Be honest--do you ever the patients you take care of, even just a little bit?
It probably sounds wrong, but I often do envy the patients I take care of. Ultimately, they get to choose their schedule their way. If they want to sleep in, they can. If they want to stay up all night, that's their choice, too. They don't have to wake up to any responsibilities. They can sit around and watch TV all day, read, color, or pretty much whatever they like. They're able to order around staff members and can get upset when things aren't just the way they want, and get away with it. However, if I were to start demanding things from others...well, you can guess how well that would go. I wish I could have a call light to press every time I needed every single little thing. One patient stays in bed all day and all night, except when she goes to the bathroom; as someone who loves to sleep, I would totally love to have that life. Instead, I get to work two jobs and some nights get barely 5 hours of sleep while they do basically nothing all day and have all the time in the world to sleep.
Is there any way to speed up my life so I can finally reach the age where I get to sleep all day, lol?
I can't for the life of me come up with a good reason for a 26 y/o single woman with no children feels compelled to work 29 days a month. That cannot be healthy on any level. OP will burn out fast at this pace AT BEST.
OP, cut down on your schedule. If you bought a house and have to work 29 days out of 30 to pay for it, get rid of it. Trying to pay off student loans? Admirable, but those loans aren't going to suck the life out of you as quickly as working too much will. Even for a young person, a long life is not guaranteed. Life is too short to spend all of it at work. Your schedule is bound to have warped your perspective. By your own admission, even when you go home and see your boyfriend with the little free time you do have, the two of you only talk about work. That is no life imo.
I've seen you post here and I've always liked you. From your posts it's clear that you're extremely smart and have a good head on your shoulders.
With that being said, in reference to the bolded, I think that we should have the capacity to have both compassion and understanding for the person who posted them and also be sensitive to the feelings of the people that the words were about. We should be careful not to set up some kind of false dichotomy where we can have understanding and compassion for only one or the other. Where either the OP is justified in her feelings and to hell with the people she was talking about, or the OP is completely wrong in what she said and we must be offended for those that she made comments about. We should be able to see it from both sides, I think. Take into consideration her personal struggles and that she probably posted in the heat of the moment, before we let ourselves take it personally.
You said yourself, people weren't necessarily upset about the sentiment behind her words, but the language she used. She apologized for that, and it didn't seem like they were an accurate representation of the sentiment behind them.
Ultimately, though, you do you. That's just my thoughts on the subject. I, myself, have struggled with a congenital and chronic issue that had a huge impact on my childhood. It's hard to read someone be so flippant about thinks like wellness, but in the end the OP doesn't have enough insight to deserve my outrage. Only my compassion, since she doesn't know what she means.
And I acknowledged her apology, thanked her for it and let it go - I'm not mad, and I was never really offended, as I stated in my original post. The only reason I felt compelled to post again was because of the "I'm so disappointed in people that are judging her" sentiment. It's one of my pet peeves. I really, really dislike when people try to moderate how other people feel or react by using shame or guilt. There are much better ways to stand up for the OP, or try to diffuse a situation without resorting to that nonsense, as you and Emergent displayed. I hate being chastised.
That was the only reason I posted again. It really had nothing to do with the OP, and everything to do with the person I quoted.
And I acknowledged her apology, thanked her for it and let it go - I'm not mad, and I was never really offended, as I stated in my original post. The only reason I felt compelled to post again was because of the "I'm so disappointed in people that are judging her" sentiment. It's one of my pet peeves. I really, really dislike when people try to moderate how other people feel or react by using shame or guilt. There are much better ways to stand up for the OP, or try to diffuse a situation without resorting to that nonsense, as you and Emergent displayed. I hate being chastised.
That was the only reason I posted again. It really had nothing to do with the OP, and everything to do with the person I quoted.
Granted, I haven't read the entire thread, but I want to take one moment to not defend the OP, but remind us to have empathy.
I think that people kind of misunderstood the OP. I am surprised at the harsh negativity of the replies.
We don't know exactly what they're going through in their personal life or their situation.
What I don't like is when our membership indulges in a feeding frenzy when someone, like the OP, posts awkwardly, or uses an unpopular choice of words.
