Does anyone else ever envy their patients?

Nurses General Nursing

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Be honest--do you ever the patients you take care of, even just a little bit?

It probably sounds wrong, but I often do envy the patients I take care of. Ultimately, they get to choose their schedule their way. If they want to sleep in, they can. If they want to stay up all night, that's their choice, too. They don't have to wake up to any responsibilities. They can sit around and watch TV all day, read, color, or pretty much whatever they like. They're able to order around staff members and can get upset when things aren't just the way they want, and get away with it. However, if I were to start demanding things from others...well, you can guess how well that would go. I wish I could have a call light to press every time I needed every single little thing. One patient stays in bed all day and all night, except when she goes to the bathroom; as someone who loves to sleep, I would totally love to have that life. Instead, I get to work two jobs and some nights get barely 5 hours of sleep while they do basically nothing all day and have all the time in the world to sleep.

Is there any way to speed up my life so I can finally reach the age where I get to sleep all day, lol?

Specializes in PICU.

OP it sounds like you need to make some adjustments in life. You may need to quit you tech job, focus on your nurse job. Also, it sounds like you may need a vacation to give yourself a break, even if it is just for a few days. Spend some time with your mom, just the two of you, or with some female friends. Life always has its up and downs, there are some days I would love to hang out at the pool and really do nothing... that is normal feelings. I would love for someone to come and ring me food and drinks. When I go on vacation that is exactly what will happen, but also vacation is not what pays the rent. Some years are just better than others. Sometimes you have to make big decisions and it can cause a lot of stress.

Stress can play games with you and cause you not to think as clearly.

For the others I do not think OP was trying to insinuate that being ill was all fun and games. I think she is just stressed and isn't seeing things clearly.

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Specializes in ER.

For the others I do not think OP was trying to insinuate that being ill was all fun and games. I think she is just stressed and isn't seeing things clearly.

I'm glad you said this. I totally agree, and hope others can take a deep breath and not take purplegal's post personally.

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Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.

Pixie Rose you & your mother areare in my thoughts.

Have you ever been hospitalized? I take it you haven't became if you have you wouldn't have made this post. The last place I wanna be when I'm that sick is the hospital. You don't get to sleep in, you are disturbed because they have to check your vitals. The bed is not that comfortable. I do not stay up all night by choice.

You obviously need to see a psychiatrist & need to cut back on your jobs. Why are you working 2 jobs?

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Op, based on this and other posts of yours, at minimum I think you are a passenger in your own life, with some sort of distorted perception of the experience of others.

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Specializes in SICU, trauma, neuro.

Given the alternative, I'll take the responsibility of everyday life.

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Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.

The more I see from you, purplegal, the stronger my feeling is that you really should not be a nurse. Please go find something that is going to make you happy. However, if you think laying in bed all day would be that thing, you will eventually find out the hard way how much of your life you are wasting with such wishes. Chances are you will then wish you did not have to lay in bed all day.

Pain in life is inevitable but suffering is a choice. Get treatment for your issues. Seriously.

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Specializes in Pedi.
I would definitely agree with the lack of responsibility. They wake up, go to bed as they wish. If they want to stay in bed all day, they can because they have no job to go to. I generally can't get away with staying in bed all day because I have to go to work, and the only times I can do so are when I'm very sick. I work two jobs, they watch TV all day long, and get more sleep than I do.

You don't honestly believe that responsibilities go away when one is ill, do you?

If I were to get ill and have to go on FMLA, my bills would still need to be paid, my dogs would still need to be taken care of, etc. And, given the current political climate in this country, losing my health insurance over my many pre-existing conditions is a constant concern. And if I can't work, how am I to pay all my medical bills? I would be more burdened by my financial responsibilities if I were to get sick again, not less.

In 2011, when I was in the middle of a year and a half long medical crisis, I have a specific memory of getting an accepted offer to purchase my first house on April 26 and realizing "In 20 days, I have a follow-up Neuro-Ophthalmology appointment (because my appointment in January had shown "moderate worsening" of my visual fields"), that could change everything."

