Coworker is Innappropriate

[missnurse89]

What to do? I have worked in an area for about 6 months and LOVE it. Only problem is a coworker who for some reason is inappropriate to me. When I say inappropriate, I mean she is just plain rude to me. I am not sure what I have ever done to offend her. I do NOT allow her to walk all over me and this seems to escalate the situation. I am not disrespectful. She is about 20-25 years older than myself. She will be fine one minute and quite pleasant and then if you say something that is opposing her views, look out! I am not the type of person to add my 2 cents in when I just feel like it, but if I see a need to chime in on a situation when warranted I will. And this is when she gets upset with me. She has refused to help me when I was training and this is where it seemed to start. So I have put up with this for 6 months now and she will randomly go off at me. She has also made rude comments about how I do not need to get my BSN (when she overheard me asking supervisor about any kind of assistance for BSN programs) because whatever her opinions of not needing it were (which I do not believe she has her BSN). I know that another coworker has experienced dealing with that treatment as well. I feel I shouldn't confront her because I don't think she is going to listen to me at all. I do not think that would be the best move. One of my other coworkers the other day confronted me about how this person was acting toward me and I feel that if its become that bad that its noticeable to others than it needs to be addressed. So I actually discussed with my DON after everyone had left for the day so I could be discreet. I don't like to feel like I am "tattle-tailing" and that is what it feels like. I just told my DON the situations that had occurred and that they seemed to be escalating. My DON actually instructed me that she was happy that that came to discuss with her regarding this matter and to inform her of any future "run-in." Apparently this wasn't the first complaint. I just explained to my DON that I do not deserve to be treated that way and its inappropriate. My DON said she will be watching for behaviors but hard to catch as people change their tune when she is present. She did say I could ask this coworker if I there was something I had done to offend her (next time this happens). I am supposed to report to her the next event. Any advice on handling this situation? I work very closely with this person and I constantly hear this person talking inappropriately about other coworkers and then even our PATIENTS (which really upsets me). I don't feel like "talking it out" with this nurse will be the best decision (just based on the escalations from previous conversations). I just avoid her. What to do? Any advice is appreciated. Thanks!

[klone, MSN, RN]

First, paragraphs are your friend.

Second, I am a huge believer of talking to the person with whom you are having issues FIRST before going over their head. That's just what adults do - they try to work it out first, before going outside.

[missnurse89]

That is the whole point of the post. I don't appreciate inappropriate comments so please do not post if you want to be negative.

[Rose_Queen, BSN, MSN, RN]

That is the whole point of the post. I don't appreciate inappropriate comments so please do not post if you want to be negative.

Without paragraphs, your post is very difficult to read. Not an inappropriate comment, but one that will help you get more responses because the post is much easier to read.

Secondly, I do agree with the other person that you should have spoken directly to the person first before going to the DON. In fact, many facilities encourage such actions- if I were to go to my manager with a complaint about another's "rudeness", the first question would be if I addressed it with the coworker and nothing changed. Management/those in supervisory positions should only be involved if the two parties cannot resolve it on their own.

Third, you are going to meet rude people in all sorts of places. Unfortunately, that is just how being human works. Learn what you can from this situation, and apply it in future scenarios.

Fourthly, once you make a post, it is public. You cannot dictate who may or may not post replies. However, you can control how you react. Judging by your reaction to the person who made a suggestion about paragraphs, I would also advise you to take a good, hard look at yourself and how you may come across to other people. That can inflame not so good relationships like the one you describe with your coworker. You may not be interpreted by others the way you think you are.

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

I don't think that in a professional workplace, where I am a staff nurse, and a co-worker is a staff nurse that I should have to "confront" anyone about their behavior. That is why we have managers. To manage. And directors, to direct.

I would be clear with the DON that you do not feel comfortable in engaging this co-worker regarding her work ethic and professionalism. OP, you do not need to ask this coworker if you "offended" her--she has some behavioral issues that others have brought up, that are now affecting you--and what exactly is the DON doing about it? Yup, Nothing. I am not sure how many complaints she needs to receive.

Do not engage this nurse in further conversation. If this nurse attempts to put her 2 cents into your conversations, nod, smile, and say "thank you I will take it under advisement" and walk away.

As adults, we do not endevour to go to work and deal with other nurse's bad behaviors. Yet, the wheel keeps spinning, nothing is ever done about it, so it is akin to acknowleging that there's a huge issue that can affect patient care, but it is not important enough to fix. Until it comes to patient harm. Then it becomes that management had "no idea" this was happening.....

[heron, ASN, RN]

That is the whole point of the post. I don't appreciate inappropriate comments so please do not post if you want to be negative.

Uh huh

[Rose_Queen, BSN, MSN, RN]

I don't think that in a professional workplace, where I am a staff nurse, and a co-worker is a staff nurse that I should have to "confront" anyone about their behavior. That is why we have managers. To manage. And directors, to direct.

I disagree. When you run into people whose behavior doesn't meet your standards in public, there is no manager or director to confront anyone. Adults must deal with these situations like the autonomous beings they are.

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

I disagree. When you run into people whose behavior doesn't meet your standards in public, there is no manager or director to confront anyone. Adults must deal with these situations like the autonomous beings they are.

As someone who doesn't have the power to change one thing, what possible good will it do to get into a verbal altercation with a co-worker? In public, I have a choice to leave and go home. At work, I am a captive audience, I certainly can't get up and leave.

If I am doing my job, am professional, making my way through the day, I am not sure why I would then have to be the one to have conversation with anyone regarding their behavior. That is between them and managment.

Pay me more to be a mediator, and perhaps--but whomever is doing the confronting has got to be in a position to then back up the words. Or then your difficult co-worker becomes your impossible co-worker.

No thanks, those higher on the food chain can start dealing with the bad apples they hired.

[caliotter3]

In many, if not most, similar situations, I have heard of or known, a person having interpersonal problems with a coworker was told to work it out with the other person. Many supervisors don't want to be bothered with this and they will actually take actions against the person doing the complaining rather than the accused troublemaker.

I would just avoid this woman. When you can't avoid her, try to have another person to act as a witness if you need it.

[klone, MSN, RN]

I'm not talking about a verbal altercation. I'm talking about talking with this person privately and saying "Hey, it seems that we're having difficulty getting along - let's talk about this and clear the air and try to figure out a constructive way to work together."

That is the mature, responsible response. Only if the coworker refuses to sit down and talk, or continues to be "mean" would I involve a supervisor.

As others have said, when staff comes to me with interpersonal conflicts with coworkers, my first question is "Have you discussed this with the person?"

[klone, MSN, RN]

That is the whole point of the post. I don't appreciate inappropriate comments so please do not post if you want to be negative.

That's cute. :)

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

I'll second (or third) the paragraphs notion.

I'll also second (or third) the notion that when you're having problems with a co-worker, the first person to talk to is the co-worker. If that doesn't solve the problem, THEN you go to management. You're an adult, and that is how adults handle problems.

You're going to run into people everywhere whom you consider to be rude or nasty. You're not always going to have a "Mommy" to run to.

And lastly, I have to wonder what made you think you could post on a public forum and only get responses you agreed with. Not gonna happen. If this is how you greet responses that you disagree with, I have to wonder how many of your problems with your colleague have to do with YOU rather than with HER.