She has been very nice about the whole thing, but I've seen some of that mob mentality come out in this thread.
I think it's ridiculous to get so offended.
But you also cannot argue the experiences of the OP. You have no idea what she suffers with, or has had in the past. It's a shame that you are SO angered by an innocent forum on the internet, I hope that you practice using some sort of relaxation technique when you're working with a patient who comes out with something offensive.
Take into consideration her personal struggles and that she probably posted in the heat of the moment, before we let ourselves take it personally.
(quotes from several posters)
I see that some of you are criticizing some of the replies in this thread. Since neither of you chose to identify which specific posts you were reacting to, the targets of your criticism remain a mystery. You're essentially smearing everyone who has replied in this thread. (Which is why I've lumped your quotes together, instead of replying to you individually as I normally would).
Like most people I don't enjoy being lectured. Especially not by people who probably don't know what motivated me to post what I did, and are likely equally clueless regarding other posters' motivations. If you want to call other posters negative, harsh, accuse them of engaging in mob mentality, lacking empathy and being ridiculous, please show them the courtesy of identifying who you are addressing. Anything less, is in my opinion just being passive-aggressive.
Personally, I don't think that replying without having read the entire thread is optimal and in this specific case, it's actually a good idea to have read all the threads that OP has started. While it won't tell you about everything going on in OP's life, they might offer some insight and could possibly alter your perception/ interpretation of both OP's posts and the replies.
If fifty or a hundred posters all have a similar reaction and the topic is somewhat provocative, resulting in emotional answers, does that equal mob mentality? I don't think so. Shouldn't people be allowed to voice their thoughts just because another twenty posters saw the thread sooner?
Personally, my reply in this thread wasn't given in isolation. It was given in the context of having read many of OP's previous threads and having replied in several of them.
In this particular thread many posters have shared their struggles and I just want to say that my heart goes out to all of you. Your experiences/situations serve as a reminder of how lucky I am to have my health. I don't take it for granted and would never wish it away.
I'm personally not offended by OP's post and I avoid being ridiculous whenever possible My reaction is actually more one of frustration from the lack of progress. So many posters have offered advice that OP has asked for in in other threads, yet she seems to be stuck in the exact same place as she was a year ago. I can't seem to rid myself of the nagging suspicion that all I'm doing by replying to OP's threads, is to enable behavior that isn't constructive.
OP, is the LTC job and the ECG tech jobs that you currently have the two same jobs you had over one year ago? Have you been working 29-30 days per month and sleeping five hours or less per night for the past fourteen months or so? If that's the case, I think you can guess what my advice will be... Sleep deprivation is not healthy in the long run, I don't have to tell you that. Why are you spreading yourself so thin?
If you need to work extra shifts for financial reasons, isn't it better to do it in one place as it removes the time it takes to transport yourself from one facility to another (plus whatever time is wasted due to the shifts hours at the different facilities not being compatible)? I also assume that the tech job pays less than the nursing position? Full time nursing and extra shifts as needed seems like the better option. It would allow you more time off. But you've already received this advice a long time ago.
If I remember correctly, you mentioned that you were hanging on to the tech position because you thought it might be a useful experience for getting an ICU position. Now I'm not in the U.S. and there might be "cultural" differences but I would think that it's acute care experience you need in order to "boost" your chances of getting an ICU position. After a year + you've probably gotten all the value out of the ECG tech experience, that you're likely to get. Balancing your two jobs seem to negatively affect you R&R time and perhaps even your mental energy and ability to make good choices. I can't really see an upside.
I can't see some of the things happening in my life that I'd wished, so yes, I would like to skip forward past the disappointments and live each day as I wish.
It seems as if I can somehow relate to who you're describing, as I have issues with depression myself and I went into nursing for the same reasons, because I felt I would enjoy taking care of others. However, mine seems to be somewhat under control as I do take care of myself and am still managing to keep both jobs.
Purplegal, you are 26! years old. The only thing that's likely not going to happen in your life is you winning a Olympic gold medal in gymnastics unless you started training for it at age six. Everything else is still up for grabs. You seem to have a very bleak, dejected outlook on what your future holds. In my opinion you don't have a realistic perception of all the good things that you can still make happen.