These posts just reek of ignorance and lack of empathy to me and still make me so angry.

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What a strange perspective. To wish yourself into some type of illness in order to sleep and push a call bell?

I think the day a hospital-worthy illness hits you, you will see the folly of your envy. Sleeping 24/7 is highly overrated by healthy folks.

Agreed. I've been told to slow down, get some rest. My response, "I'll have plenty of time to sleep when I'm dead".

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Yeah, I do work with elderly people, a lot of who are able to do a lot of things for themselves, but have the luxury of demanding others to do things for them anyway.

Please keep in mind that there is a reason these people are living where they are (where they are is not a personal residence-it has been institutionalized). Some may still have their physical abilities but have mental deficits that make them unsafe to live alone.

Also keep in mind they they (or the taxpayer if not self pay/insured) are paying a very pretty penny for the services that include you, the health care worker who is being PAID to provide care. Bedside nursing is not for everyone.

I have a family member who suffered from major depression. Had many of the desires that you have stated. She became a CNA, thinking she'd enjoy "helping people" but she grew to hate it and that's when I saw her mental illness spiral out of control. She ultimately quit her job, was taken in by family who enabled her to do so, slept all day, and started not taking care of herself. I would HATE to live like that.

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Specializes in Emergency Nursing.

Granted, I haven't read the entire thread, but I want to take one moment to not defend the OP, but remind us to have empathy.

The OP said that s/he is working two jobs and often times gets 5 hours of sleep a night. While I have never envied a patient, I've also never been in the OPs exact position. We don't know exactly what they're going through in their personal life or their situation.

Fatigue, caregiver burnout, and emotional/physical exhaustion are all very real things. Envying a patient sounds irrational, but it also doesn't sound too far off from feelings someone may have who is completely exhausted and at the end of their rope, yet to survive must continue to care for others even when their own gas tank is empty. And yes, I get it, the OP chose nursing, but I think what matters is the "right now." Regardless of why or how the OP chose nursing, and whether it's the right path for them, should be secondary to the fact that they are currently a nurse and caring for patients. If patients are a high priority, then caring for and having empathy for the OP and helping them feel heard should be a top priority. Happier nurse, happier patients.

The OP is probably experiencing some level of burnout. The OP may not have the ability to switch jobs, cut their hours, or advance/change their career just yet so they feel stuck in a perpetual state of unhappiness, exhaustion, and having to care for others above all even if that means sacrificing the most basic care they themselves need to stay grounded. It's not surprising that the OP is feeling envy for their patients if the OP believes that they are taking care of every whim and need of their patients when they can't even take care of themselves. If the OP is experiencing burnout and their emotional gas tank is empty, it doesn't seem far off to want someone to care for them for once. To have the chance to sleep and not run in the rat race.

Again, I myself have not experienced this, but I believe the OP might need some empathy and caring here. Nursing has a high percentage of burnout, but something we can do for that is allow our peers to express their feelings openly, in the proper setting, and without fear of judgement.

So OP, no, I have not personally experienced this. I do wonder if these feelings could be a reflection of something deeper, and possibly burnout. I wish you luck in all that you do and (although you sound extremely busy) try and look for ways to do some self care.

-HermioneG

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Specializes in Med Surg/ICU/Psych/Emergency/CEN/retired.
Granted, I haven't read the entire thread, but I want to take one moment to not defend the OP, but remind us to have empathy.

The OP said that s/he is working two jobs and often times gets 5 hours of sleep a night. While I have never envied a patient, I've also never been in the OPs exact position. We don't know exactly what they're going through in their personal life or their situation.

