I work in a LTC/ Skilled nursing facility, and i would like to hear some opinions about calling long-term residents "sweetie", "honey" or "hun", etc. This is the persons home, and calling them Mrs. or Mr. is textbook and so formal. Of course, i would ask "is it alright if i call you sweetie? or do you prefer Mr. or Mrs." because i customize my care to whatever they would desire.
So whats your opinions on this? (Keep in mind also that i live in the south-ish, FL, were this is common etiquette) :heartbeat i do find it to be inappropriate in acute care settings, because i don't know the person well
:redlight:I AM ONLY REFERRING TO LONG TERM CARE PATIENTS. thank you:redlight:
I don't use "sweet and honey" either. I honestly feel that it's extremely unprofessional period. One resident called me "Ma" and I hit the roof. I told him, "You're older than me, why are you calling me Ma?" He then says, "Sorry, Auntie." LOL
I try very, very hard not to but sometimes when speaking to residents that I am particularly close to, a "dear" will pop out here and there. Never "sweetie" or "cutie" or anything like that though. I try to say Mr. and Mrs. So & So until I have their permission to call them by their first name.
Specializes in Trauma Surgery, Nursing Management.
I can only contribute to this post while sharing with you all my experience with being on the other side of the fence. I was gravely ill about 10 years ago and was hospitalized for 3 weeks. The nurse that came into my room and introduced herself, wrote her name on the whiteboard and then came over and sat beside me for a minute to review pertinent parts of my hx as well as telling me about which procedures I was scheduled for that day was my SECURITY BLANKET!! She got down to the assessment part of business and when she was done, she said, "Honey, you just let me know when you need something." I loved this. I am from the South, and I don't know if she gathered this during her assessment or if it was because we developed an easy and laid back style during our time together. She immediately put me at ease.
I would never in a million years call a pt an affectionate name right off the bat. It does come across as patronizing and a little nauseating. However, if I find that my pt's culture (the South, for example) encourages the use of terms like "honey, sweetheart", etc., I will use that ONLY if it is part of their verbiage. Some people find it comforting (as I did when I was a pt), and some find it offensive. You have to acclimate to your pt and what semantics makes them more comfortable. For example, I had a pt from NY who told me point blank that if another nurse called her "sweetie", she would call her Uncle Sal and have them fitted for cement shoes. Another pt from Tenn found the nurses to be "too sterile" and said, "Honey, I understand that y'all are busy and all, but does everyone have to be so blasted FORMAL?" It all depends on your pt.
We as nurses must never make the assumption that just because WE are comforted by affectionate names means that our PATIENTS will be comforted the same way.
Specializes in Trauma Surgery, Nursing Management.
I don't use "sweet and honey" either. I honestly feel that it's extremely unprofessional period. One resident called me "Ma" and I hit the roof. I told him, "You're older than me, why are you calling me Ma?" He then says, "Sorry, Auntie." LOL
This is FUNNY!!!! I guess that he was referring to you as "Ma" because he was subliminally equating you with his dearest caretaker, which would have been either his mother, or his wife (southern folks refer to their wives sometimes as "Ma"). Seems like he was an easy going pt.
You are right, it is unprofessional to do this. However, if I have a 5 year old in my OR who is terrified when they are getting induced, I will absolutely pull out the "sweetheart, brave man, princess, etc." card. When dealing with adults, I will not do this unless they are VERY anxious, tearful and about to lose their lunch. Then I might say something along the lines of "I will be right here by your side, sweetheart." But only if they REALLY are sweet. :redbeathe
i totally think this should be considered on a case by case basis. also, i think people are forgetting that the OP said she was referring to LONG TERM CARE only.
my grandmother who i called "granny" went by the name of "granny" to EVERYONE. she wasn't in long term care. her kids, her grandkids, and all of our friends called her GRANNY and she liked it. that's what she wanted to be called! she was very alert, very educated, etc., and she found "granny" to be respectful.
it's common where i live to call grandparents "mammaw" or "pappaw." i'm one of those people who can't/doesn't say "honey" or "sweetheart" naturally. i wouldn't/don't even call my husband or kids those names. i find them ridiculous. BUT as someone else said -there are certain people who can say honey and/or sweetheart and it sounds sincere/natural and it doesn't bother me. i'm just not one of those people.
that being said - although i work with acute care patients - i will say, "alright, mammaw" if i'm turning an elderly patient because that's ACCEPTABLE and respectful where i live. i have 40+ year old patients almost on a daily basis telling me how young i am/how young i look - so i know when dealing with a 70+ year old patient that they consider me to be a "kid" and don't find it disrespectful if i say "mammaw" or "pappaw" after i've heard their own children/grandchildren refer to them that way. i'll say, "alright, mammaw, we're going to turn toward me."
there's a lady i've been caring for recently who is from new york and i would never call her mammaw. when i asked her where she was from and she told me to guess, i thought she might die right then when i guessed new jersey. she would not be amused (as a new yorker) being called "mammaw." so, again, it's a case by case basis.