It doesn't seem that the advice that you've received in so many threads has helped you make any substantial, meaningful changes. You say that you are dealing with depression and that may be a factor here. At twenty-six you have your life ahead of you. If you don't see and feel that, please consider reaching out to real life people who are in a much better position to help you than us anonymous internet folks. I think that you could benefit from professional help to help you gain some perspective.
Hi there, macawake, I responded to your post in several points
I see that some of you are criticizing some of the replies in this thread. Since neither of you chose to identify which specific posts you were reacting to, the targets of your criticism remain a mystery. You're essentially smearing everyone who has replied in this thread. (Which is why I've lumped your quotes together, instead of replying to you individually as I normally would).
I chose to not call anyone out in my post because my point wasn't to "call out" anyone, but instead to try and put things in a different perspective and remind all of us (myself included) to try and have empathy. It wasn't to a specific person, but all of us as a whole, and I wasn't interested in starting a flame war with anyone. Either you read it and decide it applies to you, you read it and decide it doesn't apply to you, or read it and don't care. That's the beauty of it. People can decide if they want to get defensive or offended, or they can move on. I very rarely call people out on online forms because too often people get their feelings hurt and it starts a mud slinging contest. I also don't feel like starting a fight on here because I think its immature and petty.
Calling out individuals would escalate the situation and probably make people feel defensive, rather than de-escalate. Personally, it's a little bit frustrating that you've chosen to include me in examples of people that are trying to "smear everyone" when instead I was trying to be kind. It's a shame that you read what I wrote and got defensive from it, but I guess ultimately you're free to feel that way even though it wasn't directed at you. I would also like to point out that I never called anyone ridiculous, or shamed them for reacting the way that they did. If anything, I was trying to see things from both sides and be helpful in doing so. Yes, I didn't read the thread in its entirety because it's long, but I did read enough of it to think that speaking up and trying to see things from her perspective was an appropriate thing to do.
Like most people I don't enjoy being lectured. Especially not by people who probably don't know what motivated me to post what I did, and are likely equally clueless regarding other posters' motivations. If you want to call other posters negative, harsh, accuse them of engaging in mob mentality, lacking empathy and being ridiculous, please show them the courtesy of identifying who you are addressing. Anything less, is in my opinion just being passive-aggressive.
I don't believe that I've lectured you or anyone else. I apologize if it came across that way, it was not my intent. I would like to point out, however, that saying "We don't know exactly what they're going through in their personal life or their situation" sounds pretty non-confrontational and pretty level to me. I don't care what we think we know about the OP, her posts and threads here on allnurses are but a tiny filtered snippet into what her life is truly like. We can read every single one of her posts, analyze it for days, and we still would not know exactly what is going on with her. It's not an opinion, it's a fact. How is that not reasonable? And I do think that I can point that out without it being lecturing or passive aggressive.
Furthermore, when I said "take into consideration her personal struggles and that she probably posted in the heat of the moment, before we let ourselves take it personally" I was responding to a single poster (who I had quoted, by the way) and then I even followed it up with saying pretty much to each their own, "you do you" and that this was just my opinion. The fact that you think that this is preaching, shaming, or anything of the sort is disheartening.
Personally, my reply in this thread wasn't given in isolation. It was given in the context of having read many of OP's previous threads and having replied in several of them.
I, myself, took the time after I commented and looked at the OPs post history. I can see where you're coming from, but I still stand by the fact that we don't know the first thing about what is really going on in her life.
You know what though, in the end, no drama. You do your thing and I will do mine, but I just wanted to respond to your feelings about what I said.
Best wishes
I put my responses in the quote to make it easier for you to read.. thanks for your time.
EDIT: totally random but after re-reading my post, I'm realizing that I need to seriously brush up on my grammar. I still struggle with its/it's, affect/effect, and then/than *sigh*
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
OP, you need to drop your "boyfriend" & drop your second job. I don't know why you feel the need to work so much but even when I was single & childless I didn't work that much. There is no reason to. You sound burnt out already.
