Be honest--do you ever the patients you take care of, even just a little bit?
It probably sounds wrong, but I often do envy the patients I take care of. Ultimately, they get to choose their schedule their way. If they want to sleep in, they can. If they want to stay up all night, that's their choice, too. They don't have to wake up to any responsibilities. They can sit around and watch TV all day, read, color, or pretty much whatever they like. They're able to order around staff members and can get upset when things aren't just the way they want, and get away with it. However, if I were to start demanding things from others...well, you can guess how well that would go. I wish I could have a call light to press every time I needed every single little thing. One patient stays in bed all day and all night, except when she goes to the bathroom; as someone who loves to sleep, I would totally love to have that life. Instead, I get to work two jobs and some nights get barely 5 hours of sleep while they do basically nothing all day and have all the time in the world to sleep.
Is there any way to speed up my life so I can finally reach the age where I get to sleep all day, lol?
Please keep in mind that there is a reason these people are living where they are (where they are is not a personal residence-it has been institutionalized). Some may still have their physical abilities but have mental deficits that make them unsafe to live alone.
Also keep in mind they they (or the taxpayer if not self pay/insured) are paying a very pretty penny for the services that include you, the health care worker who is being PAID to provide care. Bedside nursing is not for everyone.
I have a family member who suffered from major depression. Had many of the desires that you have stated. She became a CNA, thinking she'd enjoy "helping people" but she grew to hate it and that's when I saw her mental illness spiral out of control. She ultimately quit her job, was taken in by family who enabled her to do so, slept all day, and started not taking care of herself. I would HATE to live like that.
Sometimes it's easy to forget that when they are seemingly able to do everything by themselves. If they were, they'd be living on their own. And you're right, they do pay a considerable amount. With $300/day, it's $9000 a month or $108,000/year. I imagine that would be difficult for most people to come up with. Heck, I don't make nearly that mount every year, so not sure how they do it. So, although it may seem annoying at times, you are right, they are paying to receive assistance.
It seems as if I can somehow relate to who you're describing, as I have issues with depression myself and I went into nursing for the same reasons, because I felt I would enjoy taking care of others. However, mine seems to be somewhat under control as I do take care of myself and am still managing to keep both jobs. I feel like I can see how something like that would happen, though.
Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.
There's something called The Fudge Factor. It basically posits that if you worked in a fudge factory and are able to have all the free fudge any time you want it, it wouldn't take to long before you'd be sick of fudge and not care if you ever saw another piece of fudge again.
I imagine the same would go for lolling about in bed. Someone up above my post said she/he can't stay in bed for much more than 7 hours before the arthritic pain causes them to HAVE TO get up!
Stretching awake on a lounging sofa, someone brings you orange juice w/ champagne, and a cup of coffee, a scone w/ butter, a soft-boiled egg and a small bowl of fruit. As you sigh contently and sit up, you call out to the back of the person leaving the room, "Dearie, before you go, peel me a grape..."
"Dearie" would be grinding her teeth and trying not to get caught rolling her eyes.
Granted, I haven't read the entire thread, but I want to take one moment to not defend the OP, but remind us to have empathy.
The OP said that s/he is working two jobs and often times gets 5 hours of sleep a night. While I have never envied a patient, I've also never been in the OPs exact position. We don't know exactly what they're going through in their personal life or their situation.
Fatigue, caregiver burnout, and emotional/physical exhaustion are all very real things. Envying a patient sounds irrational, but it also doesn't sound too far off from feelings someone may have who is completely exhausted and at the end of their rope, yet to survive must continue to care for others even when their own gas tank is empty. And yes, I get it, the OP chose nursing, but I think what matters is the "right now." Regardless of why or how the OP chose nursing, and whether it's the right path for them, should be secondary to the fact that they are currently a nurse and caring for patients. If patients are a high priority, then caring for and having empathy for the OP and helping them feel heard should be a top priority. Happier nurse, happier patients.
The OP is probably experiencing some level of burnout. The OP may not have the ability to switch jobs, cut their hours, or advance/change their career just yet so they feel stuck in a perpetual state of unhappiness, exhaustion, and having to care for others above all even if that means sacrificing the most basic care they themselves need to stay grounded. It's not surprising that the OP is feeling envy for their patients if the OP believes that they are taking care of every whim and need of their patients when they can't even take care of themselves. If the OP is experiencing burnout and their emotional gas tank is empty, it doesn't seem far off to want someone to care for them for once. To have the chance to sleep and not run in the rat race.
