General workplace/personal life separation

Nurses Relations

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Just to throw this out there and get it off my chest, is the point of this post.

I wonder if it's just me, but I feel people share too much of their personal business and marry that with work. It makes me uncomfortable for people at work to have this facade of closeness with coworkers and ask them to weddings, baby showers, birthday party's, general outings, etc., knowing it's too much sharing. I have a few good friends at work and feel that one has to have a true liking for an individual to call them "friend." I see so many coworkers become so involved in the drama with each other that it interferes with work and trickles out.

People talk of their Facebook posts, what they do with each other on their off time (even though we spend more time at work than with our own families!), and then have issues with each other at work. I see and hear this and just don't "get" it. Friendships cannot be faked. I understand that you can have friends at work, but not all work acquaintances need be "friends."

I have always been private regarding my family life and how much is shared with coworkers. It can be detrimental to over share at work, particularly when others then talk about you to each other. We know some employees have their boss' ear. We all know coworkers chat to some extent with each other about others issues/lives.

Does it just seem like it's a popularity contest at work, or is it just my perception? People inviting some coworkers to weddings, some to baby showers, etc. It's just people getting caught up in their own idea of how great they think they are...

I work with many who are not married, no kids, so that may be a bigger part of it, but I don't get it. Even when I wasn't married and didn't have a family, I feel that people should just keep their professional life separate from their personal life. It is a slippery slope to share on Facebook and in person with everyone you work with - it can only lead to trouble. People's opinions, preferences, ideology's, etc., are all for outside of work, yet end up becoming part of the work banter. It sets one up for failure and employer involvement in every aspect of one's life. You can't really share all of yourself and expect every person at work to accept you. One shouldn't expect that. Is that today's work culture?

I don't think it's wise, in fact, I think it's detrimental. I think good friends at work should really hold true to loyalty and keep their valued friend's personal life and their friendship outside of work, as well.

My parents are the same way, as is my spouse, so maybe it's just like-minded people just tend to follow like-minded. There is so little in our lives that are just "ours" so feel like that should be protected.

How do other people feel about this?

Specializes in MICU, SICU, CICU.

It is bad for business to form very personal relationships at work.

I have seen and experienced a lot of immature behavior in the workplace.

It is better for me personally to keep it on a professional level.

Your entire post is completely unnecessary. I have been in this game a while and know when people are being manipulated or two faced. I have learned that friendships and loyalty do not occur overnight. Often there is high drama and high turnover, especially in hospital nursing.

Many things do not need to be brought to a manager, they have much more pressing matters. If you cannot relate, then kindly do not respond.

Who peed on your cornflakes? Ashley PICU RN's post was polite and reasonable, just not in accordance with your opinion. A discussion is an exchange of opinions, whether we agree with them or not. You'd think a Guide would know that.

Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.

I think the over-sharing is a sign of the times. In this day and age, many people depend on their places of employment for their social needs because their personal lives are lacking something intangible.

As technology has increased over the past two decades, the number of quality relationships in peoples' personal lives has decreased. After all, a lonely person in 2014 can entertain themselves with World of Warcraft, Facebook, Twitter, Netflix, Youtube, smartphones and an array of other goodies that did not exist 20 years ago. I'm conjecturing that many of these people use the workplace to drown out the emptiness in their personal lives.

A large number of people use the workplace to fulfill their needs for personal validation, socialization, ego stroking, friendship, companionship, entertainment, and an overall sense of belonging to some group. Some of our coworkers are overly dependent on their jobs for these needs.

People seemed to have fuller lives, true friendships, and better social skills a couple of decades ago. This is my personal opinion, so take it with a grain of salt and/or use it as you wish.

You work in a place that is young, female, single and (I am guessing), American born? Welcome to ground zero in the land of overshare. I tend to find that the work/personal life separation increases as people get older, marry, have families and build a life independent of work. Foreign born people were usually raised with more reserve about personal information.

