Family just doesn't get it!!!!!!!

[AngelfireRN, MSN, RN, APRN]

Hi all, venting again.

We took my GF to the hospital last Sunday, he had a fever and chills, and was disoriented. God knows how long he had been feeling bad, but this was as soon as he told us. My mother went bats, demanded that I get right over there, even though I told her she needed to call EMS if it was that bad. I got there, and the house was 84 degrees! (Chills, much?)

I listened to him, VS were otherwise stable (my family thinks VS are gold), lungs were clear, just a high fever that he had had "a couple days" and that he had taken "some ASA for". No degrees, no milligrams, just some.

We got to the ER, labs were great, except for WBC of 11.3. Fever came down with one dose of Tylenol (imagine that). Delirium resolved. Doc and I talked and concurred that it was likely a virus (I'm in grad school, make rounds in this ER), and decided that I would care for him at home, no abx necessary, which I also agreed with. I don't believe in throwing abx at everything.

Fast forward, he does OK for a couple days, but, as you know, things change. That is why they tell you to FOLLOW UP with your doc. The ER made a follow-up call to check on him and offer abx if he was not better. He's running a fever again. The thing is, GF won't do anything for himself, my Mama has to do it for him. So her take on this is that the ER did not do their job. Apparently, the whole of the medical profession is an idiot, including me by extension.

Her words, "If he needs abx now, he needed them then." Well, maybe not so much. They wanted to know why they had to go in for a recheck, could they not just look at what they had and call something in.

And the cream......my cousin is also a nurse...she told her mother, my aunt, that "Based on his age (81) and his pacemaker, and the fact that they do not know what he has been around, they should have given abx. His WBC were on the low side of normal, he needed it for a 'boost'"

Since when is a WBC count of 11.3 low? What 'boost' could she mean? And of course, the rest of the family took it for gospel. Never mind the fact that she was clinically wrong about a very basic nursing fact. I pointed that out, proved it to myself when I got home with my Pathophysiology text (please correct me if we're both wrong, book says 5-10,000mm3 is norm), and still they side with her. Fine. So be it. These people could not be bothered to take GF to the doctor this week, would not hear of it ("He's better) yet they want to rip me apart for not 'doing anything'. The man does not have sense enough to check his own temp, family that stays with him does not, lets him sit there, glassy-eyed and burning up, and does nothing. And it's my fault and the ER docs fault because we did not give abx for a condition that did not require it AT THE TIME OF TX! I don't have prescriptive authority yet anyway. After this, I'm not sure I want it.

The fact that I explained that ER care is for EMERGENT tx only and that they should have gotten him to the doc Monday or Tuesday has no effect. It's the ER's and my fault, we didn't give him abx. Did I mention that no one asked for them while we were AT THE ER?

What can I do? I have already told them that since they don't see fit to accept the fact that I might know about labs a tiny bit more than a lay person, and that they seem to think I don't know what I am doing, that I would rather they did not come to me for advice. Since they think my cousin is so wonderful, they can call her. If she thinks an 11.3 WBC is low, I hate to think what she considers high (minor mistake, maybe, but it was pointed out in a setting and in a way as to make me look a fool). I am so mad i can not think right now and any advice, atta girl, or commisseration would be appreciated. Thank you for reading my novel.

[Gauge]

Well I'm sorry to hear that. I definately don't know what that other nurse is thinking....5-10k is the only normal range for WBCs...just had my diagnostic studies test earlier this week actually and got a 93 (highest grade I ever made on a nursing test!). Not sure what kind of "boost" abx give....no clue there. I just wouldn't fool with the family if it was me, they obviously chose to take advice from the other person who doesn't know what they are talking about and also has less education than you. Good luck.

[caliotter3]

Through the years I've found that it is usually best to stay out of medical situations with family members. I don't care for the flack and I can get plenty of criticism from work without having to get the perpetual put downs from the family. Helps with my HTN.

