Coworker is Innappropriate

[missnurse89]

What to do? I have worked in an area for about 6 months and LOVE it. Only problem is a coworker who for some reason is inappropriate to me. When I say inappropriate, I mean she is just plain rude to me. I am not sure what I have ever done to offend her. I do NOT allow her to walk all over me and this seems to escalate the situation. I am not disrespectful. She is about 20-25 years older than myself. She will be fine one minute and quite pleasant and then if you say something that is opposing her views, look out! I am not the type of person to add my 2 cents in when I just feel like it, but if I see a need to chime in on a situation when warranted I will. And this is when she gets upset with me. She has refused to help me when I was training and this is where it seemed to start. So I have put up with this for 6 months now and she will randomly go off at me. She has also made rude comments about how I do not need to get my BSN (when she overheard me asking supervisor about any kind of assistance for BSN programs) because whatever her opinions of not needing it were (which I do not believe she has her BSN). I know that another coworker has experienced dealing with that treatment as well. I feel I shouldn't confront her because I don't think she is going to listen to me at all. I do not think that would be the best move. One of my other coworkers the other day confronted me about how this person was acting toward me and I feel that if its become that bad that its noticeable to others than it needs to be addressed. So I actually discussed with my DON after everyone had left for the day so I could be discreet. I don't like to feel like I am "tattle-tailing" and that is what it feels like. I just told my DON the situations that had occurred and that they seemed to be escalating. My DON actually instructed me that she was happy that that came to discuss with her regarding this matter and to inform her of any future "run-in." Apparently this wasn't the first complaint. I just explained to my DON that I do not deserve to be treated that way and its inappropriate. My DON said she will be watching for behaviors but hard to catch as people change their tune when she is present. She did say I could ask this coworker if I there was something I had done to offend her (next time this happens). I am supposed to report to her the next event. Any advice on handling this situation? I work very closely with this person and I constantly hear this person talking inappropriately about other coworkers and then even our PATIENTS (which really upsets me). I don't feel like "talking it out" with this nurse will be the best decision (just based on the escalations from previous conversations). I just avoid her. What to do? Any advice is appreciated. Thanks!

[missnurse89]

Perhaps I was being over sensitive. To me it came across in a negative way and maybe wasn't meant that way. Plus this was one of my first posts and just wasn't expecting such boldness. Can you see now why I was taken back by the comment? I hope this helps for you all to better understand me because I am not just a rude stuck up Coworker that I feel people have assumed I am. I am a Christian and try to practice that daily.

Please understand that this is a sensitive situation to me because I love my job so much. This is literally keeping me awake at night trying to figure out the best way to deal with it. I will tell you that I do not antagonize anyone I work with. I go to work. Say good morning greet people with a smile. Try to engage in positive conversations.and avoid the negative. I give respect to earn respect. But I also understand in this profession the importance of having a backbone when necessary or you will have people walk all over you.

I understand not running to the manager for every problem which I do not. I just usually try to keep myself busy so I don't get cornered or put in a position. I just feel so limited in my options which is why I talked to.my DON and why I posted this. I may try to talk to this nurse if I can pick the right timing. If she continues after that though I have no problem with involving management further. I don't want to wrong her and at least if I tell her I feel about how she has been acting toward me she will at least have the opportunity to see it. That way if I have bothered her any way she can tell me.

I'm afraid this is all.gonna go.south but I see what some are saying. I would want someone to try to come.to me first if they had a problem. Maybe she doesn't know. Maybe she does. I don't know. I'll give it a go and praying she will be receptive to it.

[missnurse89]

And in the case that she feels I am harassing her when I try and approach her about it, then talking to DON before hand about how to approach her should help. That is a very good point, Jadelpn.

[CrunchRN, ADN, RN]

I think you have to try at first to deal with it yourself. It is affecting you so who should care about it more than you should?

Take the person aside and let them know exactly what is bothering you and ask how you can get past it . If they react negatively and are not willing to work with you then it is time to involve management.

Be direct, unapologetic, unemotional, and use "I" statements that reflect how it is affecting your ability to do your job. This si hard to do so it is best to even write a script and reheorifice it a bit so you are more comfortable doing it.

[mmc51264, BSN, MSN, RN]

I have had some "issues" with a couple of my coworkers. I am not the kind of person that is good at approaching another to "see what I did wrong" If it is bad enough, for example a charge nurse that is not helpful, even when asked for help. I have had one colleague say that this is an example of lateral violence/bullying in the workplace. This I will take to my manager, otherwise, I ignore said "bully"

There are going to be personality differences, that is inevitable, but I guess they way each of us deal with them is different.

