General workplace/personal life separation

Nurses Relations

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Just to throw this out there and get it off my chest, is the point of this post.

I wonder if it's just me, but I feel people share too much of their personal business and marry that with work. It makes me uncomfortable for people at work to have this facade of closeness with coworkers and ask them to weddings, baby showers, birthday party's, general outings, etc., knowing it's too much sharing. I have a few good friends at work and feel that one has to have a true liking for an individual to call them "friend." I see so many coworkers become so involved in the drama with each other that it interferes with work and trickles out.

People talk of their Facebook posts, what they do with each other on their off time (even though we spend more time at work than with our own families!), and then have issues with each other at work. I see and hear this and just don't "get" it. Friendships cannot be faked. I understand that you can have friends at work, but not all work acquaintances need be "friends."

I have always been private regarding my family life and how much is shared with coworkers. It can be detrimental to over share at work, particularly when others then talk about you to each other. We know some employees have their boss' ear. We all know coworkers chat to some extent with each other about others issues/lives.

Does it just seem like it's a popularity contest at work, or is it just my perception? People inviting some coworkers to weddings, some to baby showers, etc. It's just people getting caught up in their own idea of how great they think they are...

I work with many who are not married, no kids, so that may be a bigger part of it, but I don't get it. Even when I wasn't married and didn't have a family, I feel that people should just keep their professional life separate from their personal life. It is a slippery slope to share on Facebook and in person with everyone you work with - it can only lead to trouble. People's opinions, preferences, ideology's, etc., are all for outside of work, yet end up becoming part of the work banter. It sets one up for failure and employer involvement in every aspect of one's life. You can't really share all of yourself and expect every person at work to accept you. One shouldn't expect that. Is that today's work culture?

I don't think it's wise, in fact, I think it's detrimental. I think good friends at work should really hold true to loyalty and keep their valued friend's personal life and their friendship outside of work, as well.

My parents are the same way, as is my spouse, so maybe it's just like-minded people just tend to follow like-minded. There is so little in our lives that are just "ours" so feel like that should be protected.

How do other people feel about this?

Ok so here it deal....women build relationships through talking and relating to each other...the majority of nurses are female...so this behavior is normal.....anyone that thinks it isn't, does not not understand the nature of others.

To answer your question....yes people share too much from nurses to doctors to cnas to pts to housekeeping....

We all like to think "I am the best, and I never overshare"

The majority of healthcare providers say too much and act like jerks....

Specializes in Critical Care.

I think it is up to the person. You don't feel close and choose not to be "friends" that is ok, that's your choice. Others don't feel that way and prefer a closer relationship. You are right, sometimes it doesn't work out and can cause problems, but other times it can enrich someone's life. I prefer to not get too close, although I have friends from work and do things with them outside of work, but I'm careful about what I say. I have been burned by being over trusting (many can probably say the same) and have learned the hard way to be cautious. Still are job can lead to bonding esp considering the high stress, acuity and need for teamwork. That is ok! Nothing wrong with that. Especially the young, single ones hang out together and they seem happy. Let others be happy doing their own thing. If things don't work out, they will manage. Truth is no matter who or where you become friends with sometimes it doesn't always last. That is just life! It is a risk whenever you trust someone, but life is so much richer with friends and loved ones!

As for the bonding, it reminds me of when I was in college in the dorms and roommates in the apartment. It lead to friends, while we didn't keep in touch after, it was still nice to have someone to do things with and I definitely didn't feel lonely back then. Always some one to talk to, go to the movies, etc. What is wrong with that? Then again, some people develop lifelong friendships with people from college even after they go their own way. The same can be said of coworkers. In my experience that has not been the case, but I wish them all the best. We just drifted apart, no fights or anything. Some people reconnect on facebook.

I don't friend people on facebook and intended to keep work separate, but what do you do when people friend you? Are you going to ignore them and then cause hard feelings? No I don't think so. Only put on facebook what you are comfortable sharing with everyone or use a pseudonym like famous authors do when they want to be anonymous. One of my friends did that because she didn't want all the high school classmates finding and friending her. But I think it's fine, it can be a fine way to keep in touch and may be more genuine than the high school reunions where it's more about impressing others.

