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General workplace/personal life separation

Posted

Specializes in ER. Has 15 years experience.

Just to throw this out there and get it off my chest, is the point of this post.

I wonder if it's just me, but I feel people share too much of their personal business and marry that with work. It makes me uncomfortable for people at work to have this facade of closeness with coworkers and ask them to weddings, baby showers, birthday party's, general outings, etc., knowing it's too much sharing. I have a few good friends at work and feel that one has to have a true liking for an individual to call them "friend." I see so many coworkers become so involved in the drama with each other that it interferes with work and trickles out.

People talk of their Facebook posts, what they do with each other on their off time (even though we spend more time at work than with our own families!), and then have issues with each other at work. I see and hear this and just don't "get" it. Friendships cannot be faked. I understand that you can have friends at work, but not all work acquaintances need be "friends."

I have always been private regarding my family life and how much is shared with coworkers. It can be detrimental to over share at work, particularly when others then talk about you to each other. We know some employees have their boss' ear. We all know coworkers chat to some extent with each other about others issues/lives.

Does it just seem like it's a popularity contest at work, or is it just my perception? People inviting some coworkers to weddings, some to baby showers, etc. It's just people getting caught up in their own idea of how great they think they are...

I work with many who are not married, no kids, so that may be a bigger part of it, but I don't get it. Even when I wasn't married and didn't have a family, I feel that people should just keep their professional life separate from their personal life. It is a slippery slope to share on Facebook and in person with everyone you work with - it can only lead to trouble. People's opinions, preferences, ideology's, etc., are all for outside of work, yet end up becoming part of the work banter. It sets one up for failure and employer involvement in every aspect of one's life. You can't really share all of yourself and expect every person at work to accept you. One shouldn't expect that. Is that today's work culture?

I don't think it's wise, in fact, I think it's detrimental. I think good friends at work should really hold true to loyalty and keep their valued friend's personal life and their friendship outside of work, as well.

My parents are the same way, as is my spouse, so maybe it's just like-minded people just tend to follow like-minded. There is so little in our lives that are just "ours" so feel like that should be protected.

How do other people feel about this?

itsmejuli

Specializes in Home Care.

You can choose to participate or not.

MassED, BSN, RN

Specializes in ER. Has 15 years experience.

yep! True.

I think it is up to individuels how close you want to get with your coworkers. I can see sometimes it could cause problems getting too close and personal. But hey you never know a coworker can also be someone that can give you that hug and support when something wrong happens in your life. We all need that from time to time.

I see nothing at all wrong with coworkers at weddings and baby showers. They could want to celebrate with you these great things in your life. If there were some coworkers you don't click with by all means they don't have to be a part of anything. But I feel if you keep so sheltred and closed off you might be missing something great.

brattygrl

Specializes in Peds critical care. Has 15 years experience.

I agree with you 100%.

I see a lot of this at my job. Everyone is "good friends" and then all talk about each other all the time. Drives me nuts. Best practice is to be friendly, have some laughs along the way, keep your personal business your own, and your job separate from your home life.

Just my opinion.

MassED, BSN, RN

Specializes in ER. Has 15 years experience.

I think it is up to individuels how close you want to get with your coworkers. I can see sometimes it could cause problems getting too close and personal. But hey you never know a coworker can also be someone that can give you that hug and support when something wrong happens in your life. We all need that from time to time.

I see nothing at all wrong with coworkers at weddings and baby showers. They could want to celebrate with you these great things in your life. If there were some coworkers you don't click with by all means they don't have to be a part of anything. But I feel if you keep so sheltred and closed off you might be missing something great.

Definitely pays to carefully select friends. Friends are someone who is loyal, trusting, caring, respectful, and thoughtful. There is no illusion that when we work, we are getting paid. Many try to tie work and personal life together and blur boundaries, forgetting that many are just there to work, collecting a paycheck. More often than not, drama exists with the blurring of lines in those relationships.

Double-Helix, BSN, RN

Specializes in PICU, Sedation/Radiology, PACU. Has 10 years experience.

Some people at work may very well be good friends. It's not up to you to determine whether their friendships are genuine or a facade. If you don't want to share about your personal life of be a part of conversations about the personal lives of others, then simply don't. If there's an issue being created at work, such as tasks not being completed because of socialization, then address it with your manager from the standpoint of providing good patient care, rather than the staff being too friendly. If the work is getting done, then I'd just keep your opinions about the matter to yourself.

icuRNmaggie, BSN, RN

Specializes in MICU, SICU, CICU. Has 24 years experience.

I agree with MassED.

It is self preservation.

I hope to have good colleagues with integrity and I am thankful when I do.

If I have very little in common with my coworkers that is okay.

