Be honest--do you ever the patients you take care of, even just a little bit?
It probably sounds wrong, but I often do envy the patients I take care of. Ultimately, they get to choose their schedule their way. If they want to sleep in, they can. If they want to stay up all night, that's their choice, too. They don't have to wake up to any responsibilities. They can sit around and watch TV all day, read, color, or pretty much whatever they like. They're able to order around staff members and can get upset when things aren't just the way they want, and get away with it. However, if I were to start demanding things from others...well, you can guess how well that would go. I wish I could have a call light to press every time I needed every single little thing. One patient stays in bed all day and all night, except when she goes to the bathroom; as someone who loves to sleep, I would totally love to have that life. Instead, I get to work two jobs and some nights get barely 5 hours of sleep while they do basically nothing all day and have all the time in the world to sleep.
Is there any way to speed up my life so I can finally reach the age where I get to sleep all day, lol?
This thread really does bring to light the level of burn-out nurses can feel. When you get to the point that you would rather be sick instead of working is telling of the level of stress.
OP if it is possible, see if you can use a "sick day" for your own mental well-being. Lack of sleep over time can really take a toll on your body.
I remember once in nursing school, I was so stressed, 4-5 hours of sleep a night for weeks, worried about moving, school, boards, finishing school, that I left the house one morning without shoes, I did not notice until my feet hit the wet pavement!.
I realized I needed sleep and a day off which I did take. Even though that event happened over 10 years ago, it still is a good reminder to me of the level of stress and how I do not want to get back to that point.
It sound like the OP is nearing the end of a rope.
Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.
You are right, I was not particularly kind to the OP. My son died at age 13 from AML and complications resulting from sustained neutropenia post BMT. He didn't get to do ANYTHING he wanted to do. That anyone with a healthy body and a life to seize would wish it away really gets my hackles up, though I am not sure I identified that in the moment of my anger.
Purplegal, I am sorry I said you should not be a nurse. I hope you get help for what is obviously an ongoing issue in need of addressing so that you can be happy in your life.
Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.
Only thing I can say that I've ever envied about certain patients (I do PD, no facility work anymore) is that they OBVIOUSLY have a really competent financial manager, to be able to live in the luxury they do and afford CG's 24/7. I could do w/o the caregivers, but just to feel secure in my finances would be lovely.
ps: I don't know where the income would come from to build up that kind of account; since I've retired, I work as a CNA and get all of $12/hr before taxes.
sometimes it would be nice to be on the receiving end, rather than on the giving end and still not being appreciated at all.
Your boyfriend you posted about a few posts ago seems to also be contributing to these feelings you're having based off what you wrote.
Purplegal, you sound unhappy. You probably NEED a change, quit that second tech job, work on your career advancement and find a job you like and if that boyfriend you talked about doesn't come around quick, kick him to the curb.
Speaking as someone who endured 7 months of chemo and a bone marrow transplant, you are seriously immature and misguided. Sorry but not sorry, it was not fun being bedridden and tired as crap all the time. I literally cried everyday about the life I was missing as a 22 year old. I'm now 27 and healthy and I thank my lucky stars for it everyday.
Granted, I haven't read the entire thread, but I want to take one moment to not defend the OP, but remind us to have empathy.
The OP said that s/he is working two jobs and often times gets 5 hours of sleep a night. While I have never envied a patient, I've also never been in the OPs exact position. We don't know exactly what they're going through in their personal life or their situation.
Fatigue, caregiver burnout, and emotional/physical exhaustion are all very real things. Envying a patient sounds irrational, but it also doesn't sound too far off from feelings someone may have who is completely exhausted and at the end of their rope, yet to survive must continue to care for others even when their own gas tank is empty. And yes, I get it, the OP chose nursing, but I think what matters is the "right now." Regardless of why or how the OP chose nursing, and whether it's the right path for them, should be secondary to the fact that they are currently a nurse and caring for patients. If patients are a high priority, then caring for and having empathy for the OP and helping them feel heard should be a top priority. Happier nurse, happier patients.
The OP is probably experiencing some level of burnout. The OP may not have the ability to switch jobs, cut their hours, or advance/change their career just yet so they feel stuck in a perpetual state of unhappiness, exhaustion, and having to care for others above all even if that means sacrificing the most basic care they themselves need to stay grounded. It's not surprising that the OP is feeling envy for their patients if the OP believes that they are taking care of every whim and need of their patients when they can't even take care of themselves. If the OP is experiencing burnout and their emotional gas tank is empty, it doesn't seem far off to want someone to care for them for once. To have the chance to sleep and not run in the rat race.
Again, I myself have not experienced this, but I believe the OP might need some empathy and caring here. Nursing has a high percentage of burnout, but something we can do for that is allow our peers to express their feelings openly, in the proper setting, and without fear of judgement.
So OP, no, I have not personally experienced this. I do wonder if these feelings could be a reflection of something deeper, and possibly burnout. I wish you luck in all that you do and (although you sound extremely busy) try and look for ways to do some self care.
-HermioneG
Generally speaking, I agree with you. And I think the responses would have had more empathy had any been displayed by the OP when people started sharing their very personal stories to help her understand why her line of thought was flawed.
There was no response at all. This poster (IMO) has a history of starting controversial threads and then never returning to them and many of her posts are rather callous. So either she genuinely lacks the ability to connect with people on an emotional level, or she just doesn't give a crap.
I don't envy being sick and unable to do things for yourself. I don't envy having tubes in your orifices. I don't envy being poked and prodded multiple times a day by well meaning staff. I don't envy sitting on my own pee and poop and waiting for someone to clean me up because I lack the ability to toilet myself. I don't envy not sleeping well and/or not getting any quality sleep. I don't envy not being able to eat what I want and do what I want.
As for sleeping in bed all day...that's what days off are for.
I've been a patient... more than once. It's an experience that I hope to avoid until the very end of my life... and only hospice at that.
Pain and nausea. Uncertainty and fear. Being awakened for vital signs and shift assessments and MD rounds and PT. Being tethered to an IV. Stuck in an uncomfortable bed eating crappy food, pooping in a bed pan or a commode. Being forced to listen to my neighbor's snoring or crying; smelling his farts and poop; Having nurses dig around to start IVs in my hand which hurt like eff; Pushing a call light and waiting 20 minutes for help; listening to the demented old lady across the hall scream at all hours.
And in my case, if I spend more than 7 hours in bed, my arthritis kicks my @$$.
No, I do not envy my patients one bit. Many of them are very sick and are in tough situations. I realized how much I do not envy them yesterday when I was a patient after passing out and having an eleveated WBC count. I was scared to death.
RNNPICU, BSN, RN
1,310 Posts
This thread really does bring to light the level of burn-out nurses can feel. When you get to the point that you would rather be sick instead of working is telling of the level of stress.
OP if it is possible, see if you can use a "sick day" for your own mental well-being. Lack of sleep over time can really take a toll on your body.
I remember once in nursing school, I was so stressed, 4-5 hours of sleep a night for weeks, worried about moving, school, boards, finishing school, that I left the house one morning without shoes, I did not notice until my feet hit the wet pavement!.
I realized I needed sleep and a day off which I did take. Even though that event happened over 10 years ago, it still is a good reminder to me of the level of stress and how I do not want to get back to that point.
It sound like the OP is nearing the end of a rope.