As far as inviting only certain persons to weddings etc I wouldn't feel offended about that. Weddings are expensive and one should invite only those they feel close to. Think of it this way you don't have to buy a gift then. I would do the same, only invite those I was close to and there is nothing wrong with that!

What is really good about work is the friendships haven't lead to a clique where others feel excluded. Instead everyone gets along and helps each other. I much prefer that than dealing with cliques like there have been in the past! No one is the queen bee, at least that I can see, that needs her minions following her! It is a much nicer place this way!

Specializes in None yet..
Your entire post is completely unnecessary. I have been in this game a while and know when people are being manipulated or two faced. I have learned that friendships and loyalty do not occur overnight. Often there is high drama and high turnover, especially in hospital nursing.

Many things do not need to be brought to a manager, they have much more pressing matters. If you cannot relate, then kindly do not respond.

WHOA! Someone hit a nerve!

I'm guessing there's more going on with the trauma/drama scene at work than you've shared. You may have posted while still awash in the emotional hormones and may be there still. Been there, done that! Work situations can be huge triggers. (For me this is especially true when patient care is at issue. I'm getting used to slackers not liking me. Oh well.)

However: You asked what other people think about your post. Ashley, PICU RN told you what she thought. It's possible to read meaning into an email that just isn't there. Could that be the case here? I didn't see anything incendiary in her post; in fact, her perspective is reasoned and defensible.

The advice to be careful about issues you bring to management is excellent and could save you all kinds of grief. AlNurses (and life) is filled with examples of people who were fired or suffered negative consequences because they brought personality issues to management.

Take what you like from these responses, ignore the rest. That's the beauty of AllNurses. Hope there is some help toward resolving your situation in all these responses.

Specializes in None yet..
quote: That "wonderful group" of people were amongst the biggest disappointment and hurt of my life.

Over all....the less people know the better. Never let them see you sweat."

I agree with this 100% There are people who will hurt others any way that they can just because they can. It stems from jealousy and insecurity. We are not a family. It is a place of business. I like most of my coworkers but I don't mistake friendliness for friendship.

I used to donate generously to every occasion. Now I have a five dollar limit.

And I hafta add, there are plenty of families filled with members who are jealous, insecure, toxic and dangerous to engage... including mine!

Specializes in Acute Care, Rehab, Palliative.
Ok so here it deal....women build relationships through talking and relating to each other...the majority of nurses are female...so this behavior is normal.....anyone that thinks it isn't, does not not understand the nature of others.

To answer your question....yes people share too much from nurses to doctors to cnas to pts to housekeeping....

We all like to think "I am the best, and I never overshare"

The majority of healthcare providers say too much and act like jerks....

You think we are all jerks?

Specializes in None yet..
You think we are all jerks?

Just the majority of us, apparently. (I hope I get to review the evidence-based practice data on this before I'm too far into nursing school...)

I feel so blessed to work with co-workers who truly are caring people. They take the time ask how things are going in my life and I in theirs. It feels like a little family. There are some coworkers who are more distant and that's fine, too. We respect that. It's not mandatory on the unit to share anything if you don't want to, obviously. If someone posts on Facebook about their niece who is dying of cancer, we can all be understanding towards that person and give them extra hugs or ask about how they are doing.

The friendships are what keep me there when times are tough in the unit or facility. I can't imagine working as an anonymous person (in spite of my username!) where they don't care enough to get to know me outside of how I function as a nurse. The world is too cold already. Where I choose to spend my time (even my work time) is where I am valued for my skills but also am able to connect with the people around me.

Perhaps it's because it's Peds ICU and stepdown. Maybe we see so many horrible things (the very worst things you can imagine) that we have to band together and celebrate the good things and count our blessings. Life is too short to not build those relationships, at least on some level.

Specializes in ER.
WHOA! Someone hit a nerve!

I'm guessing there's more going on with the trauma/drama scene at work than you've shared. You may have posted while still awash in the emotional hormones and may be there still. Been there, done that! Work situations can be huge triggers. (For me this is especially true when patient care is at issue. I'm getting used to slackers not liking me. Oh well.)