You don't have to play along, if you don't want to. Politely decline invitations, keep a good working relationship with your coworkers and be good to your friends.

Specializes in ER.
You work in a place that is young, female, single and (I am guessing), American born? Welcome to ground zero in the land of overshare. I tend to find that the work/personal life separation increases as people get older, marry, have families and build a life independent of work. Foreign born people were usually raised with more reserve about personal information.

You don't have to play along, if you don't want to. Politely decline invitations, keep a good working relationship with your coworkers and be good to your friends.

I agree that as we mature and grow, with the realization of how the world works, you tend to draw your personal world in closer to you.

Well a handful of my coworkers are my closest friends. They have become more of a family to me than many of my own family members.

The rest I don't share anything with because I know they only want to know info to use it against you. I don't FB them, I don't go to their parties, but if their children are fundraising for things I feel passionate about I will support their cause.

Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.

I have experienced my work were my friends and were a wonderful support through my tragic disruptive first marriage, life's pitfalls, growing and maturing, and a house fire that I lost all of my worldly goods. I needed them and they cared for me from the time I was 17 until I was 34.....I loved them all. It was a special situation with very special people.

The second time when I made every effort to keep people at an arms length. I had moved and I was much older. I tried very hard to keep my personal and work life separate. They believed that I wasn't a team player. A department that plays together stays together. I relented. That "wonderful group" of people were amongst the biggest disappointment and hurt of my life.

Over all....the less people know the better. Never let them see you sweat.

Specializes in ICU/PACU.

Well, the majority of my friends are fellow nurses. I don't need to be everyone's best friend, but acting interested in your coworkers just helps makes things easier at work. It's a balance you have to figure out. But I do agree to use caution. In my earlier days as a new nurse with a unit full of young new grads, it was pretty catty. Nowadays I don't care so much what people think of me, or if so and so wants to be my friend. Sometimes I need a break from coworkers so if there's a get together, I will avoid it if I'm getting a little burned out from seeing everyone so often.

Specializes in SICU, trauma, neuro.

Eh. If you prefer not to socialize with colleagues, don't socialize with colleagues. But I don't see the need to worry about those who do. It takes mental energy on your part and doesn't change anything.

Myself, I feel like I spend too much time at work not to enjoy being around those I work with. It's one thing to air dirty laundry, another to talk about the kids or vacation plans during downtime. Maybe your colleagues are being artificial with each other, but being colleagues does not preclude being friendly. Heck my sister married one of her colleagues. :yes: My own unit has a lot of functions--a shower for every first baby, bachelor/ette nights for the soon-to-be-marrieds, going away parties for longtime staff, etc.--and include our spouses/kids. But again, IMO it's not worth your time to worry about what your colleagues do outside of work.

Specializes in Acute Care, Rehab, Palliative.

My best friends are the gals I work with. We socialize outside of work and i have even been on vacation with a group of coworkers. To each his own. I think sharing helps us be more cohesive as a group.We have been there for each other through good times and bad. We know each other as well as any family.

Specializes in MICU, SICU, CICU.

quote: That "wonderful group" of people were amongst the biggest disappointment and hurt of my life.

Over all....the less people know the better. Never let them see you sweat."

I agree with this 100% There are people who will hurt others any way that they can just because they can. It stems from jealousy and insecurity. We are not a family. It is a place of business. I like most of my coworkers but I don't mistake friendliness for friendship.

I used to donate generously to every occasion. Now I have a five dollar limit.

If personal relationships in the workplace is negatively affecting patient care or is disruptive then it needs to be addressed. If it isn’t affecting patient care then it’s simply something that every person working that floor has the choice of either engaging in or steering clear of.

Personally, I’m disinclined to share too much from my personal life with co-workers. I’m friendly, try to be supportive and approachable but I’m also rather private. I’ve met most of my close friends outside of work. That’s just me. We’re all different, and that’s quite all right.

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