you should have. I've had a couple parents I've had to do that with. They aren't exactly friendly when I call but it gets them off my back and takes away any thing they can use against me.
We had one who threw a fit because the other nurse didn't call for a stomachache (frequent flyer and brat), after all it could've been appendicitis and they took the kid to the dr to prove a point only the dr couldn't find anything wrong so to me it just proved they were crazy. You can't argue with crazy. Another threw a fit because her precious snowflake had an ear infection. The thing is I called Mom and left a message to call me and sent a note home when she didn't return my call. No fever and the kid said he was fine to stay but I guess she wanted me to send smoke signals or something. Parents like that there's no winning.
Yeah they told me that next time she comes to have an admin with me so i don't have to defend myself alone. What I plan to do is be polite and just not make conversation with the kid, just quick assessment and such. I would call, but I know by what her level of craziness is, I rather not because it might end in disaster.
No worries you did not mean any harm. I like to have fun with students too. I take things personally a lot especially when I did my best to keep student happy and healthy.
I too use sarcasm (I have learned to use it only with a select few), but sarcasm, by nature, is insincere and leads to miscommunication for children. The way the brain develops in children, most children under the age of 9 or 10 don't understand that what is said is the opposite of what is meant. Add to that the autism DX and it was the perfect storm. I would still call that parent when the child comes in - rehearsing first the most appropriate/PC things to say. Hang in there.
OP: You sound like a pro. You asked the child all the appropriate questions that excluded most possibilities of serious injury/problems involving life ,limb and sight.
In other words you did an age appropriate triage of a child, autistic or otherwise.
Now without any other mitigating information, on the surface of this, regarding the inexplicably distraught scolding mom, all I would tell her would be "do you not think that scolding a university trained professional is not a bit over the top in this matter."
regarding the inexplicably distraught scolding mom, all I would tell her would be "do you not think that scolding a university trained professional is not a bit over the top in this matter."
"ON GUARD!!!!- Mommy Dearest!!!"
Advice Beware - I mean Buyer Beware - I respectfully disagree with that advice. School nurses work hard to build relationships with parents, students, and staff. That advice would do the opposite - unless you were being sarcastic . . .
i've been scolded plenty times over the years for things that just make me say "huh?" everything from changing a child into dry clothing (mom was po'd that her snowflake had to wear "clothes from school" -well - you should have answered your phone - and that still would not have solved the fact of your kiddo sitting in wet pants for at least 20 minutes) to a dad being ticked that i had the sheer audacity to do a hearing and vision screening on his autistic son (who gave me no problems and rather enjoyed our games).
I've learned to choose my battles but also to stand up for myself when i know that i'm right. On the same flip of the coin- I have learned to own up when i'm wrong.
I too use sarcasm (I have learned to use it only with a select few), but sarcasm, by nature, is insincere and leads to miscommunication for children. The way the brain develops in children, most children under the age of 9 or 10 don't understand that what is said is the opposite of what is meant. Add to that the autism DX and it was the perfect storm. I would still call that parent when the child comes in - rehearsing first the most appropriate/PC things to say. Hang in there.
OP: You sound like a pro. You asked the child all the appropriate questions that excluded most possibilities of serious injury/problems involving life ,limb and sight.
In other words you did an age appropriate triage of a child, autistic or otherwise.
Now without any other mitigating information, on the surface of this, regarding the inexplicably distraught scolding mom, all I would tell her would be "do you not think that scolding a university trained professional is not a bit over the top in this matter."
"ON GUARD!!!!- Mommy Dearest!!!"
Advice Beware - I mean Buyer Beware - I respectfully disagree with that advice. School nurses work hard to build relationships with parents, students, and staff. That advice would do the opposite - unless you were being sarcastic . . .
We aren't perfect, OP. We can't spend a lot of time beating ourselves up, just trying to see what is the take-away for each kid.
Perception is a funny thing. I don't have an autistic child, so I can't imagine what a parent with one feels like. I've had parents ream me out for something I did that was totally appropriate because they perceived their child was hurting and I wasn't able to immediately make it 100% better. I've also had parents apologize to me for lashing out at a high emotional time. I've also apologized for being unaware of an issue their child may have that I wasn't aware of.
I use the wording "I'm sorry this happened. I know we both want to ensure your child has the most productive school day possible. Let's talk about a plan together I can use the next time to make sure that happens."
I'm learning I can't take things personally and that there is a learning experience in every parent, especially the "crazy" ones. And man, it is hard. I'm getting slowly better at this, but it is still hard.
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Beldar_the_Cenobite, CNA
470 Posts
From the sounds of your story, you didn't imply anything about the little girl that would make anyone think she has autism. You said your system doesn't show documentation. No harm no foul on your part. Sounds like the little girl came in on her own. If she had autism, she should have had a parent with her. If my kid had autism, they'd be wearing a back pack with a leash. You know...pride and joy..
That's just me though..:)
If I was an RN, and a lady came to me like that I would have said "I'm very sorry, I didn't know, my system doesn't say your daughter has autism."