Well you'll have a problem with me as your patient. You can call me honey. You can call me sweetie. You can call me the b word that rhymes with witch. But don't EVER call me "Mrs." When my husband got married, he didn't change from Mr. to anything else. When I got married, I didn't change from Ms. to anything else. (Ok, I did change my last name.) Mrs is a huge pet peeve of mine. IMO, it implies that marriage changes the type of respect due a woman in her salutation.
See my previous post. No hard and fast rules. CONTEXT.
I actually call people Ms. not Mrs. because I don't know their marital status and I'm not necessarily going to pry. Forgive me for not being so specific.
I also ask for their preference but when I first greet them, I start with the most professional, in my opinion, "Mr./Ms." and work from there.
Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.
I can only contribute to this post while sharing with you all my experience with being on the other side of the fence. I was gravely ill about 10 years ago and was hospitalized for 3 weeks. The nurse that came into my room and introduced herself, wrote her name on the whiteboard and then came over and sat beside me for a minute to review pertinent parts of my hx as well as telling me about which procedures I was scheduled for that day was my SECURITY BLANKET!! She got down to the assessment part of business and when she was done, she said, "Honey, you just let me know when you need something." I loved this. I am from the South, and I don't know if she gathered this during her assessment or if it was because we developed an easy and laid back style during our time together. She immediately put me at ease.
I would never in a million years call a pt an affectionate name right off the bat. It does come across as patronizing and a little nauseating. However, if I find that my pt's culture (the South, for example) encourages the use of terms like "honey, sweetheart", etc., I will use that ONLY if it is part of their verbiage. Some people find it comforting (as I did when I was a pt), and some find it offensive. You have to acclimate to your pt and what semantics makes them more comfortable. For example, I had a pt from NY who told me point blank that if another nurse called her "sweetie", she would call her Uncle Sal and have them fitted for cement shoes.[/] Another pt from Tenn found the nurses to be "too sterile" and said, "Honey, I understand that y'all are busy and all, but does everyone have to be so blasted FORMAL?" It all depends on your pt.
We as nurses must never make the assumption that just because WE are comforted by affectionate names means that our PATIENTS will be comforted the same way.
This Yankee feels her pain. God forbid the next nurse who did it end up like Jimmy Hoffa.
Iwork with a CRNA (30ish) that calls everyone (female) baby girl...don't know how he keeps doing. I'm sure he has been talked to. Just made me feel ill just thinking about it.....:barf01:
This post reminds me of a time when my Mom was in the hospital (hospice care) in Canada and one of the nurses there was extremely "familiar" with her. When the nurse came by in the morning, she asked how her "sweetie" was doing and then proceeded to give my Mom a big giant wet kiss on her lips. :barf02::barf02:
I personally thought this nurse's actions were borderline abusive. My Mother, in her right mind (she had a brain tumor at this point), would NEVER have stood for someone outside of her family being so familiar and intimate with her. She was a very dignified, but somewhat reserved person. Never would have happened. So, to this day, the thought makes me wince.
Those in our care who are vulnerable and rely on us completely, I think, deserve to be treated with enormous respect. I think I side with those who use Mr. and Mrs., etc. It may be more formal, but it seems more respectful. If a patient insists otherwise, I have no problem with the nurse using whatever name the patient desires.
Years ago my wife worked in LTC. She was in a residents room and the state inspector walked in to the room just in time to hear her call a resident "Aunt Maurie." The state lady threw a fit and asked her how she could possibly think calling an elderly person something like that was okay. Before my wife could answer the resident looked at the inspector and said "Because she's my great-great-neice. What else would you have her call me?"
:barf02:
akanini, MSN, RN
1,525 Posts
I don't use "sweet and honey" either. I honestly feel that it's extremely unprofessional period. One resident called me "Ma" and I hit the roof. I told him, "You're older than me, why are you calling me Ma?" He then says, "Sorry, Auntie." LOL