You need a much deserved vacation. Then work 1 job & not work the whole month. You need a work/life balance, you don't have that.
OP, you need to drop your "boyfriend" & drop your second job. I don't know why you feel the need to work so much but even when I was single & childless I didn't work that much. There is no reason to. You sound burnt out already.
You need a much deserved vacation. Then work 1 job & not work the whole month. You need a work/life balance, you don't have that.
She started another thread regarding not wanting to speak up about being scheduled for a holiday she wasn't supposed to work.
I definitely agree with other posters that she needs to speak to real life folks to help understand why she makes the choices she does.
People say stupid stuff like this all the time without meaning to insult. I can't tell you the number of times I've been told how "lucky" I am to be single with no kids. Some times I just want to scream back at them how fun it is to be alone all the time especially on the anniversaries of my two miscarriages but I have to remind myself that what they're saying is usually out of stress and they mean no harm. I think the OP is burnt out and spoke out of that. I highly doubt she meant to minimize the health struggles many of us, including myself, have. Yes the post was off-putting but I don't think it was intended to be interpreted the way many of us have. The poster is only 26 and has some growing up to do for sure but that will come with time and maybe some gentle guidance from those of us who know better.
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
She started another thread regarding not wanting to speak up about being scheduled for a holiday she wasn't supposed to work.
I definitely agree with other posters that she needs to speak to real life folks to help understand why she makes the choices she does.
Which job was it that she scheduled to work a holiday where she wasn't originally suppose to? She should just quit her boyfriend & tech job. There's no reason to work her tech job. If she works only 1 job then she won't have this issue of burning out & over scheduling.
She definitely needs to speak to a therapist & psychologist about why she is working all month & 2 jobs. Also keeping a boyfriend who clearly isn't interested in her.
It sounds like you are under a lot of stress and maybe need to try and take something off your plate?
I agree with ivyleaf, the OP seems to have burnout which is reasonable after working 2 jobs. I've worked three jobs for a time and it sucks the life out of you. You have to schedule yourself a vacation and get some off time.
Be honest--do you ever the patients you take care of, even just a little bit?
It probably sounds wrong, but I often do envy the patients I take care of. Ultimately, they get to choose their schedule their way. If they want to sleep in, they can. If they want to stay up all night, that's their choice, too. They don't have to wake up to any responsibilities. They can sit around and watch TV all day, read, color, or pretty much whatever they like. They're able to order around staff members and can get upset when things aren't just the way they want, and get away with it. However, if I were to start demanding things from others...well, you can guess how well that would go. I wish I could have a call light to press every time I needed every single little thing. One patient stays in bed all day and all night, except when she goes to the bathroom; as someone who loves to sleep, I would totally love to have that life. Instead, I get to work two jobs and some nights get barely 5 hours of sleep while they do basically nothing all day and have all the time in the world to sleep.
Is there any way to speed up my life so I can finally reach the age where I get to sleep all day, lol?
I think you're just low on sleep if you think it's enjoyable to have your every move controlled by someone else, your every move on camera or under the scrutiny of workers.
No real privacy, very little free will.
Get more sleep. Live on less money if you have to. Get more sleep.
My reaction is actually more one of frustration from the lack of progress. So many posters have offered advice that OP has asked for in in other threads, yet she seems to be stuck in the exact same place as she was a year ago. I can't seem to rid myself of the nagging suspicion that all I'm doing by replying to OP's threads, is to enable behavior that isn't constructive. 
Horseshoe, BSN, RN
5,879 Posts
I can't for the life of me come up with a good reason for a 26 y/o single woman with no children feels compelled to work 29 days a month. That cannot be healthy on any level. OP will burn out fast at this pace AT BEST.
OP, cut down on your schedule. If you bought a house and have to work 29 days out of 30 to pay for it, get rid of it. Trying to pay off student loans? Admirable, but those loans aren't going to suck the life out of you as quickly as working too much will. Even for a young person, a long life is not guaranteed. Life is too short to spend all of it at work. Your schedule is bound to have warped your perspective. By your own admission, even when you go home and see your boyfriend with the little free time you do have, the two of you only talk about work. That is no life imo.