Again, I myself have not experienced this, but I believe the OP might need some empathy and caring here. Nursing has a high percentage of burnout, but something we can do for that is allow our peers to express their feelings openly, in the proper setting, and without fear of judgement.
So OP, no, I have not personally experienced this. I do wonder if these feelings could be a reflection of something deeper, and possibly burnout. I wish you luck in all that you do and (although you sound extremely busy) try and look for ways to do some self care.
-HermioneG
Thank you for a post that is understanding of perspectives of both sides of things.
Generally speaking, I agree with you. And I think the responses would have had more empathy had any been displayed by the OP when people started sharing their very personal stories to help her understand why her line of thought was flawed.
There was no response at all. This poster (IMO) has a history of starting controversial threads and then never returning to them and many of her posts are rather callous. So either she genuinely lacks the ability to connect with people on an emotional level, or she just doesn't give a crap.
A huge reason why there are not always immediate replies on my end is the fact that I do have two jobs, and therefore, obviously can't go on AllNurses.com every time there is a reply. However, I do understand how this thread may appear to others, especially those that have genuinely experienced medical issues. It would take me all day to respond to every single person, but I am apologetic to those who have been offended in one way or another by this post, especially those who have shared their own personal struggles. Sometimes, when I am posting threads, it is under "the heat of the moment," and so careful thought is not always put into them and could perhaps be seen as "venting threads."
Are your patients in a hospital because they are acutely ill? Not a life I would want.
It sounds like you need to adjust your life so that you have more time to relax. It's messing with your perspective.
I work with elderly patients so they are chronically ill, not generally acutely ill. However, my perspective usually does change after awhile away from work. It's almost like I'm a very healthy person, at least physically, but don't necessarily have the "benefits" of being healthy because I'm constantly at work. If I had time, I could enjoy myself, but I'm always scheduled for one shift or another. I basically work 29-30 out of 30 or 31 days of the month.
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
I work with elderly patients so they are chronically ill, not generally acutely ill. However, my perspective usually does change after awhile away from work. It's almost like I'm a very healthy person, at least physically, but don't necessarily have the "benefits" of being healthy because I'm constantly at work. If I had time, I could enjoy myself, but I'm always scheduled for one shift or another. I basically work 29-30 out of 30 or 31 days of the month.
A huge reason why there are not always immediate replies on my end is the fact that I do have two jobs, and therefore, obviously can't go on AllNurses.com every time there is a reply. However, I do understand how this thread may appear to others, especially those that have genuinely experienced medical issues. It would take me all day to respond to every single person, but I am apologetic to those who have been offended in one way or another by this post, especially those who have shared their own personal struggles. Sometimes, when I am posting threads, it is under "the heat of the moment," and so careful thought is not always put into them and could perhaps be seen as "venting threads."
Thanks for explaining. I hope you can figure out a schedule that allows you more time for yourself.
Specializes in Med/Surge, Psych, LTC, Home Health.
I envy the little babies I care for because they have their whole lives ahead of them and they can sleep all day and in a warm isolette. I am approaching my late twenties and am already almost a third way done with my life.
I would never envy the elderly. Ever heard of the saying, "youth is wasted on the young"? It is a saying for a reason.
This is the story of my life, lol. I can remember being 17 years old, having just
graduated from high school, and just feeling so OLD, like my life was over! I can
remember spending most of my 20's in a haze of both anxiety and stupid
decisions. Now that I'm 44, I feel amazing mentally, well most of the time. :)
But I would love to be younger and feeling this way!
That one sentence explains everything!
purplegal
432 Posts
Sometimes it's easy to forget that when they are seemingly able to do everything by themselves. If they were, they'd be living on their own. And you're right, they do pay a considerable amount. With $300/day, it's $9000 a month or $108,000/year. I imagine that would be difficult for most people to come up with. Heck, I don't make nearly that mount every year, so not sure how they do it. So, although it may seem annoying at times, you are right, they are paying to receive assistance.
It seems as if I can somehow relate to who you're describing, as I have issues with depression myself and I went into nursing for the same reasons, because I felt I would enjoy taking care of others. However, mine seems to be somewhat under control as I do take care of myself and am still managing to keep both jobs. I feel like I can see how something like that would happen, though.