Edited by icuRNmaggie

I agree with you OP, my personal life is sacred to me and I tend to be rather private about my life. There are a few people I am more friendly with at work, however I do not consider them "true" friends. It's just that we happen to spend a lot of time together and share some common traits being co-workers.

It really gets on my nerves when I am constantly solicited for "donations" or "monetary gifts" for co-workers who are getting married, having a baby, had a relative pass away, yada, yada, yada...when I barely interact with these people at work. 99% of the time, I just ignore the text or note and do not participate. I do not have any desire to develop all these "artificial" relationships with people I work with. I know I probably sound like a grump, I just would rather spend my time and energy on my family and the few genuine friends that are dear to me.

The less people know the better.

I sometimes feel the same way...Ppl at my job are clicky and many don't talk to me so I keep to myself...many smile in your face and talk crap about

You behind your back...I feel left out sometimes but I've heard it's safer to not get too close with coworkers.....

MassED, BSN, RN

Specializes in ER. Has 15 years experience.

Some people at work may very well be good friends. It's not up to you to determine whether their friendships are genuine or a facade. If you don't want to share about your personal life of be a part of conversations about the personal lives of others, then simply don't. If there's an issue being created at work, such as tasks not being completed because of socialization, then address it with your manager from the standpoint of providing good patient care, rather than the staff being too friendly. If the work is getting done, then I'd just keep your opinions about the matter to yourself.

Your entire post is completely unnecessary. I have been in this game a while and know when people are being manipulated or two faced. I have learned that friendships and loyalty do not occur overnight. Often there is high drama and high turnover, especially in hospital nursing.

Many things do not need to be brought to a manager, they have much more pressing matters. If you cannot relate, then kindly do not respond.

Edited by MassED

icuRNmaggie, BSN, RN

Specializes in MICU, SICU, CICU. Has 24 years experience.

It is bad for business to form very personal relationships at work.

I have seen and experienced a lot of immature behavior in the workplace.

It is better for me personally to keep it on a professional level.

Edited by icuRNmaggie

Your entire post is completely unnecessary. I have been in this game a while and know when people are being manipulated or two faced. I have learned that friendships and loyalty do not occur overnight. Often there is high drama and high turnover, especially in hospital nursing.

Many things do not need to be brought to a manager, they have much more pressing matters. If you cannot relate, then kindly do not respond.

Who peed on your cornflakes? Ashley PICU RN's post was polite and reasonable, just not in accordance with your opinion. A discussion is an exchange of opinions, whether we agree with them or not. You'd think a Guide would know that.

TheCommuter, BSN, RN

Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych. Has 15 years experience.

I think the over-sharing is a sign of the times. In this day and age, many people depend on their places of employment for their social needs because their personal lives are lacking something intangible.

As technology has increased over the past two decades, the number of quality relationships in peoples' personal lives has decreased. After all, a lonely person in 2014 can entertain themselves with World of Warcraft, Facebook, Twitter, Netflix, Youtube, smartphones and an array of other goodies that did not exist 20 years ago. I'm conjecturing that many of these people use the workplace to drown out the emptiness in their personal lives.

A large number of people use the workplace to fulfill their needs for personal validation, socialization, ego stroking, friendship, companionship, entertainment, and an overall sense of belonging to some group. Some of our coworkers are overly dependent on their jobs for these needs.

People seemed to have fuller lives, true friendships, and better social skills a couple of decades ago. This is my personal opinion, so take it with a grain of salt and/or use it as you wish.

RNperdiem, RN

Has 14 years experience.

You work in a place that is young, female, single and (I am guessing), American born? Welcome to ground zero in the land of overshare. I tend to find that the work/personal life separation increases as people get older, marry, have families and build a life independent of work. Foreign born people were usually raised with more reserve about personal information.

You don't have to play along, if you don't want to. Politely decline invitations, keep a good working relationship with your coworkers and be good to your friends.

MassED, BSN, RN

Specializes in ER. Has 15 years experience.

You work in a place that is young, female, single and (I am guessing), American born? Welcome to ground zero in the land of overshare. I tend to find that the work/personal life separation increases as people get older, marry, have families and build a life independent of work. Foreign born people were usually raised with more reserve about personal information.

You don't have to play along, if you don't want to. Politely decline invitations, keep a good working relationship with your coworkers and be good to your friends.

I agree that as we mature and grow, with the realization of how the world works, you tend to draw your personal world in closer to you.

xoemmylouox, ASN, RN

Has 13 years experience.

Well a handful of my coworkers are my closest friends. They have become more of a family to me than many of my own family members.

The rest I don't share anything with because I know they only want to know info to use it against you. I don't FB them, I don't go to their parties, but if their children are fundraising for things I feel passionate about I will support their cause.