[lub dub]

I don't think that in a professional workplace, where I am a staff nurse, and a co-worker is a staff nurse that I should have to "confront" anyone about their behavior. That is why we have managers. To manage. And directors, to direct.

I couldn't disagree with you more on this point, jadelpn. The key word here is "professional". Confronting coworkers about their behavior is what professionals do.

[suzy12]

1, Read the post , this is not a new issue that has happened overnight. This has been going on for 6 months!

2, she did not feel she could approach this person regarding her behaviour, "she felt her co worker would not listen to her"

3 She has stated that every time she has aired her views the co worker gets upset!

That tells me she has analysed the situation and came to a decision in what to do

In an ideal world, of course its better to confront the co worker , however it is not always an ideal world!

Everyone is different and of course some people are more sensitive than others! And some people will just never get on.

Maybe it needs a neutral person to intervene like the DON. This situation is affecting patient care and the DON needs to be aware,

That is professional and some of the comments are harsh and i am talking from an outsider

[SionainnRN]

1, Read the post , this is not a new issue that has happened overnight. This has been going on for 6 months!

2, she did not feel she could approach this person regarding her behaviour, "she felt her co worker would not listen to her"

3 She has stated that every time she has aired her views the co worker gets upset!

That tells me she has analysed the situation and came to a decision in what to do

In an ideal world, of course its better to confront the co worker , however it is not always an ideal world!

Everyone is different and of course some people are more sensitive than others! And some people will just never get on.

Maybe it needs a neutral person to intervene like the DON. This situation is affecting patient care and the DON needs to be aware,

That is professional and some of the comments are harsh and i am talking from an outsider

Yes but those are all coming from her point of view which is only one side. It's been going in for six months because the OP hasn't talked to the person. And just because she thinks they won't listen doesn't mean that it's true. Look at how she over reacted in the beginning of this thread! As for her coworker getting upset every time she airs her views we have no idea what the context is. She could be talking over the other person, butting in to private conversations or overstepping her bounds. There are three sides to every story and we're only getting one. That's why it's the adult thing to do to step aside with the person and talk about it. If it doesn't work then that just clears the way to go to management.

[suzy12]

Yes but those are all coming from her point of view which is only one side. It's been going in for six months because the OP hasn't talked to the person. And just because she thinks they won't listen doesn't mean that it's true. Look at how she over reacted in the beginning of this thread! As for her coworker getting upset every time she airs her views we have no idea what the context is. She could be talking over the other person, butting in to private conversations or overstepping her bounds. There are three sides to every story and we're only getting one. That's why it's the adult thing to do to step aside with the person and talk about it. If it doesn't work then that just clears the way to go to management.

Lol that made me laugh, whenever as nurses do we get all the facts! It would be great if i always got a holistic view. It would certainly make my job a lot easier , never mind my personal life!

but in life and in practice there is blanks, as nursing professionals we have to assess some situations with minimal facts . Like someone that is brought into The ER say? Whats the one thing we do ? Is minimise risk , the option you are saying to approach the person could involve risk based on the information the post writer has said. That is all i can go on, as its all the information i have to hand.

[psu_213, BSN, RN]

That is the whole point of the post. I don't appreciate inappropriate comments so please do not post if you want to be negative.

Umm, why was klone's comments inappropriate? Hint: they weren't. She was trying to help you, and you were the one who turned on her.

Anyway, in my mind, if this other nurse wants to be a negative Nancy, just ignore her. She doesn't think there is any value to getting a BSN? Based on the lengthy discussions of BSNs on here, she is not alone in this view. Since that is the case, just ignore her and be confident in what you feel is the right thing.

[missnurse89]

The reason it felt offensive was the phrase "that's what adults do." To me that came across as demeaning. I realize now that it was probably not intended to be that way but things in text format is difficult to pick up the correct connotation. Has no one else ever experienced that? I read it as having a negative connotation. I am only human and I make mistakes. I appreciate the advice.

[Alicia777, MSN, NP]

That is the whole point of the post. I don't appreciate inappropriate comments so please do not post if you want to be negative.

I think someone correcting your grammar isn't "inappropriate". It makes me second guess if what your co-worker is doing is "inappropriate"..

[missnurse89]

It has nothing to do with grammar or structure of my posts. That I do appreciate. I have stated the reason in my previous comment of why it came across offensive.