Coworker is Innappropriate

[missnurse89]

What to do? I have worked in an area for about 6 months and LOVE it. Only problem is a coworker who for some reason is inappropriate to me. When I say inappropriate, I mean she is just plain rude to me. I am not sure what I have ever done to offend her. I do NOT allow her to walk all over me and this seems to escalate the situation. I am not disrespectful. She is about 20-25 years older than myself. She will be fine one minute and quite pleasant and then if you say something that is opposing her views, look out! I am not the type of person to add my 2 cents in when I just feel like it, but if I see a need to chime in on a situation when warranted I will. And this is when she gets upset with me. She has refused to help me when I was training and this is where it seemed to start. So I have put up with this for 6 months now and she will randomly go off at me. She has also made rude comments about how I do not need to get my BSN (when she overheard me asking supervisor about any kind of assistance for BSN programs) because whatever her opinions of not needing it were (which I do not believe she has her BSN). I know that another coworker has experienced dealing with that treatment as well. I feel I shouldn't confront her because I don't think she is going to listen to me at all. I do not think that would be the best move. One of my other coworkers the other day confronted me about how this person was acting toward me and I feel that if its become that bad that its noticeable to others than it needs to be addressed. So I actually discussed with my DON after everyone had left for the day so I could be discreet. I don't like to feel like I am "tattle-tailing" and that is what it feels like. I just told my DON the situations that had occurred and that they seemed to be escalating. My DON actually instructed me that she was happy that that came to discuss with her regarding this matter and to inform her of any future "run-in." Apparently this wasn't the first complaint. I just explained to my DON that I do not deserve to be treated that way and its inappropriate. My DON said she will be watching for behaviors but hard to catch as people change their tune when she is present. She did say I could ask this coworker if I there was something I had done to offend her (next time this happens). I am supposed to report to her the next event. Any advice on handling this situation? I work very closely with this person and I constantly hear this person talking inappropriately about other coworkers and then even our PATIENTS (which really upsets me). I don't feel like "talking it out" with this nurse will be the best decision (just based on the escalations from previous conversations). I just avoid her. What to do? Any advice is appreciated. Thanks!

[OnlinePersona, LPN]

Thank you Suzy and Dudette. I feel your conclusions may have helped the OP and anyone else in the same situation. Always nice to see when peer communication actually works.

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

I'm sorry if my first post was brusque. I tend to go for brevity, especially when I'm on my phone.

JadeLPN, I just have to say I really disagree with your opinion on this. Any time there is any kind of interpersonal conflict, it's so important to try to address it directly with the person first. It honestly flabbergasts me a little that anyone would disagree with that.

We are talking about a coworker who is apparently going out of their way to make work difficult. If as grown people and professionals, one can not contain their personal psycho/social issues while working at a very important job, I am not going to then take that person aside and discuss why.

Nurses are dealing with higher patient loads, complicated cases, and time management. That a nurse would have to take time away from patients to have a 1 on 1 with an out of control co-worker over "what did I do to offend you" flabbergasts me.

You do your job, I do mine, we need to tag team when we have to, otherwise, that you have a hair across your butt and are highly inappropriate at work to the point of affecting care of patients--then I certainly do not want to get into it with you--and by the descriptions of out of control co-workers, why would anyone put themselves in that position?

[HappyWife77, BSN, RN]

We are talking about a coworker who is apparently going out of their way to make work difficult. If as grown people and professionals, one can not contain their personal psycho/social issues while working at a very important job, I am not going to then take that person aside and discuss why.

Nurses are dealing with higher patient loads, complicated cases, and time management. That a nurse would have to take time away from patients to have a 1 on 1 with an out of control co-worker over "what did I do to offend you" flabbergasts me.

You do your job, I do mine, we need to tag team when we have to, otherwise, that you have a hair across your butt and are highly inappropriate at work to the point of affecting care of patients--then I certainly do not want to get into it with you--and by the descriptions of out of control co-workers, why would anyone put themselves in that position?

I am totally in agreement with Jadelpn. We are not in high school and on recess...

If I am having issues I need to turn it over to my manager or DON. Sure there will be personality conflicts but if I stay focused on what I'm there for- patient care assignments, I should be fine.

I really don't have the time to address interpersonal conflicts with other workers. I have power over how I respond to others.....and hopefully I can handle my emotions and behavior without getting upset or offended. If not, I'll turn it over to appropriate channels.

I have enough issues to contend with for personnel that is working under my license, not to have time to deal with interpersonally conflicts as well.

Jade just wrote an awesome article on professional boundaries and this topic could be filed in the same area.

Really if someone isn't doing something unethical, illegal or harmful it really isn't going to bother me.

[duskyjewel]

While the idea of us all acting like grownups and working things out among ourselves seems ideal and attractive, I completely see JadeLPN's point. People are unstable and feel entitled too much these days, and you could put yourself into real physical danger trying to talk directly to a toxic co-worker.

[duskyjewel]

As you see, I thought better of that and edited it, but not quickly enough apparently. Apologies.

[amzyRN]

I had difficulty with a coworker once and was advised to take it up with the person directly, the chain of command approach. Though it was tough and very awkward, I did it and felt better about it after. The person also never disrespected me again. I think that because I was able to do this once, I will be able to do it again. I think management will be more apt to have your back if one is able to confront the person directly. In a way, it's like passing the buck, to just report things. Where I work, supervisors facilitate a conversation between employees that might not be getting along. They don't take sides though.

[BuckyBadgerRN, ASN, RN]

Her comments weren't inappropriate. If you WANT the help of the MANY seasoned nurses here, do them a favor and make your post visually agreeable to read. Hence, the advice of using paragraphs. If your response here was any indication of how you accept constructive criticism, I think we now have a better grasp of why things are the way they are for you at work...

That is the whole point of the post. I don't appreciate inappropriate comments so please do not post if you want to be negative.

[toomuchbaloney]

As a manager of health professionals I expect that they will speak with and to each other to resolve interpersonal differences before engaging me. We are no longer children or in school and are each of us responsible for our work and our work relationships.

After you speak with the person with whom you are having difficulty please do involve me if there has been no resolution. I will be happy to sit as a mediator while the two of you have another discussion and would even be very willing to make that a weekly event until you can discover how to work together as members of a team.

If the relationship cannot be repaired then I am going to have to decide if the rude person or the overly sensitive person needs to be relocated to another work environment.

[icuRNmaggie, BSN, RN]

In replyto missnurse89's original post,

We had someone like you have described in the ICU. She was rude, contentious, nasty and frankly dangerous. She was too comfortable behaving like a shrew because she had seniority. I do believe in being an adult and going to the person first, I tried and the hostility became unbearable.

After several years of trying to be a good colleague, I started waiting for her to self schedule so that I could sign up for the other days and avoid her altogether. I was uncomfortable working with her as a backup. Physicians and Nursing Management knew full well she was not functional but they needed a warm body. She was eventually fired after blatantly neglecting a patient.

I agree with jadelpn. It is not our job to fix a problem employee. I don't get paid enough to deal with that.

If this job is important to you, the most practical solution is to change your schedule/weekend obligation to minimize your contact and involvement with this person.

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN]

Multiple posts have been deleted due to being off topic.

Please stick to the topic at hand - debate the topic, not the poster. Thanks.

[SWM2009]

I agree that confronting the co-worker directly before going to management would be the best approach but there are exceptions. In some cases, confronting may very well make things worse. I worked at a place where the difficult co-worker was management's favorite and she knew it. Confronting her was pointless and usually led to some sort of retaliation. I lasted just 2 months at that job before moving on.