General workplace/personal life separation

[MassED]

Just to throw this out there and get it off my chest, is the point of this post.

I wonder if it's just me, but I feel people share too much of their personal business and marry that with work. It makes me uncomfortable for people at work to have this facade of closeness with coworkers and ask them to weddings, baby showers, birthday party's, general outings, etc., knowing it's too much sharing. I have a few good friends at work and feel that one has to have a true liking for an individual to call them "friend." I see so many coworkers become so involved in the drama with each other that it interferes with work and trickles out.

People talk of their Facebook posts, what they do with each other on their off time (even though we spend more time at work than with our own families!), and then have issues with each other at work. I see and hear this and just don't "get" it. Friendships cannot be faked. I understand that you can have friends at work, but not all work acquaintances need be "friends."

I have always been private regarding my family life and how much is shared with coworkers. It can be detrimental to over share at work, particularly when others then talk about you to each other. We know some employees have their boss' ear. We all know coworkers chat to some extent with each other about others issues/lives.

Does it just seem like it's a popularity contest at work, or is it just my perception? People inviting some coworkers to weddings, some to baby showers, etc. It's just people getting caught up in their own idea of how great they think they are...

I work with many who are not married, no kids, so that may be a bigger part of it, but I don't get it. Even when I wasn't married and didn't have a family, I feel that people should just keep their professional life separate from their personal life. It is a slippery slope to share on Facebook and in person with everyone you work with - it can only lead to trouble. People's opinions, preferences, ideology's, etc., are all for outside of work, yet end up becoming part of the work banter. It sets one up for failure and employer involvement in every aspect of one's life. You can't really share all of yourself and expect every person at work to accept you. One shouldn't expect that. Is that today's work culture?

I don't think it's wise, in fact, I think it's detrimental. I think good friends at work should really hold true to loyalty and keep their valued friend's personal life and their friendship outside of work, as well.

My parents are the same way, as is my spouse, so maybe it's just like-minded people just tend to follow like-minded. There is so little in our lives that are just "ours" so feel like that should be protected.

How do other people feel about this?

[wooh, BSN, RN]

Your entire post is completely unnecessary. I have been in this game a while and know when people are being manipulated or two faced. I have learned that friendships and loyalty do not occur overnight. Often there is high drama and high turnover, especially in hospital nursing.

Many things do not need to be brought to a manager, they have much more pressing matters. If you cannot relate, then kindly do not respond.

Well that was unnecessary. If you can't relate to what Ashley said, then just kindly do not respond.

[edmia, BSN, RN]

Well, I think it's natural to find people in a nursing workplace that become good friends. No one else understands what you go through in this business.

I am reserved and observe when I walk into a new workplace, but am always on the lookout for those few that think like me and who I want to connect to. I always find them: witty, smart, able to see reality not fantasy, forward thinking, politically aligned to me, funny, sarcastic, and primarily, supportive. I love to find my true peers and incorporate them to my life in and out of work.

I find it strange when I meet nurses who don't want to connect. Not with me in particular, but with any coworkers. I feel bad because when they have a bad day, they don't have the kind of support I have access to.

[HeartRN13]

It's such a tough topic and such a familiar and complicated topic that there will never be agreement, nor an answer to what is right or wrong. This particular scenario comes down to a persons individual values of the aspects in their life. Some people have found their workplace to be the most valuable part of their life because they struggle to find value in things outside of work. It's FAR too easy to value being a nurse and come to feel that way because the gratitude and appreciation you receive from patients and families is so fulfilling that you value feeling valued. On the opposite spectrum, there are people who have such a happy balance and personal life that their values lie in THOSE parts of their life, and they don't feel as though their workplace and job are as important to place that value on.

At the end of the day, there will never be a right or wrong way to feel about work. Each and every one of us have our own story and reasons why we are the way that we are, and if someone is able to find happiness through valuing their workplace and the relationships it's allowed them to form, then I am happy for them that they are able to feel the sense of connection and belonging. And in regard to those who are on the opposite side of it and have such wonderful and supportive people in their life that they don't feel that they need to engage in the workplace clique, i admire that and respect that as well.

I've been on both sides of it. I have my preference and opinion but if I shared mine it would be contradicting my post. No single workplace is any different no matter where you go and how far you travel. Only you can decide for yourself which role you're going to play and why.

[Wrench Party]

Shrug- my current coworkers came to my wedding, and I've gone to past coworkers' weddings, baby showers and the like. It's all about the vibe of your workplace. I've always worked on small teams in close quarters, so I feel like I've known my coworkers fairly well.

Besides, we spend more time with these people than our own families, it's inevitable to get to know them a little bit.

[kungpoopanda]

It was more the tone with which the post was posted.

Oh puleeeeez! Tone? From words written on a screen? Grow up!

[duskyjewel]

You grow up. Tone can sometimes be hard to discern online, but it's not absent.

[Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN]

MODERATOR NOTE:

Please remember that allnurses loves good debates.....as long as the responses are polite.

[RNperdiem, RN]

The trouble with nursing that the turnover is high. It is hard to make real friends when people come and go quickly.

[TheCommuter, BSN, RN]

Grow up!

I'm conjecturing that all of the members who have contributed so far are grown up, so there's no need to drop a reminder to play nice in the sandbox. :)

[Lioness333]

Your entire post is completely unnecessary. I have been in this game a while and know when people are being manipulated or two faced. I have learned that friendships and loyalty do not occur overnight. Often there is high drama and high turnover, especially in hospital nursing.

Many things do not need to be brought to a manager, they have much more pressing matters. If you cannot relate, then kindly do not respond.

I cannot believe that someone told someone else not to reply on a public forum. I guess the concept of "a comment that isn't going to enhance my perspective...next!" is foreign to some. Well, I will be adding to my "disregard" list...kind of how I treat people offline who tell others how to think, feel and act.

To the OP, this is why I didn't become a nurse to make friends. The goal was to earn a living and to learn. I know some people think I should say "I am here to serve others..." but the fact is, good luck finding anyone in nursing who would do it for free for the rest of their life.