[ebear, BSN, RN]

Angelfire,

I know EXACTLY how you feel,girl! I am going through the very same thing with my father-in-law. My SIL is also an RN who is giving the family entirely wrong information about his surgery and treatment while he is in the hospital. Having been an RN for 30+ years, I do have a little sense. Her entire nursing experience is pediatrics but they think whatever she says is gospel. I decided that I would stay COMPLETELY out of it and don't answer any of the family's questions, but refer them back to the doctor. It keeps me from pulling my hair out. Good luck!

ebear

[AngelfireRN, MSN, RN, APRN]

Oh, believe me, I've tried to stay out of it. No dice. I got DRAGGED out of bed that morning by my ape-going mother (I'm married and 27 years old to boot). Nothing would do but I come right over. None of my advice is ever taken, and this sitch usually happens each time she thinks GF is not "right". Whatever I think is invariably wrong. But if I say I'd rather not get involved? Heck, take me outta the will. I'm the B from you-know-where.

Just can not win.

[JBudd, MSN]

{{{{{{{Oh, girlfriend}}}}}}}}}

Next time mom calls, tell her to call the cousin that tells her what she wants to hear, rather than you for an educated answer that is correct. Then hang up. If she calls back, tell her you'll only get involved if EVERYONE does exactly what you say.

Well, we can dream about it working can't we?

So sorry you have to do this. Everyone at my church wants me to explain things for them, which I often do in a teaching mode (and I get a lot of, "oh, so that's why..."). Small church, all like family, so I do it. But I'm really good at, "you should call your doctor about that".

[Virgo_RN, BSN, RN]

I'm sorry. That sounds like a very frustrating situation.

[bigjim]

We teach people how to treat us. The situation sucks, but only you can stop it. I wish you luck. You seem like a nice person, and family can be near impossible sometimes.

[RN1982]

I don't even bother explaining anything to my family, except my parents and sister. Anyone else gets referred to their doctor.

[pagandeva2000, LPN]

I had a friend who is an RN who got caught in a situation with a friend (sounds like he-say, she-say..right?). Her friend was pregnant and was ordered to be on bedrest. My RN buddy went to visit her and this woman wanted to go shopping, and told her that "I'll be okay with you along, since you are a nurse". I begged this girl not to go with her. She did-fortunately, nothing happened. But, I told my friend that if something had happened, this woman would have tried to compromise her with guilt and a law suit because while they went under the guise of friendship, this woman made it obvious (to me) that she expected some sort of nursing care should something happen to her. When it is a friend or relative, we may not think as clearly as we would with a person we have no emotional connection with. Now, this woman calls her with all of her afterbirth issues and infant care advice. I want to leave nursing aside when I am not on duty, and experience tells me that when people perceive an opportunity for $$, friendship and loyalty goes out of the window.

[xoemmylouox, ASN, RN]

I had a friend who is an RN who got caught in a situation with a friend (sounds like he-say, she-say..right?). Her friend was pregnant and was ordered to be on bedrest. My RN buddy went to visit her and this woman wanted to go shopping, and told her that "I'll be okay with you along, since you are a nurse". I begged this girl not to go with her. She did-fortunately, nothing happened. But, I told my friend that if something had happened, this woman would have tried to compromise her with guilt and a law suit because while they went under the guise of friendship, this woman made it obvious (to me) that she expected some sort of nursing care should something happen to her. When it is a friend or relative, we may not think as clearly as we would with a person we have no emotional connection with. Now, this woman calls her with all of her afterbirth issues and infant care advice. I want to leave nursing aside when I am not on duty, and experience tells me that when people perceive an opportunity for $$, friendship and loyalty goes out of the window.

Exactly! My BF mom broke her arm. Insead of hiring a home nurse to help while she healed her POA expected me to do her care. I said no way. My BF agrees. He understands no good deed goes unpunished, especially with family.

[DDRN4me]

((Angelfire)) Believe me, I understand, my Nanna is 99 ..and getting quite senile. forgets basic stuff like adls and what a toaster is. lives alone .

my aunt ; and my cousin go "check on her " (read 5 minutes 3x/day)

have some caregivers/housekeepers in but refuse to get a nurse or HHAs who know something in.

Cousin is an LPN who hasnt done pt care in >7 yrs. Aunt has no medical background.

they call me for advice (I am >300 miles away) and then ignore evry stinkin word i say.

my mom pulled the same thing on me last time she was there.

told her i'm done . finished. dont ask me for advice if you are going to ignore it. I am her granddaughter, nothing more. If you think you know it all then go for it. I feel bad but what else can i do to preserve my own sanity??

sorry to hijack the thread... you really hit a sore spot. PM me any time to vent !! Mary