Fatigue, caregiver burnout, and emotional/physical exhaustion are all very real things. Envying a patient sounds irrational, but it also doesn't sound too far off from feelings someone may have who is completely exhausted and at the end of their rope, yet to survive must continue to care for others even when their own gas tank is empty. And yes, I get it, the OP chose nursing, but I think what matters is the "right now." Regardless of why or how the OP chose nursing, and whether it's the right path for them, should be secondary to the fact that they are currently a nurse and caring for patients. If patients are a high priority, then caring for and having empathy for the OP and helping them feel heard should be a top priority. Happier nurse, happier patients.

The OP is probably experiencing some level of burnout. The OP may not have the ability to switch jobs, cut their hours, or advance/change their career just yet so they feel stuck in a perpetual state of unhappiness, exhaustion, and having to care for others above all even if that means sacrificing the most basic care they themselves need to stay grounded. It's not surprising that the OP is feeling envy for their patients if the OP believes that they are taking care of every whim and need of their patients when they can't even take care of themselves. If the OP is experiencing burnout and their emotional gas tank is empty, it doesn't seem far off to want someone to care for them for once. To have the chance to sleep and not run in the rat race.

Again, I myself have not experienced this, but I believe the OP might need some empathy and caring here. Nursing has a high percentage of burnout, but something we can do for that is allow our peers to express their feelings openly, in the proper setting, and without fear of judgement.

So OP, no, I have not personally experienced this. I do wonder if these feelings could be a reflection of something deeper, and possibly burnout. I wish you luck in all that you do and (although you sound extremely busy) try and look for ways to do some self care.

-HermioneG

Very kind and well stated.

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I'm currently enjoying a relatively stress-free life on my Social Security Disability payments. I can stay up all night and sleep half the day away if I want; I eat when I feel like it; I watch TV and play on the computer at all hours of the day and night. I live with my son and his husband so I don't have to pay full rent on an apartment, and really, the only major responsibilities I have are to pay my bills on time and clean up the kitchen after family meals.

So what's the downside to a so-called life of leisure? I lost my career, my middle-class lifestyle, my home, and a good portion of my dignity to the disease (bipolar disorder) that officially made me disabled. I used to be a productive, well-respected professional in all my nursing roles, but now my ability to multitask and my short-term memory are so bad that I can't even learn new computer programs or handle multi-line phones. I'm also anxious and get distracted way too easily. And I take six meds daily to deal with it.

I can't imagine anyone envying me my current lifestyle. I'd trade it all, including my $1282 monthly SSDI benefits, for the ability to work and make a good living the way I used to. As it is, I'm very thankful for my support system of friends and family, plus a good doctor who helps me manage my illness. I'm thankful too for not being homeless, hungry or without medications. Believe me, when you've hit bottom---and I did several years ago---there's no way to go but up. Perhaps the patients the OP mentioned are using up their limited energy battling their own private demons. Maybe they're just lonely and needy. And yes, maybe some are entitled and wear their suffering as a badge of honor so everyone will feel sorry for them. But envy them? Not so much.

Viva, I was in your position not that long ago. On SSDI andvery dependent. It was awful. I became severely, depressed from it all. People didn't get it though. They thought I should be enjoying not having to work. I saw my life slowly slipping away from me from a devastating illness. Truth be told, I shouldn't be alive right now. I would have given anything to trade places and go back to my 60 hour work weeks and being able to socialize with my friends instead of being trapped in my house all day watching the world go by.

To the OP, you have some issues. You only get one shot at life and it seems like you are wasting it. Once your dead, you are dead. It's final. You are only 26 years old, you should be out having fun and she asking up every minute of living. You never want to be dependent on other people. It's one of the worst, demoralizing thing to ever happen to a human being.

It took me years of hard work and finding the right doctors to get me back to a place where I am a functioning member of society again. It was such a great feeling to tell social security they can keep their money because I had a job again!! I value every day I can go to work and be productive. I never envy my patients, because I've been them. I've laid in that bed. I've had to rely on others to pee and it's not a good feeling.

Appreciate your health. Seriously.

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