However: You asked what other people think about your post. Ashley, PICU RN told you what she thought. It's possible to read meaning into an email that just isn't there. Could that be the case here? I didn't see anything incendiary in her post; in fact, her perspective is reasoned and defensible.

The advice to be careful about issues you bring to management is excellent and could save you all kinds of grief. AlNurses (and life) is filled with examples of people who were fired or suffered negative consequences because they brought personality issues to management.

Take what you like from these responses, ignore the rest. That's the beauty of AllNurses. Hope there is some help toward resolving your situation in all these responses.f

It was more the tone with which the post was posted.

Specializes in ER.
I feel so blessed to work with co-workers who truly are caring people. They take the time ask how things are going in my life and I in theirs. It feels like a little family. There are some coworkers who are more distant and that's fine, too. We respect that. It's not mandatory on the unit to share anything if you don't want to, obviously. If someone posts on Facebook about their niece who is dying of cancer, we can all be understanding towards that person and give them extra hugs or ask about how they are doing.

The friendships are what keep me there when times are tough in the unit or facility. I can't imagine working as an anonymous person (in spite of my username!) where they don't care enough to get to know me outside of how I function as a nurse. The world is too cold already. Where I choose to spend my time (even my work time) is where I am valued for my skills but also am able to connect with the people around me.

Perhaps it's because it's Peds ICU and stepdown. Maybe we see so many horrible things (the very worst things you can imagine) that we have to band together and celebrate the good things and count our blessings. Life is too short to not build those relationships, at least on some level.

I definitely agree that you have to have good support to deal with the awful aspects of our job. Certainly not many can understand this.

I think if you can find coworkers with integrity and moralistic view on loyalty (not backstabbing and smiling in your face the next minute) then that's who you may can build a friendship with. My old job, some folks thought I was standoffish because I didn't talk much to them but were shocked when I would be extremely sociable with others. Why? Because you don't deserve to get to know me:-)

They are still my good friends even though I don't work there and we support each other.

I'm selective.

It took me a long time to decide on who I could trust at work, and even then, I only became close with one person. With everyone else, I didn't offer information about my life. If they asked me about my daughter (or anything else within reason), I'd tell them what they'd want to know, but I otherwise kept to myself.

I found that many of my (former) coworkers wanted the gossip and would, in turn, talk about the person behind their back. I knew early on that they had no issues talking about others behind their backs, and I also saw that they couldn't be happy for others and didn't want to see them succeed.

I did find one person who I was comfortable with; however, I still had reservations. I was very open with her about many things, but I still exercised caution with other things.

As far as facebook goes, before I friended any coworkers, I was a little more open. I still had reservations for the fact that it was the internet and not completely private, but once I started friending coworkers, I've been a little more private. I never mention work on facebook no matter what, but I also apply that to any information I don't want in the office.

I don't have many friends (I've just always been a little socially awkward), so to become close with someone at work was really nice for me.

Going through nursing school may change that. Once I'm a nurse I may decide to be more private, or I may still follow my same rules (I really don't see me being any more open than I am now).

Specializes in ICU, Intermediate Care, Progressive Care.

I think I am fortunate that the friendships at my worklace do not seem like a facade to me. There are some people who are casual acquaintances with everybody but keep a professional distance, and that works for them. There are a few people who are drama queens and over sharers--maybe three or so of these people, off the top of my head. Then there are a few groups of friends. For myself, I have about five or six people I am happy to talk to about both work and non-work issues because I consider them trusted friends. Do we spend time together outside of work? Not really, though we've met up for work parties and things. But do I consider them friends, absolutely. There are no rivalries/backstabbing from what I can see, either.

Guess I'm just fortunate that everybody is able to get along with each other at whatever level they're each comfortable to share/involve in personal life and details. :)

Perhaps it's because it's Peds ICU and stepdown. Maybe we see so many horrible things (the very worst things you can imagine) that we have to band together and celebrate the good things and count our blessings. Life is too short to not build those relationships, at least on some level.

^^^ just saw this from up-thread. I work on a highly critical stepdown unit and THIS is exactly how my workplace is. We see enough s#!% that we don't need it in the workplace. We're a family or at least a close-knit team busting our butts to deal with difficult situations and a stressful but rewarding environment.

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