I work in a LTC/ Skilled nursing facility, and i would like to hear some opinions about calling long-term residents "sweetie", "honey" or "hun", etc. This is the persons home, and calling them Mrs. or Mr. is textbook and so formal. Of course, i would ask "is it alright if i call you sweetie? or do you prefer Mr. or Mrs." because i customize my care to whatever they would desire.
So whats your opinions on this? (Keep in mind also that i live in the south-ish, FL, were this is common etiquette) :heartbeat i do find it to be inappropriate in acute care settings, because i don't know the person well
:redlight:I AM ONLY REFERRING TO LONG TERM CARE PATIENTS. thank you:redlight:
I always ask older people if I can call them Mr/Mrs or by their first name.
Some people forget residents names (you might only be there for one shift as an agency RN), and just say sweetie or honey instead. Some people call everyone that regardless of who they are - it is just an unconscious habit.
I admit that I have done this with a few patients here and there. Typically when I know someone is having a really bad day or needs a little lift. It's never done to be offensive and I have never had someone complain. It comes from a kind place and I think they realize that.
I currently work FT in LTC. Same hallway, same residents every shift. I spend more time with them some days than my own family.
I do have some endearing names for a few, but it all depends on circumstance. For example, the staunch, no-nonsense veteran is called "sir" and he loves it.
My amazingly sweet 91 year-old, I will say, "here you go Dorothy, love. I hope this helps."
My most fav resident EVER I will routinely tell him what a sweetheart he is for how very kind and considerate he is. I have another wonderful 90 year old man who when I give him his HS meds, he asks for a goodnight kiss. I lean in and he kisses my cheek. Maybe he thinks he's at home and I'm a family member saying goodnight, I don't know. But it makes him happy and content. Uprofessional? Some may say so, but I am a resident centred nurse.
For the most part, I don't call any residents "dear" or "honey" or "sweetie". Most are simply called by their first name. But I do feel I have a good rapport with each and every one of them, as well as show them all the respect they deserve.
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
Exactly!! Good post, Ogopogo.
At my time of life, I'm old enough to feel a bit put out when a younger person I don't know well calls me "sweetie" or "hon". I'm perfectly fine with it from my residents, because to them I AM a younger person . But from someone (especially a care provider) who's young enough to be my daughter or son, it's not appreciated. I'd rather just be called by my first name, or in a more formal situation, Mrs. So-and-So.
Accordingly, I give the same respect to my elders and call them Mr. or Mrs. until they say it's OK to use their first names or a nickname. And only when I know them very well and they've told me they don't mind, do I say "my friend" or "love"---never "sweetie", "honey" or other childish term of endearment.
On the other hand, I have to consciously avoid using those terms with my younger co-workers and subordinates; the fact that I seem to get cast in the role of "Everybody's Mom" everywhere I work doesn't give me the OK to treat them like my own kids. LOL
LOL at Viva sending the "kids" out back to cut themselves a switch! I know you've had those nights.
I once took care of a very gentle elderly physician who had Alzheimers. His family had finally brought him to the hospital for LTC placement. He was very mixed up in the middle of the night, and incontinent. Worse, he was aware that he was mixed up, and kept trying to orient himself to the situation but couldn't. Calling him by his first name when he had been Dr Smith for years felt like tearing away another piece of his dignity. I hope it gave him some comfort.
I worked in LTC as a CNA for over a year. You can tell which prefer a more formal greeting and which ones WANT to be your "granny, sweetie, hun,love, ect" they are usually the ones with no family..the ones that just want you to sit and talk, and they love that you refer to them in a more familiar way. Its not about disrespect....the little old ladies that I referred to as granny were 90, giggle boxes, and the sweetest women in the world..and they loved being a granny to someone. I still remember them fondly.
Of course you can use hun and sweetie in a derogatory way if you choose to "talk down" to them but I hardly ever saw that.
A lot of times I would refer to them as " Miss insert first name " and a lot of times I would just call them by their first name. If it was my first time meeting them I would refer to them as Mr. or Mrs. so and so..but once we got to know one another they would usually ask to be referred to as "XX"
someone mentioned that this is their home and should be mrs or mr...thats true it is their home...but most of these people have no one visiting them..it shouldnt be so formal..it shouldnt feel like a hospital...it should feel like a safe, loving home, where your caregivers are like family not just the people having you take your pills at such and such time and helping you shower.
Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.
I call my husband "sweetie." I'm not a pedophile. The last thing either of us think that he is would be an "infant.":rolleyes:
There's a difference between calling your husband "sweetie" and an older patient in the hospital that same name. I am sorry for you you can't see the difference.
I'll spare you the sarcastic eye roll.
BTW, just because you treat someone in an infantilizing manner does not mean you are a pedophiliac.
The most important point is this isn't about US as caregivers, it's about the patients. The best, most appropriate way to address the subject is ask your client how they'd like to be addressed. I've found some military (men) especially like to have their Rank and name used. Younger adults are (generally) more casual and okay with first names. And as we all know, LTC, kind of has rules of its own. But going from room to room calling everyone honey, sugar, babe, dear, etc., is just plain lazy & offensive. It annoys me when people try to address me that way -- YOU as my caregiver don't know me like that. And my mother and grandparents get really upset and offended. Once they know you, they will tell you if it's okay to be addressed by their first name or Mrs. X, whatever. I've even found this a problem in doctor's offices and clinics. You go for a first visit and they call you in by your FIRST name!! They've never met you & the kid calling you back is 19, chewing gum & says "like" every other word. A little dignity and professionalism would be nice in all settings. I just go back to how would I want to be treated and how would I want my family member treated.
Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
I'm not a resident of an LTC facility, but I had a caregiver in the past who used to call me sweetie etc. The last time I talked to her was via a phone call. She was contacting my current caregiver at that time, and got me. She said, "How are you pumpkin?" I felt like replying; "Oh I'm fine, how are you Squash?"
As an older nurse, I would like to weigh in on this topic of calling patients by pet names; i.e. "sweetie", "honey", "dear", etc.
I have had waitpersons and sales clerks address me by each of the above terms and I find it VERY offensive. I have even told a couple of them that this is degrading to the older person and feels dismissive and manipulative...
Usually I do not say anything but I am strongly considering telling them that these endearing terms are reserved for my closest one to call me if/when he so choses.
I only allow my children and their spouses to address me as Ma, Mom, or Momma. The rest of the world may call me by my first name or by Mrs. (last name) as I will call them.
In LTC I always asked my patients what they wanted to be called. I just see it as more professional and respectful. Whatever their present condition in life, the fact that they have attained their age should mean something, shouldn't it?
why is that offensive? How is an endearing term offensive? It's not like they're calling you "sexy boobs" or anything.... I have never understand this way of thinking. I am offended, however, when someone (patient or doctor) calls "NURSE!" Call me by my NAME!
. But from someone (especially a care provider) who's young enough to be my daughter or son, it's not appreciated. I'd rather just be called by my first name, or in a more formal situation, Mrs. So-and-So. 
carolmaccas66, BSN, RN
2,212 Posts
I always ask older people if I can call them Mr/Mrs or by their first name.
Some people forget residents names (you might only be there for one shift as an agency RN), and just say sweetie or honey instead. Some people call everyone that regardless of who they are - it is just an unconscious habit.